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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF joint birthday ?

40 replies

arcticpandas · 06/05/2025 21:22

So a friend of mine is having a joint birthday party with her brother that I have met maybe 2 times. She has sent a group message about things she would like for her birthday (she was asked) and then went on to say that her brother would like an expensive outdoor equipment so we could send money directly to her and she would order it for him from us.

Maybe I'm just tight but I would like to get my friend a gift and then just a token gift for her brother (who will have his friends there). We're all in our forties. What do you think- AIBU ?

OP posts:
Ooral · 06/05/2025 21:23

CF - don't give in...

Largestlegocollectionever · 06/05/2025 21:23

Wow yes that’s very cheeky! I’d just ignore her request (being kind maybe someone else asked what her brother wanted)

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

DeathStare · 06/05/2025 21:26

It seems a bit grabby but maybe she's just not thought it through. Maybe his friends are also contributing?

If you were going to buy him a token gift anyway, just contribute a token amount. Saves you having to find him something.

2024riot · 06/05/2025 21:27

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

Im confused how the OP is entitled, could you elaborate on this ?

MoominMai · 06/05/2025 21:40

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

What are you going on about?!

Itisjustmyopinion · 06/05/2025 21:58

If it’s a group message to both her friends and his are you sure she wasn’t saying to the group if you are wanting to buy for me I would like xxx and if you want to buy for my brother he would like xxx

Or is she definitely expecting her friends to buy for him too?

From your OP I wouldn’t completely read it as she is expecting you to buy for both, more just laziness and setting up one group message to everyone rather than two (also there may be friends that would want to buy for both. Just because you have only met him twice that may not be the same for everyone)

Seacatt · 06/05/2025 22:00

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

What a strange response!

Embarrassinglyuseless · 06/05/2025 22:01

I would just assume it’s a generic message she’s sent out to all party guests, some of who will be her brothers friends / know him well.

buy a gift for whoever you want to - it’s a gift not an obligation - and think no more of it….

Arancia · 06/05/2025 22:34

"Thanks for the invitation, but unfortunately I won't be able to attend your birthday party". That would be my response. I also would not send a gift to the birthday girl in place of my attendance unless you traditionally do exchange gifts on birthdays.

Arancia · 06/05/2025 22:36

Embarrassinglyuseless · 06/05/2025 22:01

I would just assume it’s a generic message she’s sent out to all party guests, some of who will be her brothers friends / know him well.

buy a gift for whoever you want to - it’s a gift not an obligation - and think no more of it….

"...and then went on to say that her brother would like an expensive outdoor equipment so we could send money directly to her and she would order it for him from us"

Clearly, it's not a generic message. This lady actually expects her friends to get her AND her brother something.

Whisperings · 06/05/2025 22:46

I would buy a gift for my friend only not the brother. You're there because of your friend not at the brother's invitation. It's CF to ask for a gift for him by your friend.

Someone2025 · 06/05/2025 22:47

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

Huh?!
It is about her if she is paying for it?

Blackdow · 06/05/2025 22:47

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

She is being asked for money. It literally is about her.

Silsatrip · 06/05/2025 22:53

If you were going to give him a token gift, just send her a fiver to chip in for the gift for him?

JulianFawcettMP · 06/05/2025 23:10

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

I don't think you understand what entitled means.

KIlliePieMyOhMy · 06/05/2025 23:33

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

Are you the brother?

Hoohaz · 06/05/2025 23:39

I would assume it is a generic message and that people have asked her what she and her brother would like. No obligation for you to buy for the brother, but I would probably take him a bottle of wine or some beers.

Deckings · 06/05/2025 23:42

I wouldn't be entertaining that at all and would assume it was sent to everyone and his circle will contribute. Ignore.

OatFlatWhiteForMe · 06/05/2025 23:45

I wouldn’t get the brother more than a token bottle of wine.

Cornishclio · 06/05/2025 23:49

Just get something for your friend and a card for the brother. That is a bit cheeky.

Noodlehen · 06/05/2025 23:51

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

I really need you to elaborate on this, because I’m so confused!

Eldermillennialmum · 06/05/2025 23:56

I agree with you OP

Just get something for her and maybe don't even respond to what she's said about the brother gift unless, as PP suggested, there are people in the group who are his friends and want to get a gift for him.

PussInBin20 · 07/05/2025 07:10

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

WTF!

Whyherewego · 07/05/2025 07:14

It's a message in a group chat. This is good as you can just ignore it! You didn't ask what she wanted or her brother? So just literally do what you were going to do in the first place