AIBU for wanting a little bit of privacy?

[SingleRoo123]

Hi 👋 My daughter takes my phone without me knowing or she will just grab it from me to check on Instagram or X/Twitter for example. She looks through my photos and looks on my apps. She is almost 13. I’m single and have joined all the usual dating apps. My daughter goes into them or checks my messages and starts asking about them or who a certain guy is. AIBU to want a little bit of privacy? I am constantly guarding my phone and hiding apps. I have set up Face ID for some of the apps so she can’t get into them but it doesn’t really make a difference as she knows my passcode. My life is basically not my own to be honest. I have spoken with DD and asked her to stop taking my phone but it’s like talking to a brick wall. I am even hesitant to post this in case she takes my phone and checks my emails and sees I have posted this. Any advice would be appreciated 😊

Change your passcode? And maybe tell your daughter not to, and give consequences if she does?

Change your passcode would seem to be the obvious solution.

Does she have her own phone? And could you change your passcode?

At the risk of sounding really blindingly astoundingly obvious, change your passcode? 🙄

set it to fingerprint only and give her consequences every time she tries to take it

The answer to this is obvious and has already been posted and will be dozens more times

Actually unless it's my imagination, I'm sure this actual thread has been posted before?

Change your pass code, to something she won't guess. And point out that you could intrude into her life in embarrassing ways, and if she doesn't respect boundaries with you, you won't do it with her.

She’s does have her own phone but she isn’t allowed social media so checks on mine so I can check what she is looking at. I should have mentioned that I did come from an abusive relationship and passcodes were always shared as her Dad was a control freak and would go wild if my code was changed. I am struggling to get out of that mindset.

Seriously did not think about that 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 I’m a complete idiot 😂

Oh come on, you can change it right now.

If you're unwilling to do it and you're not disciplining your daughter, how do you think anything's going to change?

What the fuck?? What sanctions do you give her for this behaviour??

I’ve commented about why changing passcodes is hard for me. Love your username by the way 😂

It's not hard.

It takes seconds.

Just do it.

The bigger problem that needs tackling is your daughter's disrespect.

Fairly obviously, change your passcode to something she can't guess. Also, you need to have a come-to-Jesus chat with her about keeping her hands off your prop. She's not a baby, she can understand basic rules and manners. I bet she doesn't grab her friends phones at school and go through them.

Here to say this, I'm sure we've had this exact thread before. Usually with a load more backstory that follows.

Change the passcode, set up finger print or Face ID.

given your update, try to be kind to yourself.
But learn to set boundaries about who can look at your phone/private things and when.

And teach this to your daughter too. That is going to be an important lesson for her given your previous relationship.

Yabu. Stop being such a wet lettuce, change your fucking pass code and start parenting.

Just change the passcode. There's literally no other solution so not sure what answer you're looking for

You ASKED her?! Asking means people can say no and carry on as usual.

Telling: "You are not allowed to look at my phone, and if I see you with it again the consequence will be (whatever usual consequence you give her)."

You're the parent, act like one. You've obviously never told her no and meant it.

Stop talking? And take action? As in, introduce consequences for wilful disobedience? I would think a week without her own phone would do the trick.

@BallerinaRadio yip on reading the op ,I thought this sounds familiar.

Meant gently, but it sounds like she is starting to move into abusive/controlling behaviours as she realises there are no real consequences for any of it. It sounds like she has an unusual amount of information about your dating life, which Im not sure is wise at 13.

Have you done the freedom programme?

Literally flick out of this now, and take 5 mins to change your passcode to something she wont guess, and add fingerprint if you want as well.