How to handle sports day this year?

[cadburyegg]

Sports day is next month and my ds7 is already worrying about it, bless him, and saying how much he hates it. He is the smallest in the year (0.4th centile), he’s hypermobile, he’s always last. My ds10 doesn’t much like it either but will take part begrudgingly.

I have considered taking ds7 out for the day considering he hates it but ds10 would be upset at the unfairness of it unless I take both of them out.

I was always terrible at sports and was last at everything. I wonder if there is a better way of dealing with things other than telling them “it’s not the winning that counts, it’s the taking part!” Surely making kids do races that they hate (my ds7 cried during his last year) isn’t actually very good for their development? Is there a happy medium between taking them out for the day and making them participate in everything? Can I tell them that actually they don’t have to do certain races? My two I think wouldn’t mind doing the egg and spoon / bean bags etc but the running and relay upsets ds7 in particular.

Or am I setting them up for a complete lack of resilience?!

Hmmmmm. My kid isn’t sporty either, they hate sports (as do I, secretly). I coach them that there are a) plenty of others who feel the same who also will not be winners of any race and that is ok and b) lots of sporty types aren’t in the top top set of English or maths, both skills that outweigh being good at PE. Ultimately doing things you don’t like builds resilience. I hate school runs and look at me, I’m on my way to collect my DC right now.

Sometimes the intention doesn't matter, it doesn't always make the child feel better.

It's just so public, that isn't the case with maths or English. It doesn't get announced or isn't broadcast who is last infront of the whole school of kids and parents.

I've mellowed now I'm onto my 3rd dc and I let her have the day off after a few traumatic years of her in tears before and during (ASD).
The teacher and TA are normally supportive with her but are both too busy on sports day to focus on her which is fair enough.

Not sure doing the school run is in any way comparable to the ritual humiliation of school PE or sports days.

When will schools realise that many kids hate sport but are interested in fitness so dance classes, fitness classes and gym circuits are preferable to the god awful hockey, high jump, hurdles and 100m.

But the people not great at maths aren’t being out in a line up and being watched by everyone. There is a public humiliation aspect to sports day that can be actually traumatic. And I say this as mother of three who all quite liked sports day.

and being poor at maths doesn’t mean you won’t need to still learn maths. No one needs to be able to run 200m or jump hurdles.

exercise and physical activities are vital. Competitive sports aren’t

It’s not just about winning and losing. Just being outside in the field isn’t a good day for all the children. Some of them are going to get sunburns no matter how many times they reapply suncream. Some of them attract bug bites when no one else gets bitten. Some of them have horrible pollen allergies and are so loaded up on anti-histamines to try to survive the day outside that they can barely stay awake.

.

people need to appreciate that it is impossible for activities to be truly inclusive. Some of them are going to cause real stress, even if the vast majority think they are fun.

that doesn’t mean the school should never do anything other than keep the children sitting in a classroom. Variety is good. A bit of grace and understanding for the few children being put into uncomfortable or even unreasonable school days would go a long way

Everyone hates different things. Ritual humiliation is not being able to pass any of your exams, I literally couldn’t give a crap about running with an egg in your hand…

There isn't an audience including other parents watching you do your exams. It isn't very public at all.

I agree with this

Yes my heart bled for DS2 when he was made todo the sack race - dyspraxia can’t jump with two feet together = sack race disaster. Some other child had decided not todo it so he was asked to as a resilient team player (which he is). He had to roll across the line to the sympathy cheers. Whilst people told me “what a good sport he was”. He was mortified. Properly mortified.

Sunburn and bug bites? Come off it. That's really lame. Being outside for a few hours in the UK isn't dangerous. I dread to think what kind of generation we would raise if we teach them that.

People also forget that it’s not just about kids who don’t like sports day. If you have dyspraxia that is a physical disability and they have those kids competing directly against able bodied children. There’s a difference between not being good and being miles behind.

Oh bless him. 😢

I don't generally have an issue with sports day for the majority, but it should be treated sensibly with other ways to involve the small number of children who struggle with it deeply.

