To not consent to DD going on school trip?

[DrinkRhubarb]

DD has additional needs. On a school trip last year, she was allocated to a parent helper and nearly got lost.
This year I have offered DP to help, but parent helpers were informed last week if they could go - DP wasn’t asked.

I can’t really give consent unless I know what arrangements are in place, but I’ve been battling over clarity of provision all year, and my emails are often ignored now. E.g no response to DP offering to help plus a follow up message.

Another parent that I trust has said she’ll look after DD, but I don’t know if the school will agree. Plus her DD has additional needs as well, and I think it’s a lot to ask.
I can visit the place separately with DD, plus she has a big event the evening/weekend following the trip. I don’t want her to
miss out, but I am worried after she nearly got lost last year (left in a toilet).

I think it's an absolute shame that she'd have to miss out because they aren't able to reassure you that they're able to look after her, but in your position I can understand why you'd prefer not to risk it.

Have you spoken to her teacher directly to ask what the plan is?

Ring the school and have a meeting or phone call to talk about your concerns

It wouldn’t be good for her development to miss out

I get the impression that ultimately you won't be happy unless you partner goes tbh and that's not happening.

@shoofly

Thank you. I think DP would take the day off, she wouldn’t go in to school, but we’d arrange something really special for her instead. I think it’s a total shame, but the school don’t seem to want to work with me - and I just feel I’m nagging all the time over her support.

What does ‘nearly got lost’ mean?

I would be inclined to TELL the school your DP is going in order to meet DDs needs, given what happened before. Lean hard on the teacher and if no joy, the Head, to determine how they will keep her safe on the trip without this. Make sure they know that excluding her puts them in a very tricky spot with her disability. You’re going to have to be That Parent, I’m afraid. Chances are when it’s pointed out to their faces, they will sort it all out to your satisfaction.

If they don’t, of course refuse the trip. And then contact the governors.
Unfortunately for Sen kids you have to be a very squeaky, annoying wheel. It’s shit, sorry.

Well she didn’t get lost or left behind so it seems a bit extreme not to go. I’d thank your friend and let her go. Otherwise you are really saying she’s incapable of going and you are denying her a trip out with school friends. Maybe as she’s now a bit older she will understand how a trip works a bit better? Surely it’s helping her development? Schools don’t lose dc on these trips. They are counted and put into groups.

I have 2 kids with very different SEN. I would email the school - via the office if you don’t have a direct contact and put your concerns in writing and ask to come in to discuss the risk assessment for your DD. Make sure you detail what your concerns are and why you don’t think her needs can be met if a parent doesn’t accompany her.

sorry I have seen your emails aren’t being answered. In that I would also say if you don’t have resolution by X date you will need to take this further. Someone else would be able advise better but would it be the school governors in an English school - I assume you are in England?

Ugh it’s seriously infuriating that they aren’t listening to or addressing your concerns. Their lack of communication or accommodation for your daughter’s needs are resulting in discrimination. It’s especially disappointing since you’ve offered a very simple solution which doesn’t impact the school at all.

I would call the school and ask to have a meeting with the head and state you feel your daughter is being discriminated against due to her additional needs. Hopefully it will prick their ears up and you’ll then have an opportunity to speak to them about this.

@HamieandHave

She was with a parent helper. They went to the toilet, and the group left the toilets without DD. A different parent helper noticed and found her crying in the toilet, and then insisted on looking after her for the rest of the trip. She told me she’d seen a similar thing happen in the playground and found DD.

if her additional needs mean that she is covered by the 2010 Equality Act, They have to make reasonable allowances, that's the law. In this instance it seems bleeding obvious that a reasonable allowance is to let a parent - who has already offered - accompany your DD.

I don't understand why the school aren't jumping at the chance for your DH to be volunteering as a free chaperone?

I don’t think it’s appropriate to give a child with relevant additional needs to a parent helper (unless it’s their own parent) on a trip. I’ve volunteered on trips a couple of times and I always get a group of the most straightforward children, any with additional needs or behaviour issues are in a staff member’s group. I have a DC with additional needs and I’d expect them to have a member of staff if they’re not with me or DH. I’d refuse consent and see if that provokes a response to your emails - asking how your child’s needs will be met and how your child will be kept safe on a trip is a very reasonable request.

I’d also have made a formal complaint about the safeguarding lapse that led to your daughter being left behind in a toilet and that all this seems to be being discussed between parents rather than led by school - I’d expect to have heard the story from a very apologetic teacher not a parent in the playground.

@Keyanski

I’m asking DP to write the email as my final last try. I’ve already had to fight so many things, I just can’t handle another brick wall!

@Howmuchlongeruntilwegetthere

The list of things I could make a complaint about is endless. From DD having no clear provision, holding on to wee all day etc etc. and never, ever an apology - just defensive excuses.

I actually got shouted at last week when I asked why I’d never seen evidence of her speech interventions.

This.

I volunteer a lot.

The difficult children are ALWAYS with trained staff who know how to deal with whatever additional needs they have on group trips.

Parents always get the kids who aren't an issue. They'd never be given a one to one unless it was their own child. It's inappropriate.

As for toilets / toilet area - strictly managed by staff only for safeguarding reasons. Absolutely not with a parent on a one to one basis.

There's a lot of red flags here that go beyond a school trip.

@RedToothBrush

Thus is the issue. DD is extremely quiet and timid, absolutely not a behaviour issue at all. She is vulnerable - so gets ignored.

So she really needs to go on this trip. And actually your partner going might not be the best idea if she is quiet because it's not going to help her get out of that space being with a carer she lives with...

... You need to find another way to make this work.

Thank you everyone! I think if no response to DP’s email or they say he can’t go to support - I’ll sadly say no, but arrange an AMAZING day out for DD instead with DP. Luckily she attends a organisation going on a camp the evening of the trip, and she loves it. Absolutely no issue with inclusion and parent help there.

This must be so frustrating for you.

One of my children has additional medical needs. There was a ballot for parent helpers but I was asked if I would like to go ahead of the ballot and given one of the slots when I said yes. There was also a parent with a high support needs neurodivergent child who I think was likely offered a space as a parent helper the same way I was.

Me going was optional and school would have managed the trip without me. They also asked if I would like to be her assigned person or if I’d rather it was a member of staff.

None of this is ‘above and beyond’. It should be standard to think of ways to ensure inclusivity.

I'd go with my gut instinct & from what you've posted OP it would be a no from me. It won't do her any harm especially if something else is arranged.

You say she can go to the same place with you. Just to make a point I'd be tempted to get your DP to take her at the same time as the school trip. But then I'm petty.

I’d seriously consider changing schools. Not having any evidence of speech provision is really bad. My son’s speech therapists are in frequent contact with us.