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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take some time off work sick

43 replies

flapjackfriday · 04/05/2025 15:34

The last few years have been tough. Obviously the pandemic was rough in general but I was forced to leave a job that I loved and move back in with my mum. The isolation and stress affected my mental health and I ended up depressed and on antidepressants for the first time in my life (which I still take) and I still go to counselling.
It took me a long time to get another job which was tricky because my relationship with my mum is complicated and very painful at times and without a decent job I wasn't able to move out.
Thankfully I got a job eventually and while I'm grateful, my current job can be very stressful. I manage a team of 11 staff and there have been a lot of changes in our organisation that we've had no control over, often at very short notice. As a result my workload has increased a lot and my manager, while friendly and nice, is a bit ineffectual at supporting me.
I have however just bought my first house which is amazing. But it requires some work before I can move in and that has been exhausting too.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, a lot of my community has changed in the last year or so and I miss a lot of the familiar faces I used to see week in week out.
My grandad died about 18 months ago and just this week my nanny has died too. The family dynamics/relationships with both of them were complicated so I feel a lot of mixed emotions.
I feel overwhelmed with it all and I just need life to stop for a bit. WIBU to phone in sick to work? If I do, how long for? In the last 2 years I've only ever had 1 day off so I'm really not used to taking time off sick

OP posts:
user1471538275 · 04/05/2025 15:42

You're not sick though.

You're just experiencing lots of life stress, like most of us. There are times in our lives that are more and less stressful, we just have to deal with it.

How are you managing your life stress? Exercise?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2025 15:42

Unless you mean just a couple of days - or if you are genuinely sick with eg stress - I don’t think that sick leave should be used in this way.

Topsy44 · 04/05/2025 15:48

Can you keep your weekends free and very low stress/demand on you instead. Get some nice food in, watch boxsets, a good book to read.
I don’t know if that’s possible but I do find this helps when I’m feeling overwhelmed with life.

Beyondburnout · 04/05/2025 15:51

You need to rake annual leave a d work in looking after yourself.

Paellama · 04/05/2025 15:51

You're not ill. This is just life. Go to work.

andtheworldrollson · 04/05/2025 15:52

Is it affecting your work performance ? How long do you think you would need?

1 day because you need a little extra time to recharge to be effective fine - a week when no one at work could tell you were underperforming would be wrong

OddBoots · 04/05/2025 15:53

Is there a change you can make that would help you?

I was feeling overwhelmed with stressful work combined with a lot of tough stuff at home and the thing that helped me most was a flexible working request to condense my hours and now I work 9 longer days a fortnight, having that extra day mid week every 2 weeks to take some time for myself has made a massive difference.

anniegun · 04/05/2025 15:55

Why not book some holiday time off to reset a bit?

MrsTigerface · 04/05/2025 15:56

@flapjackfriday , if you are feeling genuinely overwhelmed then it does sound like some time out would help you. Only you know how bad you feel, and whether you would benefit from some R&R.

Do you feel that meds from the GP would help, in the short to medium term?

Wishing you well x

sesquipedalian · 04/05/2025 15:56

Yes, YWBU to phone in sick when you’re not. If you’re not there, some other person will have to pick up your work - what about their mental health and feeling overwhelmed? If you need to take some annual leave, by all means do so, but phoning in sick when you’re not is frankly unacceptable.

Justlurking101 · 04/05/2025 15:57

Just book some annual leave

LilDeVille · 04/05/2025 15:58

That doesn’t sound too bad - a house move, a job, aging/dying grandparents, it’s just the phase of life you’re in. Surely things are better than when you were jobless and living with your mum? Agree re annual leave - that’s for things like sorting out a house after a move, not just holidays.

Original poster
flapjackfriday · 04/05/2025 16:00

To clarify - I wouldn't phone in sick if I wasn't sick. I'm wondering if I am overwhelmed to the point that I am sick. I don't know anymore. I feel numb and so, so tired. I feel like I keep going and putting on a brave face for everyone but underneath it all I am really struggling. I already have medication from my GP

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 04/05/2025 16:02

I would book two weeks annual leave and just rest, then see how you feel. But don’t pathologise normal tiredness.

