My husband doesn’t want sex ever

[Whattodonowthenfucker]

Not sure where we go from here. Husband has no libido. He’s 52 and I’m 55 (with a healthy sex drive). He’s been like this for a few years. He’s trying with testosterone pills. It’s making no difference. What annoys me is that I’ve told him I would be ok with 10 mins of vibrator action once a week but he never does it. We’ve had 2 fumbles this year that lasted 10 mins, and no piv involved. If you saw him in a pub you’d never believe it: he is tall dark and handsome, you’d never guess he’s shit in the sheets. Wtf do I do?

Well you can’t and shouldn’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do - and he clearly doesn’t want to do anything at all sexually- so you either put up with it or leave. That’s it really.

Ask him to go to the GP, have a full work up to see if there's an underlying health issue, and book you both in for couples counselling.
Also have therapy for yourself to decide what you want to do if he refuses, or the problem can't be fixed.

I'd divorce.

How does he feel about it? You said he's been like this for a few years, how did it come about? A gradual tapering off, or a more sudden stop? Does he want to have sex, or is ok with not having it? Is he embarrassed and not comfortable about seeking help?
Bit of a personal q - does he masturbate? Just wondering if it's intimacy he's struggling with rather than actual sex.

I just want to be thrown onto the bed and shagged. I’m so sad

that sounds awful and it doesn’t seem like the comms between you are great.

it’s not just sex, it’s the lack of intimacy and contact. Not good.

is there a chance he is either gay or hiding a hefty porn addiction?

there’s a few choices here: you can drive a whole reset of the relationship comms (which may reveal unpleasant info, leading to divorce, or it may resolve things in an ideal world).

or you could choose to divorce without pushing for a resolution first

or you could choose to stay married, leave things as they are, and have other relationships for fulfillmemt

or do nothing and leave things as is (and you take the hit on how this makes you feel)

so, ok, not grest, but you do have choices.

best of luck and sympathy. It would be lousy for self esteem to be in this situation.

It sounds awful but it seems you either have to put up with or leave. He’s clearly not interested in having sex.

If you are in a good position financially I would recommend private testosterone therapy, I work for a clinic and the medication truly changes men’s lives.

my husband used to take steroids and I couldn’t get him off me😂

Being thrown on the bed and shagged sounds perfectly reasonable to me!
Would you prefer some tongue action just to break the ice? 👍

If he’s not feeling it, he’s not feeling it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Use the vibrator yourself? No one has a right to sex.

Has he had a blood test? Is he on any meds? Anything that might medically cause this ? This is his port of call

You either have to come to terms with it or you break up. Has he always been like this?

Girrrl. If he’s not willing to try then I’d be having a conversation about either breaking up or you getting it elsewhere. Life is too short!

It’s amazing when a man says his wife no longer wants sex no one asks if she’s gay or addicted to porn. They say the man must be shit in bed, that the fastedst way to clamp shut a vagina is a man desperately wanting it and to stop being a sex pest.

the double standard are remarkable

Can you use the vibrator yourself whilst he watches?

That might turn him on.

"If you saw him in a pub you’d never believe it: he is tall dark and handsome, you’d never guess he’s shit in the sheets. Wtf do I do?"

Oh yes, height and looks have a correlation to sex drive.

what the f.

OLD post sorry but i had to.

p/s you are better off going to therapy because I feel for you, you have half a life time left and would you want to spend those with a dead sex life?

He needs to go back to the doctor to have his T levels checked. He may not be absorbing it properly or be compliant in taking the pills. The transdermal T gel is more reliable.

Is he on Mounjaro?

Nothing wrong with this. I’m in the same boat with my other half. Tall dark and attractive but never wants it. But rather than having a low libido he watches porn and pleasures himself instead. But apparently adores me and cherishes me - making it hard for me to leave.

Ong this would be my dream lol. To be married but never have sex again 🤣

So do I!

How depressing.

Op... I'd either leave or have an affair

Are you still in this relationship ? If so I would advise you to leave it sorry. I was sad reading it.

That's nonsense. Women who come on here and declare they're no longer interested in sex, are given all kinds of advice, including go to the doctors, sprinkled with lots of 'poor husband' remarks. Men and women are not the same, why would you expect people to treat them as if they are?

You should not be trying to get him to do something he doesn't want to do but it is ok to call time on the relationship.