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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My 3 year old at big school nursery - worried he’s too young

59 replies

mythreeyr · 02/05/2025 22:48

My just turned three year old has recently joined a school nursery at a through school.

Before he joined, he was at a day nursery since he was a baby. The day nursery was very small. Small rooms, lots of gates going into the garden - big door system with security cameras and door bells to let you in.

it felt secure. The garden was small and all completely gated off…

the school he’s started at is absolutely huge. Huge playground, Forrest, play areas etc.

during the school day he’s in his nursery room and outdoor area which I’m not worried about. He goes to have lunch in the lunch hall which is also fine as it’s nearby.

but the after school club is my worry. There are children from nursery to year 2 who attend. It’s free flow. Some kids are outside in the yard riding little bikes, others are in the playground near a Forrest and others are inside just running around between lots of classrooms and the lunch hall. It just seems really big for him.

security wise, you just walk up to the door, which the kids can open ( they don’t, but they can ). A member of staff is usually in the room where you pick them up, but sometimes distracted doing stuff with the kids.

it’s absolutely fine for older kids. My older son is at this school too and I’m not worried. But my little one is still so all over the place, I am worried he’ll get lost. The teachers need to supervise him constantly- not like a child in year 1 or 2 of even reception. My older son was nearly 4 when he started so just seemed a bit less ‘ all over the place ‘… my little one is a little menace and loves opening and closing doors and that kind of thing.

It’s a great school, I’m just worried that he may get lost of the teachers will really lose patience with him. He’s a clever little guy, but he’s still in that dangerous phase where you do need to watch him all the time.

does anyone else have experience here, sending a child in this kind of phase to a very big school? Will the teachers be ok watching him so closely ? He’s the youngest child in the school at the moment.

OP posts:
JellyNellyKat · 02/05/2025 23:00

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User79853257976 · 02/05/2025 23:07

Why did you move him? It does sound like the previous setting was more suitable.

DUsername · 02/05/2025 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Genuine question here... What's wrong with you? No, really. What IS wrong with you? Are you a troll, are you having issues with your personal life? Do you maybe just struggle with reading and comprehension because absolutely nothing in the op warranted that?

HiCandles · 02/05/2025 23:10

That does sound like worrying. Can he go back to the nursery? Ours has a preschool as part of it for children 3-school start.

Overthebow · 02/05/2025 23:12

Why is he going to school nursery so young? It does sound too big for him at just turned 3, almost 4 would be a better age to send him.

DUsername · 02/05/2025 23:12

Anyway, to answer the op. I can see why you're concerned - especially the door if you're saying they can literally open the door and exit the school.

Could you speak to the school about it? I know he's the youngest but they must be used to looking after 3 year olds. Perhaps they are more heavily supervised than you realise.

I also agree with a pp, might it be worth keeping him in the smaller setting a little longer?

Roastiesarethebestbit · 02/05/2025 23:19

I’d be concerned too. It doesn’t sound like the right environment for a 3 year old. Our school doesn’t accept nursery children at the wraparound care clubs. Who is staffing these sessions? And what are the ratios? I think I’d be keeping them at a day nursery/ pre school setting, or finding a childminder who could pick up from the school nursery.

TeenLifeMum · 02/05/2025 23:22

The nursery will have ratios and younger dc will still need a nursery member to watch the younger ones. Off the top of my head all dc under 7 count to ratios so they will have to have that covered. I’d ask them about how the manage the safety aspect with younger dc and if you’re not satisfied your dc is safe then don’t leave him there. It’s likely they have it covered though and he’ll have a blast.

JellyNellyKat · 03/05/2025 00:37

DUsername · 02/05/2025 23:08

Genuine question here... What's wrong with you? No, really. What IS wrong with you? Are you a troll, are you having issues with your personal life? Do you maybe just struggle with reading and comprehension because absolutely nothing in the op warranted that?

No. No issue thanks. She seems to think her child isn’t coping with being in a ‘big’ school, that she moved him to. If he isn’t being looked after specifically for her liking then she should home school. Simple really.

Robinredd · 03/05/2025 00:48

DUsername · 02/05/2025 23:08

Genuine question here... What's wrong with you? No, really. What IS wrong with you? Are you a troll, are you having issues with your personal life? Do you maybe just struggle with reading and comprehension because absolutely nothing in the op warranted that?

This.

Wtf is wrong with you. Who hurt you in life that you have to be such an arsehole?

