Really need some advice on inlaws

[Londongal85]

Hi all. How would you deal with this?
My m.i.l has asked my f.i.l is there is something going on with myself & f.i.l. Of course this is completely ridiculous.

Jealous type of woman and known for saying ridiculous things. However I feel that this is just unacceptable and crossed the line this time.
OH actually laughed when he heard but then approached her and said this was toxic etc etc and not to be speaking to us.

Thought I had an okay relationship with both pils however obviously not.
Haven't seen her since and don't really intend too just not sure what to do for the best if my children ask about her. I'm embarrassed upset and actually quite hurt about this.

That’s such a judgmental thing to say. You too will have to go through the menopause, it happens to every woman. It does not make you think your DH is shagging your DIL.

I genuinely don’t think you should be interacting with her at all to be honest, she sounds crazy. What is she going to come up with next?! Agree with PP tell the kids she’s unwell and just avoid (forever?)

@PenelopeK I know. How much worse can it get??!! Mortified really. My poor fil worried the kids won't come and see him now 😢

What has your partner said? Would he take the kids to see FIL on his own? Like a cafe or something. I’m surprised FIL isn’t leaving her tbh, not sure how they would move past this. Sorry you’re having to deal with it, sounds awful.

Early sign of dementia?

@PenelopeKmy husband has said he won't speak to her. It's the straw that has broke the camels back sort of speak.

However he wants kids to continue to see there DGF as he is the innocent party in all of this. Mil has supposedly really apologised to him and asked him to come back and he has. However we have not gotten an apology - not that I would accept it.

I'm afraid of bumping into her small village.

@CraftyYankeeOh no. She would often say and do things like this...this just being the worst ao far. Perhaps bpd? But I'm not medical so couldn't possibly say

Sil apparently added fuel to the fire when she was asked. Hated me and DH for 20years so would love a family divide. The jealousy runs in the blood.

It sounds like you and your husband might be able to work out a way to stay in touch with FIL then if that’s what you want, I’d be a bit suspicious of him enabling her if she’s always been odd/nasty though. I’d be tempted to just stop speaking to them all if there’s issues with SIL too. What a nightmare!

Maybe she's seen signs that he's shagging SOMEBODY and she's trying to work out who.

Or else he's got a long history of infidelity and it's made her paranoid and mad.

Could be the beginnings of dementia.

I wouldn't dream of letting her see the children.
What if she says something?
She has spoken to other family.

Stay completely away and leave this to your partner to navigate.

This would be very upsetting for children to hear.
Don't risk it.

Why on earth would you think this was menopausal?
Does she have form for this sort of thing? My mum imagined all sorts when she had delirium in hospital. It could be dementia or a uti.

I would not want my kids around someone that bonkers , it’s a safeguarding issue

@Elsvieta nope none neither

@Carpetty this is the worst bit. She has been shouting off to other family members so what's to stop telling my teens.

I don't know whether to approach her and give off about it first or just quietly never speak to her again. There's a family wedding coming up so that will be nice and awkward.

@pimplebum I know right?

Don't expose your children to this.
Forget about the wedding, just avoid her.
But do not allow this toxicity around your children.
This is your partners family.
It is for him to manage IMO.
Do not approach her is my advice.

Be explicit in your absolute disgust to anyone she has spoken to.
Don't hold back in briefly ridiculing it and expressing disgust.

I would tell your teenagers before they hear it from someone else, TBH. Obviously they will know it's ridiculous.

Is she sound of mind in other ways?

@Carpettythank you. I intend to just ignore her really forever but afraid she may call round. She would be very brass.

@luckylavenderyes 100% full time professional job but IMO always a bit unhinged and just behaviour seems enabled in this family.

If she has form, look up paranoid personality disorder, not to diagnose but just to see if it helps make sense of the behaviour. It's rare especially in women but PPDs are extremely jealous/paranoid like this and if it's something in that ballpark, FIL has probably been accused before with other women.

Regardless of what's actually up with her, my best advice is to avoid as much as possible as she cannot be reasoned out of something when she's managed to convince herself of something so batshit. And I definitely wouldn't leave the kids with her.

@bigboykittyI think I'll tell them. I'm sure they'll laugh out loud at first as DH and I did.

@Mareleinethank you. I'll have a look