How to handle sports day this year?

[cadburyegg]

Sports day is next month and my ds7 is already worrying about it, bless him, and saying how much he hates it. He is the smallest in the year (0.4th centile), he’s hypermobile, he’s always last. My ds10 doesn’t much like it either but will take part begrudgingly.

I have considered taking ds7 out for the day considering he hates it but ds10 would be upset at the unfairness of it unless I take both of them out.

I was always terrible at sports and was last at everything. I wonder if there is a better way of dealing with things other than telling them “it’s not the winning that counts, it’s the taking part!” Surely making kids do races that they hate (my ds7 cried during his last year) isn’t actually very good for their development? Is there a happy medium between taking them out for the day and making them participate in everything? Can I tell them that actually they don’t have to do certain races? My two I think wouldn’t mind doing the egg and spoon / bean bags etc but the running and relay upsets ds7 in particular.

Or am I setting them up for a complete lack of resilience?!

Take them both out, it's no biggie! A child should live a child's life... Stress free!!

Would the best way to deal with their anxieties and confidence in anything and to build their resilience be to practice it more?

Did your post arrive from twenty years ago? Kids sports days aren’t remotely competitive any more. There’s no last place. I can’t even remember the kid(s) who came last at my 7 year olds most recent sports days.

It’s rather obvious why he is the slowest, he's the smallest. You can’t protect him from that.

What’s next, he’s bottom fo the class at maths and you take him out of maths lessons? You can’t cave into him every time he doesn’t enjoy an activity, that’s a terrible life lesson.

This post takes me back (a long way). I was always good at sports day because I could run fast. In those days you got a red, blue or yellow ribbon for the first three places, there was no question of worrying about anyone's feelings. My best friend was useless at all the races and often came last but brilliant at the egg and spoon because it is about balance, not speed. She didn't like sports day but she put up with it, she wasn't traumatised. I would say try and encourage him to take part in the races he is good at. There are bound to be lessons he shines at that some of the sporty kids don't. My friend was great at art and I definitely wasn't.

My eldest absolutely loves sports day as he’s at a very academic primary but is dyslexic and struggles. He is however the “fastest boy” in the class. He absolutely shines.

however I hated sports day so get it! At our school I notice a couple of kids help the teacher with jobs. Handing out eggs and spoons etc so they feel part of it but don’t compete. They always do funny races where they have obstacles and have to dress up etc - everyone joins in these.

Ask if he can be a helper and not compete in running races. Hate the phrase “mental health” but throw that in there .

or if not take them out for the day

I took mine out and 5 years in same school 3 years think we missed no one noticed.

Sports day isn’t inclusive and is never just fun. Look after your kids and do what’s best for them.

I agree with this. I’ve had one who loved SD and excelled, one who couldn’t care less and excelled and one who absolutely detested it and often came last.

Im a strong believer that the sporty types should be allowed to shine. But I also think in your shoes, I’d take them out of SD.

Well how lucky for you and your son. It's the public humiliation that is disturbing for non sporty kids. Struggling at maths doesn't make you the subject of ridicule. I know about that because despite having older brothers who were good at sports, the youngest was last in every race. It turned out he was dyspraxic but that hadn't been diagnosed then. I would love to have avoided sports day for him and wish now that I had.

It doesn’t build resilience because there isn’t an adult comparison. There is absolutely no benefit to kids who hate sports day taking part and they would never be forced as an adult to take part in a hobby/pastime they hated in a competitive manner in front of others. Yes there are mandatory things we have to do that we don’t like or things that will benefit us (eg work) but competitive public sport isn’t mandatory and there is no benefit. Why should sportier kids get the chance to shine at the expense of the less sporty ones? As has already been pointed out, there is no academic or musical or creative comparison. Just make it voluntary. Yes all kids should be active and healthy but public sports competition is nothing to do with that.

