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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF joint birthday ?

40 replies

arcticpandas · 06/05/2025 21:22

So a friend of mine is having a joint birthday party with her brother that I have met maybe 2 times. She has sent a group message about things she would like for her birthday (she was asked) and then went on to say that her brother would like an expensive outdoor equipment so we could send money directly to her and she would order it for him from us.

Maybe I'm just tight but I would like to get my friend a gift and then just a token gift for her brother (who will have his friends there). We're all in our forties. What do you think- AIBU ?

OP posts:
minisoksmakehardwork · 07/05/2025 07:17

If you're going to get the brother a token gift, why not send the money you would have spent on that instead? No one says you have to spend £100's. But if you were going to spend £5/10/15, better to put that towards something he wants.

WaltzingWaters · 07/05/2025 07:19

Just ignore the message and get something for your friend. Contribute a bottle of wine to the party/or buy the brother a drink on the night.

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 07/05/2025 07:21

I wouldn’t even get the brother a gift, I mean you are attending your friends party it’s not your issue she’s chosen to have it with her brother. I would reply in the group chat you are happy to contribute to your friends gift - I’m sure everyone else feels the same and someone needs to say it- if she proves further i would just say you only buy gifts for your nearest and dearest as he is not your friend.

justkeepswimingswiming · 07/05/2025 07:27

Just ignore the message and get your friend a gift if you was getting her one.

TimeForATerf · 07/05/2025 07:34

You are not entitled OP 🤣🤣🤣, what a weird comment kayansieour

I would ignore what your friend put and contribute to her gift but not the brothers, I would probably send him a card.

If she’s honestly expecting her friends to contribute to her brothers presents she’s a CF. Share a party? Double your gifts!

OMGitsnotgood · 07/05/2025 07:38

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

What on earth is ‘entitled’ about not wanting to spend a lot of money on a present for someone you’ve only met a couple of times? It’s the OP’s hard earned cash being requested by tbe CF so of course it’s about her.

OP i think that is a really cheeky request and I wouldn’t be contributing

Original poster
arcticpandas · 07/05/2025 21:28

minisoksmakehardwork · 07/05/2025 07:17

If you're going to get the brother a token gift, why not send the money you would have spent on that instead? No one says you have to spend £100's. But if you were going to spend £5/10/15, better to put that towards something he wants.

I think I will do this.

OP posts:
Smallsalt · 07/05/2025 21:30

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

She hasn't made a drama out of it .

Arlanymor · 07/05/2025 21:30

Itisjustmyopinion · 06/05/2025 21:58

If it’s a group message to both her friends and his are you sure she wasn’t saying to the group if you are wanting to buy for me I would like xxx and if you want to buy for my brother he would like xxx

Or is she definitely expecting her friends to buy for him too?

From your OP I wouldn’t completely read it as she is expecting you to buy for both, more just laziness and setting up one group message to everyone rather than two (also there may be friends that would want to buy for both. Just because you have only met him twice that may not be the same for everyone)

This is what I assumed was too. Nice gift for friend, token bottle of booze or similar for brother, or cash equivalent towards a bigger present if he wants one. Chuck £20 his way via mate to add to a present fund.

Original poster
arcticpandas · 07/05/2025 21:31

Thanks to everyone responding. Except @Keyansieour who must have mixed up threads/is stoned.
I will give her a fiver to contribute and watch out for a thread on MN : " My friend only contributed a fiver for my DB's bday gift- is she a CF?" 🤣

OP posts:
declutteringmymind · 07/05/2025 21:35

That’s a great compromise. I’d just be wary that she’s not using you all to contribute to what she wants to buy her brother and she takes all the credit.

minisoksmakehardwork · 08/05/2025 18:07

arcticpandas · 07/05/2025 21:31

Thanks to everyone responding. Except @Keyansieour who must have mixed up threads/is stoned.
I will give her a fiver to contribute and watch out for a thread on MN : " My friend only contributed a fiver for my DB's bday gift- is she a CF?" 🤣

If they do well all pile on and tell them they're unreasonable 😀

Vaxtable · 08/05/2025 18:31

I would be going back along the lines of sorry Jane I wasn’t intending on buying your brother a present. You are my friend not him. And I would send it in the group chat

Fruitbat99 · 08/05/2025 18:33

Keyansieour · 06/05/2025 21:25

You sound a bit entitled IMO because this isn't about you. Ok, so don't get a gift for the brother if you don't want to, but don't make a drama out of it.

Lol entitled to what? Her being asked to put towards a gift is about her

SpiceryFiendXOXO · 08/05/2025 18:34

One card, addressed to both of them, cash inside. Let her and her brother divide it as they see fit.

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