I’ve been with my partner for 18 months. It took a while for things to get going, but there’s always been a connection and I really do care about him. We’ve actually known each other for six years, but it’s only in the last year and a half that we got together. He’s ten years older than me, and I’m in my 30s, focused on building my career in leadership. We both have good jobs and live separately, but from day one I’ve been upfront about what I want—marriage, a family, a home together. I’m not living in a fantasy world—I know I have to work hard, save, and build that life myself, and I’m doing just that.
Right now, we’re both working in the city, but I’ve always said I don’t want to stay here forever. I’d like to move to the countryside in the next couple of years, once I’ve saved up a deposit. He doesn’t feel the same. He’s made it clear he has no interest in leaving the city, and when I bring up living together, he avoids the conversation or dismisses it. It’s like we’re not planning the same future at all.
Another thing that’s been hard to swallow is the dishonesty. Even though we’ve known each other for six years, he never once opened up to me about smoking drugs. It wasn’t until we were already in a relationship that I found out he uses weed regularly. When I confronted him, he promised to stop—he took a short break—but eventually he just went back to it. I’ve explained clearly how that doesn’t align with my values or my plans to start a family. His response? That he doesn’t want kids for another two years. I never agreed to that, and he knows how important timing is to me.
In 18 months, he’s never once said he loves me. I haven’t met his work friends, and he’s never posted anything about me on social media. Every weekend, he’s out drinking and partying with his mates. That’s fine—I don’t expect him to change who he is—but he also takes hard drugs, and I just don’t live like that. I like calm weekends, tea in bed, peace—not that lifestyle.
After yet another conversation about wanting to start a family within the next year, we still weren’t aligned. Then last night, he came to see me—late, because he went home from work first to get stoned. We were intimate, but halfway through he physically pushed me off so I wouldn’t get pregnant. It completely ruined the moment and left me feeling rejected and alone. I’m on protection, luckily, but emotionally, it hit hard.
I’m just so tired. Tired of the emotional effort, tired of hoping he’ll grow up and meet me halfway. He still acts like a man-child, not a partner. I know what I want—and this isn’t it.
AIBU to kick him into touch?