Why can't we discuss how fat we've all become?

[Nodinnernogift]

Obesity is becoming the norm. Why aren't we allowed express concern or any views that are less than celebratory about this?

I mean seriously why?

If whole parts of your country were in the grip of a meth addiction we would be allowed have a discussion about it.

National campaigns to stop people smoking are applauded.

Look around you. Look in the mirror. We are all getting bigger and bigger. It reminds me of when people would visit the US in the 80s / 90s and come back with tales of huge people and massive portion sizes.

Does nobody care? It's like the Emperors New Clothes. I don't get why it's a sacrosanct topic.

Yabu - it's nobody's business
Yanbu - it's fine to address this as a societal problem

My best friend from school was always slim, until the rape. As her mental health declined she steadily got bigger. She said food was a comfort and felt like a safety blanket when she talked about it many years later. She said even though she hated her fat, that too was like a duvet wrapped around to hide her.

When she eventually recovered some more of herself, she started trying to go out for walks and exercise. I'd go with her and be furious at men shouting from moving cars (genuinely only thought that happened in bad movies - actually depressingly fucking common) and people giggling and looking her up and down. I'd encourage her and say no one was looking or judging, and the men were pigs who would just shout at any women. But I knew she knew, and it crushed her.

She is doing well now. But the judgement from strangers and society at large delayed her getting better by at least a decade.

I think it’s partly because we work longer hours than anyone else in Europe, and most people are sitting in front of screens all day which is extremely unhealthy. I’m only supposed to take half an hour lunch break - which is barely enough time to eat, let alone prepare a proper meal and go out and get some exercise. I think people who work on computers all day need longer breaks.

What an odd thing to say. No the vast majority of people wernt chained to a desk and they was a tiny fraction of the UPF’s available. No one would have eaten only upf food day in and day out, lots of people do now! Lots of people don’t eat anything but UPF, every day, for year and then we wonder why most people are fat

I'm from a thin family.

I'm 5' 9" and 9st 7.

Post menopausal.

Yes 'curvy' is used sometimes too...

Agree with this. Lots of people are ‘shocked’ when they find out that they are obese. So many people are overweight that people think it’s normal.

I am really worried about what seems to me an explosion in overweight young people. It's so damaging and I think also reflects other issues like an increasingly sedentary lifestyle.

Everyone says they hope weight loss drugs will solve it, but in a way that worries me more, because we can't give those to kids. Are we going to keep having fat kids who will struggle their whole lives unless medicalized? That doesn't seem like a solution.

I think this is really important to emphasise - both the negative impact (and uselessness) of moralising about weight gain, and the ease with which most people can gain weight.

I think there should be an outright ban on supermarkets selling junk food. And alcohol too for that matter. There should be specialised shops for both these things that people have to make a concerted effort to travel to rather than just picking up unhealth snacks and booze as part of their "weekly shop".

Well said.

And btw fat people do get shamed. What planet are these people on? 😂

I’ve been out with other much larger women when I was younger and seen abuse hurled at them by drunk men regarding their size. Online today - tonnes of men trolling relentlessly on anyone who is bigger than a size 8!

And sometimes the poorer treatment isn’t that obvious. I mean I didn’t get abuse but I was never bigger than a size 16 but I did put on a bit of weight during the pandemic.

Have now lost 40 pounds and seen how much better people treat me all of a sudden. I’ve heard heaps of women speak about this change of treatment by the way so I know I’m not imagining it. I was slim all through most of my 20s and 30s so hadn’t even realised that men are less likely to offer to help you with bags or hold a door open for you the bigger you get or people are less likely to smile at you etc.

of course there are exceptions but the reality is for a lot of people whether 30 pounds overweight or 300 pounds overweight they do get shamed or treated as lesser.

You’ve made such good points . The reasons for over-eating can be complex and varied. I was definitely an emotional comfort eater who did it to excess during a period of time I was dealing with some past trauma.

I’m glad you’ve shared the stories about how your friend was treated. I’ve seen this too and I’m baffled at the ones on this thread who appear to think fat people don’t get shamed already? 🙄 It’s good your mate had a friend like you to support her but how awful of these people’!

I had a (now former) friend who would make negative comments about her overweight friends under the guise of caring about their health. She didn't comment on anyone’s excessive alcohol intake though or the health risks she herself was taking by staying with a man who constantly cheated on her.

I’ve had friends tell me men shouted something at them while they were out running or walking - madness isn’t it? How could that be concern for someone’s weight when you’re mocking them while they’re exercising?

I also had a former colleague tell me her interviewer made a sly comment about her weight/eating habits when she had mentioned that in her current job they got free breakfasts.

Nothings changed in that respect for centuries and in fact compared to just 100 years ago it’s a damn site better.

A dull Life today isn’t the reason

Or perhaps they have to be hidden like cigarettes. With a separate queue.
The problem then of course is that most of the shop would be hidden behind screens.
Have you taken a stroll around the average UK supermarket….there’s crap everywhere!!

