To say the majority of us don’t enjoy hen weekends

[ShrunkInTheWashAgain]

It’s the forced fun, the excessive costs
bring back a simple night out on the town

or do you actually enjoy it ?

I’ve had some wonderful ones, and some awful ones. The low key, let’s get a cabin and relax, play a few wife to be games type ones were great. The expensive city destination hen dos are tacky and awful. Depends entirely on the friend group tbh.

I wouldn’t mind those that are one night in town - dinner, anctivity, etc. But those that are a weekend/ few days away are dreadful.

What??? What’s that? MIL celebrating her son getting married?

Same here. Not my idea of a good weekend. Each to their own. I’d rather decline than be miserable or spoil the weekend for others.

I hate parties of any description.

I went to one hen night, under a certain amount of duress as the rest of the family women were going so I couldn't think of a good reason to decline. Hated it although I forced myself to be sociable all night.

I didn't have a hen do of any sort running up to my own wedding because they really are my idea of hell on earth. I wasn't putting myself through that shit!

That was well over 30 years ago and I have never been to another one. I don't want to either and would definitely decline.

I’m with you OP, not a fan of a hen do but love a wedding. The pressure to make the weekend the best weekend ever for the hen even though you have no control over the general public, weather, doormen etc. The forced fun of it all. The cost. I had my hen do last year and it was day drinking in the city we all live in. A bottomless brunch, beer pong and then drinking into the night for anyone who wanted to stick it out. No sashes, no veils, no L plates. Perfect!

Think it's more an age thing for most, same as clubbing or going to festivals.

Fun when younger as more carefree.

Me and my friends always have a meal and then head to a cocktail bar, nothing over the top. Some family ones have been extravagant and have made my excuses not to go to those.

Love my friends and I usually know their friends. And I also love organised fun so what’s not to enjoy.

I think that the results on this AIBU are very revealing, yet some people are still willing to spend large sums travelling to expensive venues for Hen nights. I've only been to one, on a boat on the Thames with multiple parties, and it was a truly awful experience.

I don't understand why the hen ISN'T expected to organise it herself. At least she'll be getting the experience she wanted. I miss the days when it was just a night out: no fancy dress, no need to take a suitcase or passport, and didn't cost thousands....

I remember organising a friend’s hen do. It was a walk in the country then cocktails then a dinner out then the pub. I emailed to let everyone know the plan and said something like “Please let me know if you are on a very tight budget and I’ll do my best to accommodate that. However this is a day and evening of “activities” so there will be a cost”. There were a couple of people who STILL moaned when the restaurant bill came (and it was very reasonable for two courses and a load of wine). I have no idea how anyone manages to organise a mad, overseas hen do.

Another here who hates them, and my heart drops when I see them getting on a train or plane. They're nearly always made up of women fighting for attention, getting too drunk and acting inappropriately, and if they meet up with the stags it's even worse. Many of the women in the group don't even like each other, many last minute invites to make up the numbers and many mums of young kids who haven't been out in ages and take the boozing too far (or stressing about their kids and can't relax, thus ruining the atmosphere). Being stuck with a huge group of women I don't know is my idea of pure hell.

This remind me of a group of men I saw at the airport wearing Tshirts that said BIG BRY'S LAST SHAG BEFORE HE MARRIES THE HAG
This is utterly disgusting- if I had a fiance and found out he'd worn something like that on his stag, the wedding would be off. Then again, I don't pick immature twats. I hate all of this "your last night as a single man/woman" shit as well- if you're engaged and about to be married, I'm presuming you haven't been single in a while. IME, couples who act like this don't tend to stay married.

I don't like going to weddings either unless it's a very close friend or family member- they're nearly all the same, the bride is always marrying some boring average bastard and the single women (or unmarried/not engaged women with commitment-phobic boyfriends) at the wedding are always secretly sad wondering when it's going to be their "turn" and proceed to get absolutely smashed.....

I think they're only really enjoyable if the other women are people you'd holiday with anyway and would prioritise to spend your cash and annual leave in the company of, and the activities are ones you'd choose to do. If any of these things are missing I think its a recipe for resentment at time and money wasted on an obligation you could have done without.

I’ve only been to one that was residential and it was terrific. We went to centreparcs and enjoyed the pool and cooked and drank together in the evenings. Caught up with friends it was marvellous.

There were no matching outfits or penis items or I’m with the bride nonsense.

Ones where you go out locally for a night out: yes, great, easy too.
Ones where you pay a lot for something you might feel uncomfortable about: it's not for me, really.

I love my friends but for me the best weddings are the ones where they say, we got married and we're having a party, want to come? So the pressure is off everyone.

Maybe this is just my social circle but I don't think I have ever been invited on a hen abroad where this wasn't the case. Do people really invite casual friends on these?

The ones I have been on have always been close friends who I would go away with anyway and whose other friends I know at least a bit

Nights out for a hen are fine.
Weekends would be my idea of hell and I would rather spend the money on my family!

Have been on a couple and had a really good laugh. Not all of the population hates hen parties just those on MN.

but...what's the difference? Why wouldn't you do those things on a hen?

hen do's don't have to be willy straws, fancy dress, sambucca shots and bitchiness (and tbh there's a lot of internalised misogyny in the way some women scoff about groups of other women). A mix of the hens I've been on include cocktail making/nice meal/water sports/going to see a play/comedy night/quad biking/spa/afternoon tea, as well as the standard night out type.
All of which are things I'd do anyway for any other reason - a birthday or just for fun!

You're going to get massively skewed answers on here because lots of people on MN are a) very introverted/antisocial anyway and b) hen weekends are like some bizarre red flag on here for some reason

but I don't get it. Lots of people on here seem to either have no friends or actively (sometimes passively aggressively) hate the friends they do have.

Whereas I am friends with women I like and have a lot in common with. We have fun when we go out together for whatever reason and whatever we do. We don't magically transform into cackling hags wearing penis straws just because the word 'wedding' is mentioned. I don't have more/less fun on hen parties than any other types of social occasions. Literally the main difference between a hen and any other type of occasion is there tends to be more people there I don't know - but because my friends are nice, their friends tend to be nice too, and I meet some interesting new people, so it's all good.

If someone suggested an activity I would really hate doing or was out of my budget I'd politely refuse (or just not go to that bit) and, because they are my friends, and, again, we actually like each other, the hen would be completely okay with that and no offence would be caused.

But in 15 years of hen-going I have never been invited to an activity I disliked that much - because, again, shock horror because I am friends with people similar to me they wouldn't pick things like that in the first place!

I'd say generally an online forum attracts more anti social people so theres always a skewed view on stuff like this.

Im 35 now, so many hen parties are behind me (saying that, I have my sisters hen and a friends hen this summer after a long time with none), but I used to dread the invites. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to celebrate with my friend, it’s just being forced to spend time with people I don’t know and spend £££ that I didn’t have back then on activities I didn’t want to do. They were always at least 2 nights and far away. It’ll they had been dinner, and activity and drinks, I’d have loved it. I’ve also never really drank very much, so found the drinking part boring.