Any SAHMs feel like they’ve got nothing to talk about these days?

[Dreno]

I always saw myself as an interesting, dynamic person. DH and I always had so much to talk about. But since being home with my baby (another on the way) I just feel deeply boring. When dh and I take the dog for a walk we sometimes have nothing to say after I’ve given a run down on anything interesting the dog or baby did.

I hate it. I’m embarrassed for myself.

That was what made me decide to go back to work. I was bored and felt I was boring.

I think if your identity is wrapped up in what you do, you will feel disenfranchised by full time motherhood. This is why motherhood creates a fuller human being.

Do you go out much with your baby?

It’s not just work, I don’t think I talked much about work before. But I’m no longer seeing funny things on the train into London or have gossip from after work drinks. That sort of thing.

God no! I don't know how women who work full time do it! HOW do they find the time to read the papers, and read books, and go to museums and galleries and the theater, keep up with family members? Keeping on top of current affairs is practically a FT job these days 😕

I make an effort to leave the house daily. And do baby groups plus coffee with other mums twice a week maybe three times if I’m very bored.

Totally agree with this. I need an identity beyond domesticity.

This is why I could never stay home and raise kids. Life is so much more than domesticity and raising babies.

If it helps, i used to feel the same way.

I used to try to watch the 6 o clock news or remember an article I read in the paper that day so that i'd have a conversation opener if I needed one when we were eating dinner later. You could try that.

I think the same issue arises with working from home… I used to find the best bit about work was the getting dressed up, travelling, stopping in for my coffee, going for lunches, people watching ln the way to the office and in meetings, lunches - sometimes fancy, dinners & drinks with the team after a long day, impromptu stuff after work. Flying to clients, or site visits, training days, seeing new places as you go. All gone with wfh.

I happily spent an entire evening (at least it felt like that, probably longer to H) about why I disliked "The Tiger Who Came to Tea" book!

There's not a great deal you can do with a baby other than baby groups or meeting with other baby mums... which means you're still just doing baby stuff.

I agree with others, I need to make business decisions, talk current affairs, laugh at grown up stuff etc. 24/7 babying made me feel like I was slowly shrinking into a one dimensional bore. I think it's part of the reason a high percentage of couples separate in the early stage of parenting.

Find the right mum friends and the gossip follows!

Sometimes, but then I remember that there's nothing more boring than having to listen to people bang on about work so I really don't give a shit 😂

Are you saying people without kids aren’t full human beings, whatever that means?

I've felt like that for the few years I was a SAHM but I actually enjoyed just being wrapped up in that part of life. Once my youngest started school I went back to work full time and have started going out with friends and having hobbies again. It is hard when they're very small but life will open up again!

Do you not talk about, say how you are going to navigate things as your children grow? Take the tv show Adolescence, or the misogyny that is infiltrating children's society?

I saw a video, when it first blew up in popularity, of an 8 year old(?) throwing a game controller at a huge tv because of something in Fortnite. That prompted a discussion that went off on tangents about the psychology of gaming and parental responsibility.

I've been a SAH for 17 years, more or less, well no salary job, and we never run out of stuff to talk about. It was less when the children were under 3, but it accelerated quickly.

I met similar minded, and not so similar in some cases, mums at baby groups and we went to each others houses and talked as adults. There were small scandals at the school gates, which are fun if you aren't part of them, actually sometimes if you are.

You could take your children out for photoshoots, not to put online but just for personal record. Get creative with the children in front of you. Or pretend to build a business together, or paint masterpieces.

I does get more interesting once the children can read, create, want you to cook different foods, have ideas themselves.

But anything you are doing, investigate, or research. For instance if you decide to plant some things in the garden with them, why not look into building a bee friendly patch, researching the importance of bees and trying to help give them a patch of the garden is, well quite interesting and quite important. That sort of thing.

I attempted to read a couple of baby rearing books I guess you could call them, I completely opposed the Gina Ford method but also thought the gentle baby led philosophy was too far the other way. My critique on what I discovered was always up for discussion.

So until now we've never run out of things to say, obviously there are lull patches but there are if you go to work as well. When H goes into the office, as he drives from here to there, and the office is hybrid, and he can't go for a drink afterwards, actually no one does really, he hasn't got anything to say when he goes into work, or very rare he has more to say when he works from home.

No I’m sorry I don’t think that at all! I think generally people who have kids say it’s the best thing they ever did and they feel all the richer for it ( ..not financially though….)

Actually it gave us the incentive to become more financially secure and think much more into the future, earnt much more than they cost, gradually of course.

Just the motivation we needed.

Aw that’s brilliant! Well done!

I'm not a SAHM, burbapaet from my one hobby, which I'll accept can be boring to others, I can be short of conversation topics for others. I make a point of reading two quality newspapers, one in either side of the political spectrum at least 2/3 times a week, especially the opinion pieces, (I have them on the app) so now I can always say "what do you think about..." or "I read an interesting article on..." I also try to take an interest in the sport headlines, then men people will take charge of the conversation for a while, when I'm worn out with it. It's not something I find easy, but it is something I can do when I make an effort.

I used to find at parties where mixing with other people that worked that I felt very dull compared to those who just had a broader lived experience of the world. As a sahm my world mainly revolved around my kids as they were all very close in age so it was a frenzy of potty training, weaning, sleep management etc. all the people I hung out with were mums so we must have sounded so very boring going on about puréed carrot and the latest baby sing a long class! It felt absolutely crucial to discuss at the time though! 😂

This is getting so tedious now, yet another thread moaning about SAHM not SAHP I might add! Just seriously get a life.

I generally find people's work stories the least interesting thing about them, unless they have some unusual job that's particularly good for anecdotes.

It's still possible to be interested in current affairs and go to exhibitions, talks and do things as a sahm.

I think a lot of mums working or sah actually get very tired and stresswd stop doing hobbies or going out and about but sahm blame it in being a sah parent if that makes sense?

I worked and there was a patch where my work stories were dull and i was too knackered to be interesting. So no different really.

I don't think it's necessarily work stories you gain from working, but being around people and gaining their stories.

I have a fortnightly physio appointment. The physio is a young woman with a very interesting life, so I always have stories after I've seen her. If you don't see anyone (and wfh has the same issue) you don't gain stories.