Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think “d”p doesn’t care ?

27 replies

TheThreeMiracles · 06/05/2025 13:57

im 34 weeks pregnant and baby was quiet this morning ( but has moved loads since I messaged partner ) I messaged partner and said I needed to be taken over to be monitored hospital is 40 mins away I have no car until Thursday as my brakes need doing and it’s not safe to drive! Hence why I’m asking him for a lift ( just for context ) he’s just had a right moan at me and said ill have to wait and he’ll take me at 5.30 when his work is done for the day ! AIBU to think he’s not really that bothered and doesn’t care ?
just for context our 2nd baby had reduced movements days before he was born and I asked him to stay home with our eldest child whilst I went to hospital and he stormed out to football and told me I was being selfish and doing it out of spite to make him miss football ! He didn’t miss his football I took my dd to hospital with me left at 7.30 and didn’t get home till midnight on a school night - was sent for a scan and got admitted straight away as I had too much fluid and baby was transverse! He’s not taken any thing from that experience ! AIBU to just say he clearly doesn’t care ?

OP posts:
HuffleMyPuffle · 06/05/2025 14:05

You had a 3rd baby with a man who cared so little when having your 2nd?

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 06/05/2025 14:09

What @HuffleMyPufflesaid

But, more practically in the here and now, to answer your question: no, he doesn’t care.

And it doesn’t sound like he ever will.

TheThreeMiracles · 06/05/2025 14:11

Because you think people may learn from their mistakes and change, unfortunately he clearly hasn’t ! I thought he would have come back after the experience we had before, baby has moved now but I do wonder what it would feel like to have him care ! X

OP posts:
Pollqueen · 06/05/2025 14:19

A leopard rarely changes its spots. He didn't care then and seemingly doesn't care now

Do you have other help and support?

HuffleMyPuffle · 06/05/2025 14:51

Don't have a 4th baby
He isn't going to change

outerspacepotato · 06/05/2025 14:57

I'm glad your baby started moving again. Time to set up emergency transport with a friend or neighbor or family member considering your husband refuses to leave work if you need to go in and be seen on an emergency basis.

No. He doesn't care.

What are you going to do about that?

OrwellianTimes · 06/05/2025 14:59

HuffleMyPuffle · 06/05/2025 14:51

Don't have a 4th baby
He isn't going to change

She’s already got the 4th baby, it’s her “d”p

OrwellianTimes · 06/05/2025 15:00

He’s made it clear he’s not to be relied upon. Jerk.

Who else gave you got that you can call?

ItGhoul · 06/05/2025 15:09

He's a total prick who doesn't care about either you or his unborn child.

INeedAnotherName · 06/05/2025 15:14

TheThreeMiracles · 06/05/2025 14:11

Because you think people may learn from their mistakes and change, unfortunately he clearly hasn’t ! I thought he would have come back after the experience we had before, baby has moved now but I do wonder what it would feel like to have him care ! X

Because you think people may learn from their mistakes and change,

But you didn't?? You didn't learn that he was unreliable, uncaring, selfish and worse still, angry enough to storm out but you still went ahead with another pregnancy. He will never change so YOU need to be the one to change. Start looking at your escape plan/fund before he emotionally fucks his three children up.

Babymamamama · 06/05/2025 15:14

My “D”P was useless during and after our one DC was born. Therefore I had a coil fitted post natal and some years later we split for good. I resolved from that experience to have no more children with him…

CJsGoldfish · 06/05/2025 15:20

Fingers crossed he'll be better next time 🤞

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 06/05/2025 16:27

Next time?!

MyOliveHelper · 06/05/2025 18:54

As a midwife, I've found reduced movements often causes conflict with the family of the pregnant woman. It's getting better, but it's still really slow to change.

I think there are a few factors, and bear in mind, I've found this with the female relatives of pregnant women as well as male partners.

I think there are a few things that go into it, firstly, other people can't feel what she feels. So the fact the baby isn't moving the same way rather than it has stopped moving doesn't seem to ring alarm bells in people outside the pregnancy. That even goes for maternity staff.

This is exacerbated in situations where someone has repeated trips to emergency assessment during pregnancy, but everything checks out fine or resolves each time.

Secondly, old wives tales about babies not moving much in the 3rd trimester are pervasive. This is where explaining the function of the placenta and how we monitor the wellbeing of babies often helps.

Thirdly, some people do realise what it could mean, but they're scared of that reality. Thus, they defensively avoid it. They get angry about it. I've seen this reaction about a few things.

Katemax82 · 06/05/2025 18:56

HuffleMyPuffle · 06/05/2025 14:05

You had a 3rd baby with a man who cared so little when having your 2nd?

Victim blaming...

TomatoSandwiches · 06/05/2025 19:04

It's very clear he doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Please stop having children with a man that doesn't deserve them.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 06/05/2025 19:08

Katemax82 · 06/05/2025 18:56

Victim blaming...

I’d disagree. OP is her own victim when it’s a case of fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

beAsensible1 · 06/05/2025 19:08

TheThreeMiracles · 06/05/2025 14:11

Because you think people may learn from their mistakes and change, unfortunately he clearly hasn’t ! I thought he would have come back after the experience we had before, baby has moved now but I do wonder what it would feel like to have him care ! X

I think a baby is quite a big punt to test that theory on a 3rd time frankly.

he thinks you are trying to ruin his fun and lying or he doesn’t care.
no point getting worked up about it, just focus on getting baby here well and safe. Don’t plan to rely on him being present when you need him and make back up arrangements.

Bestfadeplans · 06/05/2025 19:24

If you've got reduced movement, you still need to be seen, even if baby has moved since you first realised.

HuffleMyPuffle · 06/05/2025 22:35

Katemax82 · 06/05/2025 18:56

Victim blaming...

There's nothing to say he's abusive. Just he's not very caring.

Moonnstars · 06/05/2025 22:39

No he doesn't sound very caring, but then he doesn't sound like he ever has.
Did he want children?

Eenameenadeeka · 06/05/2025 22:58

I'm sorry, it's really stressful when you are worried about baby and he should be supporting you not getting annoyed at you.

GreenCandleWax · 06/05/2025 23:01

outerspacepotato · 06/05/2025 14:57

I'm glad your baby started moving again. Time to set up emergency transport with a friend or neighbor or family member considering your husband refuses to leave work if you need to go in and be seen on an emergency basis.

No. He doesn't care.

What are you going to do about that?

I'd start by not havingn more children with him.

JWhipple · 06/05/2025 23:09

TheThreeMiracles · 06/05/2025 14:11

Because you think people may learn from their mistakes and change, unfortunately he clearly hasn’t ! I thought he would have come back after the experience we had before, baby has moved now but I do wonder what it would feel like to have him care ! X

Why would he change? Hes learnt he can continue as usual, do what he wants and you'll deal with everything and he isn't inconvenienced at all. Get rid of him, even with three kids your life will be better without him by the sounds of things. I'm guessing he doesn't help out when you or the kids are unwell.

Blueuggboots · 07/05/2025 08:36

He’s an arse. My EXH did this to me - I’d been in hospital over a week heavily pregnant. Was on the labour ward and asked him to come and see me. He complained I’d cost him a fortune in petrol and parking that week and why did he have to come again?!