Aibu to say no more lifts to DD's dad

[Juliahuliah]

To be fair he's always been
a bit entitled and demanded contact times are on his schedule it wasn't until it impacted dd I put my foot down. But now my Sunday's seem taken up with being available
to drive an hour round trip
to collect dd. He won't drop as he likes to have a drink on the Sunday afternoon and he feels strongly that it's both of our jobs to do. But after 14 years doing this I'm tired, don't have the money and he see's her 4 hours a week which she doesn't even want to do that. I have done this as u felt it best for my dd to collect her but lately I just think he can do it. Aibu if I give him
a date where he will need to do lifts?
I just want a bit more freedom in my life instead of being restricted by him. He pays maintenance at a lower rate but aside from that I get zero help and a whole lot of judgement!
Im thinking of saying he needs to do lifts. He doesn't like it when DD doesn't want to go to his, and I call and cancel I'm debating saying thy I will
ask dd to message him, I can let him
know if there are any wider issues but if not it's between him and dd. I'd rather just support dd with it than have to be a go between being blamed and made out to be a liar!

He’s a CF and you’ve enabled it - I understand why, I used to do it too. Just tell him you’re not doing it anymore. The ball is in his court then.

She is allowed a voice legally now, she needs to use it.

You need to show her how by saying no.

Just tell him you can no longer do the lifts and he needs to make arrangements with DD directly.

Tell your DD that you are not able to do lifts and it's up to her what she wants to do and you'll support her.

Not your monkey.

well if he feels so strongly it's both your jobs to do, you've done the last 14 years...

But if she can't be bothered to turn up and watch him drinking in a pub week after week, she's old enough to decide that.

Let's see if I have this right... he sees her once a week for four hours and during his contact time he drinks? Father of the year isn't he.

She is 14 and has stated she doesn't want to go - then don't make her go. No court will insist she goes, and it'll take at least a year before it gets before a judge anyway - providing he can be bothered to take the court route. Enjoy your new day of freedom!

Has dd never got a bus? Past secondary school age my dc popped between both houses bus or train.

But she doesn't want to go!

YANBU drop the rope.

At 14 she doesn't have to go. But at her age the bus would he been appropriate for at least a couple of years!
At 12 my ds stopped seeing his df...

Yes. Her choice now. I wouldn't facilitate. She can make her own arrangements with him that don't involve taxi of Mum.

Does he pick her up and you bring her back or are you doing both?

Yeah I'd just stop facilitating this. It's not even for your daughter's benefit as she doesn't want to go

I’d just say if he wants to see her he’ll have to pick her up and drop her back. You’re not doing lifts anymore. If she doesn’t want to go she doesn’t have to. Maybe if he made an effort to take her somewhere exciting she might want to spend time with him

Absolutely stop it, particularly as she is not interested.
You are a saint to have fone this for 14 years.
Don't discuss it or engage further.
It is on him to organise and support your daughter if she says no.

He sounds like suchva loser.

Just tell him you have a new hobby of drinking on a Sunday and can't pick up anymore

To the pub by the sounds of it. Grim. Give it up, we give you permission to x

Does he do the pick ups?

If you are only doing half of the lifts your dd needs to have contact with both parents then that’s fair, unless he chose to move away in which case it’s all his responsibility. If you moved the hour away, it’s all yours.

It’s important for children to have relationships with both parents even when they become stroppy teenagers. I think she should be encouraged to maintain contact and it is lazy to tell her she doesn’t have to go just so you don’t have to do the driving.

My DD would not be wanting to give up every Sunday to go and see someone when she’s got her friends and homework and just being a teenager . It’s time you let her have a say in her own time and if she don’t want to go then that’s upto her regardless of the travelling ,

Well she refused to go the past 2 weeks and messaged him directly he said that's fine to her but then ages me directly this week saying I had to pick times he gave me! And when I suggested he discuss with her directly he told me she is too is too disorganised and doesn't answer hun and that he will arrange with me directly . Thing is she hates going as she says thinks like when they go out they and his other 3 children have to share one meal between them whilst they have a full meal each. They are allowed one drink each whilst he and his wife have umpteen alcoholic drinks. Yes I do want her to see her dad and have a relationship but I give up at trying to make him be the dad he needs to be! He's making me feel like it's all on me when I feel at my wits end arguing with him about it. I do absolutely everything else and don't want to fight about it anymore when he makes minimal effort. He's so judgey that when she gets a detention on class charts he messages me immediately asking that I explain then makes some shitty comment or doesn't reply!
times iv messaged him at the weekend he won't reply until midweek
dd suggested he see her in the week this week and that if give a lift he messages me directly to say he couldn't due to work and to pick Saturday or Sunday
I tried to see he needs to take an active role in this as it's all on me and he basically said tough it is on me as she won't communicate with him

Just ignore him op, every time he texts you send the same message back, " you need to talk to DD and arrange with her, I'm not organising contact. " just keep repeating yourself, he'll get annoyed but will give up eventually.