I totally get it OP. My 3 year old is starting nursery, she's an anxious child who has been through a very difficult time recently and has some medical issues. She also has some speech and communication difficulties. I've considered just waiting another year and just starting her straight into P1 but I also worry that she needs the nursery time to be ready for P1. She's never been in a nursery setting so it's all very daunting.

mythreeyr · 03/05/2025 07:46

I don’t really want to move him tbh. I’ve also just paid for the term so I doubt I can. I can try and pick him up early as often as possible, but I do work so it’s going to be difficult. I did worry about this before and the teachers assured me it would be fine. I’ll have a chat with them again to ensure it’s ok. I don’t want them to get annoyed at needing to devote so much time to him. Because that’s what they need to do to keep him safe.

OP posts:
TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 03/05/2025 08:04

What is a Forrest?

JockyWilsonsaid · 03/05/2025 08:07

School nurseries are used to 3 year olds. They have a 1:13 ratio and unless he has needs over and above your average 3 year old, noone is going to be trailing around after him. He'll be taught what is expected and learn the rules and routines. After school clubs are often a bit feral but the big kids tend to look out for the little ones and try to include them.

User79853257976 · 03/05/2025 08:08

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 03/05/2025 08:04

What is a Forrest?

Gump

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 03/05/2025 08:09

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 03/05/2025 08:04

What is a Forrest?

You know exactly what she means. Did that make you feel superior by pointing out a spelling mistake?

Auntiebean · 03/05/2025 08:09

Are you certain that the children can open the door and get outside the school, and adults just walk in? I'm fairly sure that Ofsted would have a safeguarding issue with that. A school nearby was downgraded to RI from outstanding due to a similar issue a while back.

LittleBearPad · 03/05/2025 08:09

It sounds like it’s the after school club you’re worried about. Would a chat with the school help - to understand how ASC looks after the littlies. Might a childminder picking him up for a few more months help?

Zanatdy · 03/05/2025 08:12

Judging my kids old after school club, no way i’d send a 3yr old. I kept mine in private nursery until school.

Spies · 03/05/2025 08:17

I also don't understand why you moved him, especially if you already knew the set up from having you eldest there. I am surprised that the school take nursery children in the ASC many don't forget precisely these reasons.

Tbrh · 03/05/2025 08:20

They grow up quickly after 3, mine went to a much bigger place at 3 and initially I was quite worried for the same reasons as you are, but the previous place was getting too small. I'm sure he will be fine, I would only move him if you genuinely feel the teachers are not keeping an eye on the children. As long as you don't think he's likely to wander off then I think you are worrying over nothing.

DUsername · 03/05/2025 08:32

JellyNellyKat · 03/05/2025 00:37

No. No issue thanks. She seems to think her child isn’t coping with being in a ‘big’ school, that she moved him to. If he isn’t being looked after specifically for her liking then she should home school. Simple really.

You actually think the only solution if you're not happy with one element of a school that the op otherwise describes as 'great' is to homeschool?

You honestly and truly believe that the minute any parent encounters an issue with the school their kids go to they should just remove their child and homeschool them?

And you think that solution is 'simple' ?

Bullshit.

You were just having a go at a poster for no reason. Own it you coward.

mythreeyr · 03/05/2025 08:40

Honestly at JellyNelly, why are you even here ? How sad must your life be that you come and troll on random threads online ? I feel sorry for you.

in any case, everyone else that replied- thanks. I’ll have a chat with the school and worst case, I’ll try to limit after school club as much as possible.

of course I raised my concerns before he joined and they assured me that it would be absolutely fine. They didn’t give much more detail though. I will ask for detail and ask them how they feel about it, now they have seen him in action.

regarding the door, yes the kids could open this one door if they wanted to. There’s a gate before the door, which is open as it’s how the parents come in. Then there is another gate that leads to a big play yard and I noticed the other day that it was left open. It looked closed but when I noticed it could be opened. I will speak to them about both things to see if I’m actually correct, maybe the door and the gate can’t easily be opened from the other side and it just seems that way.

OP posts:
TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 03/05/2025 08:40

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 03/05/2025 08:09

You know exactly what she means. Did that make you feel superior by pointing out a spelling mistake?

No, i genuinely did not know what it was. I could have assumed a 'forest', as in a woodland area, but because it was capitalised and spelt differently, I wondered if it was a thing in nursery (my kids are grown and things change).
So wind your nasty neck in and stop making bitchy assumptions.

mythreeyr · 03/05/2025 08:41

*worst case

OP posts:
mythreeyr · 03/05/2025 08:43

ah thanks for pointing it out actually, I did wonder why auto correct capitalised it ! English is actually my fifth language. I can’t believe I’ve been spelling forest wrong 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ how embarrassing !!

OP posts:
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