Aibu to say no more lifts to DD's dad

[Juliahuliah]

To be fair he's always been
a bit entitled and demanded contact times are on his schedule it wasn't until it impacted dd I put my foot down. But now my Sunday's seem taken up with being available
to drive an hour round trip
to collect dd. He won't drop as he likes to have a drink on the Sunday afternoon and he feels strongly that it's both of our jobs to do. But after 14 years doing this I'm tired, don't have the money and he see's her 4 hours a week which she doesn't even want to do that. I have done this as u felt it best for my dd to collect her but lately I just think he can do it. Aibu if I give him
a date where he will need to do lifts?
I just want a bit more freedom in my life instead of being restricted by him. He pays maintenance at a lower rate but aside from that I get zero help and a whole lot of judgement!
Im thinking of saying he needs to do lifts. He doesn't like it when DD doesn't want to go to his, and I call and cancel I'm debating saying thy I will
ask dd to message him, I can let him
know if there are any wider issues but if not it's between him and dd. I'd rather just support dd with it than have to be a go between being blamed and made out to be a liar!

Assuming she is 14+ from your comments I'd set up a WhatsApp group between the 3 of you and suggest he speaks to DD about contact and when he plans to pick her up... let her run with it from there.

You are not his secretary and unless court ordered to communicate with him in any given way you simply do not have to!

Just tell him you can’t give DD lifts that day as you don’t have enough petrol/have other commitments.

Stop replying, you don't have to reply to him. He sounds like a waste of space and your daughter doesn't even want to go, take control back op and send him one last message to say you will no longer be doing lifts and it's on him to facilitate his time with his daughter, he needs to text her to learn how to communicate with her. If he keeps texting I'd just block him for a while

This is such a good idea. I will do this!

I really want to do this I just feel scared about it and worry about the impact on dd

It’s not lazy to support a young adult making an informed choice but it’s extremely lazy to opt out of all the grunt work involved in parenting.

For 164 out of 168 hours, OP is the default/only parent so OP is doing every other lift; school discos and trips, visit to friends, GP/dental appointments, shopping in town, etc. It seems pretty unfair he can’t even manage two trips whilst she’s delivering a pretty much 24/7 mum’s taxi service.

I would say it once and not repeat it at all.

Thank you! Very much this. What annoys me more than the lifts is that it's his time, he can't see her in the week and tells her it's cos of work when she knows he goes to football and then he expects me to make sure she goes when he is aware she doesn't want and has a go if she's doesn't get he can't say no to her when she goes directly to him.
im just bloody tired of it to be honest

When my 3 x dc got secondary school age I simply blocked exh.
Had years of him using my phone to control me.
Twas quite liberating!

Block him

I would message him saying DD is old enough for him to make arrangements with her, if he wants to see her he picks her up and brings her back himself. Then block him, explain to your DD, it’s completely up to her whether she sees him but he will have to arrange for her to get home.
You’ve spent years picking her up from her dad’s @Juliahuliahso she could see him. She’s at an age she notices he doesn’t make an effort and really it’s a day out for the adults to drink alcohol with the kids tagging along. They don’t even buy the kids a meal each as they would rather buy an extra drink each.