I know I am very much not BU, however I’d be interested to know whether this would cause others to end the marriage.
Background - married to DH 5 years, 18 month old DC. Both work full time, DH travels a lot for work (often abroad). As is often the case following mat leave etc I am 100% default parent and I am thinking more and more DH is just taking the piss. He lives as if he’s a bachelor and the house is hotel, occasionally ‘helping’ with DC when he feels like it or when it suits. He can be ok and does the odd night here and there to give me a break (low bar, I know!)
The issue I am facing is he is obsessed with an online game (plays online with strangers I believe, talking into headphones, although he refers to them as ‘friends’.) I have no problem if this is how he wants to spend his evenings when DC is in bed, or if we had allocated free time while the other watches DC. It is annoying that I can’t even go and ask him questions as he’s stressed out with the game and I can’t ‘disturb’ him, but when DC is in bed I don’t really care.
Today has tipped me over the edge. I was up in the night as DC was poorly. DH got up at 8am, saying he needed more sleep as he had ‘calculated what time he’d go to bed’ - essentially he just felt like playing until 1am and muggins here would get up with DC, no questions asked. DC was up at 6.
DH disappeared during the late morning while I was playing with DC to start gaming. Didn’t ask if this was ok. He has literally been shut away with headphones on for about 2.5 hours. In that time, I have given up even asking him to stop and come and share the load with DC. We’ve been for a walk, had lunch and DC is in bed for nap. He has absolved himself of all responsibility because he just feels like it.
To make matters worse, he’s away from next week for a week on an overseas trip. Not only will I be solo parenting and exhausted, and he knows this, he will have unlimited child free time. He also won’t see DC for a week, of course.
I feel absolutely incensed with rage over his attitude and selfishness today and I think this has just been building up over time. DH doesn’t lift a finger around the house (luckily we have cleaner, family support etc). I really feel like my reasons for staying in the marriage are financial now (both high earners but of course I am under no illusions that being a single parent is very financially pressured). I also do not have the mental energy to go through the trauma of divorce, shared custody, selling family home, etc. So the temptation is to just plod along, have an argument about today and then just carry on.
But, this is not acceptable behaviour from DH, surely? Has anyone else ended a marriage under similar circumstances? DC is my whole world and the idea of a bitter custody battle and losing time with them is really distressing but I don’t know how much longer I can live with this man child.
Would divorce and single parenthood be better than this, honestly?