Paellama · 04/05/2025 16:02

You're on long term antidepressants like many people who manage to go to work. Sick leave from work is to recover from something that stops you working. Then you go back and carry on. If you don't change anything in your lifestyle or mindset, nothing will change and 'time off' will just be that.

Cynic17 · 04/05/2025 16:05

But you're not sick, OP. I haven't had a day off sick in 13 years - I count myself lucky, of course. I don't consider that I've earned the right to bunk off work for a few days.

DownWithCremeEggs · 04/05/2025 16:08

I think these comments are a bit harsh. You definitely do sound quite stressed and overwhelmed, and stress is a very common reason to get signed off work sick. However, if you can I'd try and book some annual leave rather than take time off sick.

MoominMai · 04/05/2025 16:21

I experienced something a little similar to you, dad died and few months later had to move into new home alone because of DV. No family or friends to support. Busy job in project management carried on getting busier and I also felt ill and overwhelmed. Only had 1 day off in last 7 years previously and was just loathe to break it in a weird way and I also didn’t know what I would do sat at home. As some others have suggested I just took out my annual leave at short notice as and when to help me overcome this. I also told my manager so where possible they were able to support me eg just little things like there was a 2 day meeting where I just felt I couldn’t face people in person so was arranged for me to dial in, wfh more days for a while. And it all helped. I think what you need is a coping mechanism so maybe take some time off and research that. Some work places (though I didn’t use it myself) also have stress management plans. It feels like you’re running away from the problem (work) rather than trying to find management strategies which honestly are critical because the ups and downs will be there forever and you don’t want to become reliant on having sick leave as yiur coping mechanism - not least because it could destabilise your job security in the worst case scenario. Wishing you all the best 💚

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2025 16:27

We can’t really tell you if you’re sick, we’re not medical experts.

You haven’t described any symptoms of sickness is why I think everyone is saying you are not. You’re just listing the things you have to do - people can’t diagnose sickness from what’s happening in your life.

Otherwise some annual leave to get you through the busy times with the house is useful - that’s what it’s there for.

I do think the culture of saying “I’m sick” when you’re just busy is not a good one.

Mrsttcno1 · 04/05/2025 16:27

I’m not sure why you need to ring in sick OP, why can’t you take some annual leave?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2025 16:28

PS I’ve also found myself overwhelmed recently and what helped was not just some annual leave but cutting down on my obligations and commitments outside of work.

BeanQuisine · 04/05/2025 16:46

You're telling us you need some time off to rest and recuperate. You're the only one who can know, and there's no reason why we should disbelieve you.

Ignore those saying "you're not sick" - they know virtually nothing about you and are not offering some kind of valuable insight.

Paellama · 04/05/2025 16:56

BeanQuisine · 04/05/2025 16:46

You're telling us you need some time off to rest and recuperate. You're the only one who can know, and there's no reason why we should disbelieve you.

Ignore those saying "you're not sick" - they know virtually nothing about you and are not offering some kind of valuable insight.

If the OP had offered any indication she was actually sick (and she could say anything) I think responses would give her the benefit of the doubt. As it is, she hasn't.

BeanQuisine · 04/05/2025 17:04

Paellama · 04/05/2025 16:56

If the OP had offered any indication she was actually sick (and she could say anything) I think responses would give her the benefit of the doubt. As it is, she hasn't.

Edited
Show quote history

She's said she's suffering from a high degree of stress, which can be classified as mental illness if severe enough. We're not in any position to judge.

If she consults a specialist she may well find that time off work is prescribed. All we can say is that based on how she says she's feeling, it certainly sounds a sensible idea, which she already clearly believes.

Dismissing people's health concerns with no justification, as people have done in this instance, breaks the very most basic rules of counselling, and demonstrates why this place can be positively dangerous for vulnerable people seeking help and advice.

ThisFirmPombear · 04/05/2025 17:08

Gosh, some of these responses are harsh. Is annual leave an option? If not, make a GP apt and get an independent perspective. They may well suggest that you take some time off.

If you think you just need a day or two to recalibrate, I would phone in sick. I have done this once in the 30+ years I've been at work and a day of breathing space made a huge difference.

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