Take them for a nice day out!

there is no academic or musical or creative comparison

Don’t be daft, many schools put up all the scores for tests, and they have sets/ streaming every single day. My own kids have the Art Show, I had the “Fashion Show” which was weather clothes you have been making in class. Was it a great day- nope. Was it good for you? Absolutely!

I agree that competitive races should be optional.

Sporty kids can be challenged and compete with other sporty kids. I still don't understand why sporty kids need non sporty kids so that they can ''shine''.

I wish I could take all the “build resilience” posters out to a field and make them do a physical activity that they are shit at in front of all their friends and neighbours. Just to “build their resilience” of course. Not keen? Didn’t think so.

You could communicate with the school for him to do one activity he feels more confident in then just observe?

There are also mitigations so he could help out a bit, a responsibility, so he doesn't have to participate.

I completely understand, if only we had known our DC would be so stressed out by it they would run away. Well, I knew, DH didn't and it was only at this point he accepted my diagnosis of SEN.

As a teacher and parent, please get in touch with the school, rather than taking him away from it. He can gain pride in so many things not related to the actual sports events. Xx

If its the running races he is last at, couldn’t you ask the teacher to keep him out of that race and to concentrate on the novelty ones.

Why would you assume that my friends would belittle me? And why would I let the opinion of strangers or even neighbors have any impact on me at all? Why should I be embarrassed?

Honestly, even if a neighbour came up to mock me I’d just ask him how he ended up thinking I gave a shiny shit what he thinks?

But more importantly… do you know how I learned that resilience, by being rubbish at stuff at the start, and then getting better with practice, and knowing that everyone is crap when they start, and actually you aren’t competing against the people who’ve been doing it for years, you are competing against yourself. Preferably with good grace.

You think you’re making some gotcha comment, but actually you’re just demonstrating something rather unkind in your own character, and projecting it onto everybody else. And that’s before you go anywhere near depriving the kids the chance to improve: to come second from last, or to come last with a smile. Or even to just fail and bounce back from it.

This Is the sort of attitude and spirit you should be trying to develop.

It’s a shot putter running hurdles - against hurdlers.

We always came down with a bug on sports day on account of my kids being so utterly shit at traditional sports. Quite funny really because once they found their sport they ended up being really very good... (like, represent your country good), they were both just shit at running, catching balls or titting around with bean bags...

Queues at Thorpe Park or Alton Towers will be shorter than in the summer.

Some schools do Sports Day really well, others make it an awful experience. It's not the subject but the handling. Furthermore schools don't really accept that negative school sport experiences can result in a child being closed to physical activity as an adult. To me that's significant harm.

If your school's sports day causes stress to your child, just remove them. You prioritise your child's needs over the school's demands.

I prioritised mine on sports day...at the zoo, with ice cream.

But do they have to stand up in front of the whole school and all parents/grandparents to demonstrate how shit they are at maths so very publicly?
Sports day isn’t hated because it’s sports, it’s the totally unnecessary public show of it.

All the races should be optional and there should be spelling bee or other events for the less sports inclined children.

My kids love it (they are pretty sporty) but if they hated it I’d be keeping them off school no question.

Humiliation never builds resilence. It builds fear.

My son always struggled with sports day (ASD, and to be honest I think he found it all too much with the crowds of people etc) and rather than missing school the teachers would let him be a “helper” or just sit out and watch. Surprisingly in his Y6 sports day he actually chose to participate! Perhaps speak to teachers and see what they say.

Why is coming last a humiliation? Why is it something to be ashamed of?

Why do you believe that a person’s self worth is external to themselves and dependent on the performance of others? Is that really the message you want to give your children - “coming last is such a humiliation that we will run away from the possibility” almost certainly whilst making disparaging remarks about those who can take it in their stride.

Can you not see this is about your reaction - you think that people who come last in a race have made a humiliating show of themselves. Most other people just think they competed.

But back to the question- where’s the humiliation?

What a daft question. No one likes to be visibly crap at something. Especially not if you are 6.