To feel like being attractive sometimes means people assume the worst?

[MySharpOliveExpert]

I’ve always felt that some people put me in a box - “oh, she’s pretty, so she must have slept her way into this position” or “she’s only here because of how she looks.” But that’s never been how I operate and it’s frustrating to feel like my achievements are dismissed because of assumptions about my appearance.

Have others experienced this? AIBU to think that being attractive sometimes comes with unfair judgements?

In toxic workplaces, yes

People will judge no matter what you do.

Do people really say those things to you? How rude of them.

They rarely say it outright, it’s more the subtle digs or the way certain achievements are downplayed. Sometimes it’s the tone, sometimes it’s the assumptions. I know others have it worse it different ways but it can still be frustrating to feel underestimated for the wrong reasons.

You know your own worth, and there are LOTS of benefits to being attractive, so focus on the positives.

If no one has actually said those words then you’re putting an awful lot of words in someone’s mouth. You could be way off of what they think

Pretty privilege does exist, so people will always have something to say and yes, you may have benefitted from being attractive.

Are you feeling out of your depth in your position or are your accomplishments in line with your abilities?

Being blunt - yes being attractive has its downsides but so does many other things. Life is hard for almost everyone for one thing or the other. Of course you are entitled to feel frustrated by it but honestly being attractive has more positives than negatives so focus on the positive side.

There has has been studies about this. And it’s actually very much the opposite.
It’s called halo effect (and of course pretty privilege) people assume that good looking people are smart, kind, funny, trust worthy etc, just based on their good looks.
So you actually have a lot of advantages, yai! Enjoy!

Hmm, a gorgeous woman in the workplace and I’d think 1) the full package! What a woman and/or 2) if she is merely just beauty but succeeding then good for her for using all her talents to get what she wants (that doesn’t have to me shagging anyone, just using her gifts to persuade and charm).

In real life, let’s say a saw a gorgeous stranger, I’d probably be a bit intimidated and presume she might be a bit of a mean girl (just based on playground tropes) but I’m a big enough girl to not let this show and get to know her instead, and then I’d just think “fuck I wish I had her bone structure”

I don’t deny that pretty privilege exists but that doesn’t cancel out hard work or ability. I wouldn’t still be in my position if I wasn’t capable and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. This post wasn’t about denying privilege, just pointing out that being seen as attractive can sometimes come with assumptions that undermine your credibility.

It’s unfair but sadly there are always going to be rude people. I imagine people who have a rude mindset, they’d likely find something else to dislike you for if you weren’t attractive

‘He played the race card to get this job’ for eg

& If you’re too unattractive people will still make negative assumptions about you too, and there is research of the ‘halo effect’

I think being attractive is some sort of spectrum, being a natural beauty on one end, being super sexy on the other end.
I used to work with a woman who was a beauty, angel face, beautiful long blond hair, always very elegant, all in black. People at work were definitely very positive about her, and it helped that she was very smart, good at her job and super nice. I think in her case, having pretty privilege manifested in having a lot of confidence (the kind a mediocre man would have)

The sexy end though, its something else. It can be seen as trying too much, misplaced confidence, being a bit in your face.

If I'm honest, I think I would be more defiant of a sexy woman (think revealing clothes, lip-fillers, full makeup, overdone hair etc...) than of a naturally beautiful woman.

Yes. I was very pretty when i was in my twenties and i received a lot of hate in workplaces. And outside workplaces. My older female relatives were also nasty to me.
There were three female cousins in my extended family. Me and two others. My cousins both happened to be overweight and plain looking. I was slim and pretty. At every family gathering my two cousins and my aunts would be nasty to me. And then tell me it was my fault they were being nasty to me. My mum and men that were at the events noticed it, and said that it all came from jealousy.

Its sad because when you are a young beautiful woman , you never get to enjoy it because other women are so cruel and jealous

I used to get such nastiness.

Now im 41 and im not good looking anymore, i definitely get less cruelty from women at work.

But im angry because i feel that all of my young years were ruined

I just think fuck ‘em and I really wouldn’t worry. You know you’ve worked hard. But being pretty will have certainly helped.

Look - you’re successful in your career and you’re hot. It’s a really good problem to have. Being nice is just another blow to the bitches that criticise you, just own it and think how fortunate you are.

Put it this way... When going to a job interview I would get the job it if it were a man, never if it were a woman. Make of that what you will.

Absolutely! You have to adopt a 'fuck em' attitude to naysayers.
You shouldn't need to break your back to prove what is obvious. Don't allow the noise to drown out your capabilities. Own who and what you are.

Loads of research on it and still
more underway! Fascinates me.
Will Post some links later when home!

Upshot is Poor you etc, but the evidence suggests the perks afforded to the beautiful far out weigh the downside!
To be fair it could well be the case that
your looks may have played a part in how you have got on in the workplace or in life more generally.
Just be glad if not grateful man!
and don’t overthink it, because if you do go down that particular rabbit hole i
think the odds that you have not benefitted from pretty priv would be stacked against you!!!

some people put me in a box - “oh, she’s pretty, so she must have slept her way into this position” or “she’s only here because of how she looks.”

only those who are bitter and jealous. Who cares what they think?

You would be judged whatever you do -you only notice when it touches a nerve. Don't be ashamed of being attractive, you just need equally attractive friends.

Comments from bitchy people are only about themselves, not about you.

Thinking about it in the organisation I work for most of the women under 30
odd all look great and probably equally pretty as all make loads of effort and wear nice clothes makeup and are well groomed. Odd one stands out but not markedly as a women can look good even on a tight budget. I think if someone is slim and well groomed with good hair make up and clothes it can be much of a muchness these days as the bar for self care and looking good is higher but cheaper to do than say in the 90s.
I guess what Im trying to say is that in order for you to stand out and draw any sort of attention at my place, you’d probably need to look like Sophia Loren or someone like that ??

what industry are you in?
and are you beautiful pretty or are you a hotty ? As the latter can definitely court resentful jibes like the ones you mentioned.

Given that nobody's actually said anything directly, how do you know people's apparent animosity is related to your appearance?

Yes being beautiful can give you pretty privilege
being hot or being seen to be trying to be hot can be seen as a threat esp by other women and undermines your intelligence in the eyes of men.
long standing evolutionary reasons for this.
I find it fascinating.

This is why for beautiful
young widows in Spain and Italy years ago there was an unspoken rule in order to stay part of mainstream society would be to put weight on and wear black, lest you became a threat to the still married women and their husbands and would therefore be shunned.
This is what my ex- husbands great aunt did and when I saw two black and white photos a year apart after the loss of her husband at 27 I couldn’t it believe the same
person.

Do you mean trashy rather than hot?

It definitely happens with some people. People often assume I'm a lot younger than I am and I am pretty (yes, actually!!). So yeah, you get loads of judgement from certain types.

For example those who read a comment from someone saying they look younger than they are and they're pretty and instantly convincing themselves I must be either lying, blind, or full of it).