Only learning how to control cravings, appetites and focus on healthy nutritious food can keep us fit and healthy.
This isn’t just about how we look on the outside it’s also about how we are on the inside.

Diet drugs are not a cure all

i understand that those comments are extremely tedious, but I think it’s important to realise that ‘how do you stay slim?’ Is complimentary (most of the time) and ‘how did you get fat?’ Is not. So it’s not the same.
I do understand though that even a compliment is annoying when it’s all the time.

I actually like that term. Muscle weighs more than fat so by loosing fat and gaining muscle I feel like I'm doing better for my health and it helps keep me motivated. Especially when I'm plateauing on the scales but still improving my health and fitness.

Also "losing" is a passive term, where there is no work involved. "Moving" is an active term and gives me a sense of autonomy or ownership over the process.

Also due to the way metabolism works, when you lose fat it will come back because that is the way weight loss and dieting works. So it helps me to view it as not gone away for good and something that I need to consider.

You say that you don't like the term "shifting" but don't actually say why.

I grew up in the eighties lots of older people had middle age spread/beer belly. Most kids were skinny though. Now we see a lot of young people in the gym and drinking less alcohol. I’d say young people have more interest/knowledge of fitness and nutrition than I did at that age.

Did you read the first part of my post??? No-one is forced to eat UPFs, it is a choice. Honestly, blaming the food simply because it is available is a cop out. There is plenty of good quality food available, and please don't tell me how expensive it is - you have no idea how cheap food is in the UK in comparison with some other countries.

How long do you think people with admin jobs used to work btw? If you think the vast majority of people are chained to a desk you know very little about the world.

Who is stopping you from having a conversation about it? 🤔

I think people care.. it's just that we understand shame doesn't work.
Telling someone they are fat and making them ashamed just makes people give up.
I feel like the body positivity movement does more for fat people in it encourages them to be active and out and about which is more helpful.
The whole point is not to give up.
Obesity is a complex thing you can't just hate away.
I'm on a GLP1 med to deal with being overweight but I really think I wouldn't have such a fkd up relationship with food if I hadn't been a kid at a time of rampant fat phobia.
I was on a diet from childhood.. and I wasn't obese or even overweight particularly.. it was just that I could be thinner. So I was on mad diets throughout my life which only lead to eating disorders and eventual massive weight gain.
I really think our society is absolutely appalling to overweight women. In a way that us actively harmful to everyone.

Yes processed food has a lot to answer for too...
But so does the beauty standards of the 90s and early 00s where eating disorders were encouraged. Where it was thought healthy to be skeletal.

Genuine health and fitness should be our goal. And that's not as linked to weight as most of us have it drummed into our heads it is. Everyone is different.

It's a difficult one isn't it?

I'm pretty much exactly the same age as Kate Moss. And pretty much the same body type, and whilst I had the 'perfect' fashion body, it was absolutely open season on women's bodies then, it was also the era of the Wondebra and lad's mags. The mid-90s was absolutely the heart of the pornification of the world.

Skinny bitch is an insult I've heard throughout my life. So I was considered thin, even in the era of the waif.

I'm just fairly tall, with no tits or hips, and long thin limbs, I'm a snake bodywise.

I've luckily got a hide like a rhino, so it never bothered me, I've always been very keen on myself.

But, know this, 'body positivity' didn't include women like me. It never did.

Muscle is denser than fat but a pound of muscle weighs the same as a pound of fat, it just might appear smaller as more concentrated.

Do you live in the post industrial north west by any chance?! Neither my partner nor I are waif like but we felt like sylphs when we arrived here. Lack of affordable healthy food choices, despising an active outdoor lifestyle and, crucially, the unfashionable clothes and 'look' that go with it, plus truly shockingly low levels of education all contribute. Not to mention the fact the drivers are insane and downright kamikaze so just crossing a road is a hazard. I still feel like we're around 20 years behind much of the country.

Absolutely.

Look, I do not judge women's bodies, having been the fascination of women my entire life because I'm tall and thin.

But , comments on this thread that women are saying they're 'underweight' at 12 stone and 5' 6" are just bloody delusional. I see it as lot on here that posters look 'gaunt'and 'underweight' at quite substantial weights. It's not true.

My 6' 1"husband is lean and muscled and just over 12 stone. I can't imagine a woman seven inches shorter is not quite large at that weight.

But as already mentioned, it often isn't that simple. It was for me the first time round but it is an addiction which you can't stop cold turkey. I stopped smoking by deciding it was the day. Gave away an unopened packet to a mate and never went back. Put on a lot of weight.

Lots of overweight people have, like anyone else with addictions, major problems, possible childhood trauma such as sa or addiction in the family (dm is alcohol reliant, uncle was a druggie) It isn't as easy as just telling me to move more, eat less, it's far more complex which is why medical intervention is often a last but welcome resort.