There's coming last, and there's coming last... ritually last, when there was zero level of competition about it, being the only child on the field is very different to having a mixed level of sucess and being last occasionally.

Sports day can absolutely be humiliating.

When I was 7, I moved schools just before the end of the year. I'd been in the school about 2 weeks by sports day. I had no friends within 100 miles. I was the smallest child in the year group.
No body asked if I could skip before being forced to perform in front of 200 children, the staff and another 200 parents.
I tried skipping. I got tangled in the fucking rope several times before ditching the stupid fucking thing and stomping alone down the whole fucking track to the end after everyone else had finished.

Then I was forced to stomp back up the fucking field alone to fetch the stupid fucking rope and walk it back down to the teachers again.

That is most definitely humiliating. On an epic scale.

I still hate that cunt of a teacher 35+ years later after only 4 weeks in her class. I hate her more now than I did then because with time I've realised what a fucking awful thing that was to do to a vulnerable 7 year old, to show zero recognition that you'd asked the impossible of them, to fail to recognise that they tried with no escape route out of the situation, and then punish them in front of hundreds of people because they failed.

The following week I was set upon by a group of boys at the end of the school day and the biggest boy in the class forced me onto my hands and knees and pulled my pants down. Fortunately my mum caught him and put the fear of god into him.
The public isolation of sports day was a green light for bullies.

I didn't learn to skip until I was 10, 3 years later.
My dyspraxic child is better at sport than me.
What I did do was get my children into non-competitive activities like parkrun and swimming lessons early so they could at least run, and get some co-ordination and not spend their entire school years being default class liability.

PE taught me to loathe competitive and team sports.
Suprisingly after all the humiliations, failiures, insults, goading and bullying that were a feature of most PE lessons, I am a fit adult, but no body is laughing at me in a gym because I only squat 60% of my bodyweight, or laughing for being mediocre at parkrun.

Phone apps taught me to run.
All school sport was a pointless waste of time.

School sport should be handled with much more sensitivity and creativity. Too many people are turned off sport for life by it. If schools don't make reasonable adjustments to sensitively include all children, it's reasonable to miss a distressing event. I am generally a "feel the fear and do it anyway" type person, but sometimes that is not the solution.

Personally I would speak to the teacher about finding a happy medium, like just doing the egg and spoon race and then helping with something. If they say he has to do it all then you can take him out.

Poor kid. He shouldn't have been asked to do it in the first place.

This.

They need to learn they don’t have to be good at everything. They can come last and the world doesn’t end.

There is on results day. Races take different forms. Great if you have a sporty kid, great if you have an academic kid, great if you have an artsy or musical kid. We need to realise that performances are really about specific areas of talent (all of those I’ve named take some kind of public form) and it’s okay to shine in yours and not another’s. That’s our vibe, I’m not saying it should be yours.

Thinking longer term, could you help them try out a few different sports so hopefully they can find something they like and feel positive about?

You can choose to open your results privately. Children that aren't musical or artsy don't tend to have to perform a solo/alone/have it be very obvious that they are struggling with parents gawping on and sympathy clapping.

Children that aren't sporty don't need to be mortified on sports day just so other children can 'shine'.

Exams are not ritual humiliation unless the school is calling out the order in which people came in the exam

I’m not saying kids who struggle don’t feel humiliation. I’m saying the process in itself isn’t humiliating in the way sports day is as there is an audience and everyone can see you struggle and do poorly in a very public arena

It’s not analogous to anything else. It’s a hang over from Greeks / Romans / public school sports. Seems cruel to make all the kids do it. The obvious answer is to let the kids that want to race race and everyone else cheers them on. That’s what they do at secondary. It’s not hard.

I find the “make them do it for the greater good” posters extremely weird and abit sinister. Feel sorry for their kids. Who prioritises “the local community” over their own child’s mental health? Bizarre.

Someone has to come last!

and when it isn't 'someone' but the same child in every single race who is clearly struggling, upset and doesn't stand a chance?

What is the point?