Clean plates rule for DC.. just why?

[Cappuccino5]

At the weekend 16yo DD and I stayed at my cousin’s house for a big family get together. We’d had a number of meals together (all lovely & home cooked by said cousin!) when over Sunday lunch she made the observation to me that DD never finishes her plate, and that her own children were strictly trained not to leave any food uneaten from a young age. I’d understand her discontent if she was leaving large amounts of leftovers every time, but she genuinely doesn’t. At the lunch in question she’d simply just left a small bit of chicken on her plate. She doesn’t have a particularly small appetite and she’s not fussy, she simply just eats to hunger (like we all should!!). AIBU to think that in this day and age ‘clean plates’ is a ridiculous rule to have?

That's a one way ticket to eating disorders, speaking from experience.

Ignore her OP.

I'd have just told her bluntly that "we don't have that rule in our house."

Absolutely agree. Nobody should be made to clear a plate regardless of if they’ve eaten enough or not. Surely that’s going to cause issues and disordered eating?

I agree the clean plate rule is stupid - my parents did this and it took me until after I’d left home to learn to stop when I was full.

Exactly what I used to say to ex mil…used to drive me insane!!

Why doesn't your DD take less food then? Couldn't you just say to her Auntie doesn't like food wastage. She's not going to develop an eating disorder overnight. What's the big deal? The cousin has been very hospitable.

Honestly people are so scared of their children always making excuses. Resilience.

Mine did too. They were children during the war and remember rationing etc. and I expect that is where it originated from.

I am in my fifties now and have struggled with my weight for all of my teenage and adult life. I no longer clear my plate if I don't want to but I think it took me far too long to learn that.

@Poonu its more important to listen to our bodies when they’re full. She didn’t waste a whole meal- she just didn’t polish the plate. It’s a ridiculous view to eat every single bite off the plate.

The clean plate rule only makes sense/works/doesn't cause eating disorders, if the child is serving themselves. We were brought up that we always served ourselves at family meals and that we shouldn't serve more than we could eat so that food didn't get wasted (my mom grew up during WWII with a significant shortage of food). You could always have seconds or thirds. I did the same with my children and it has worked well. This empowers the child and gives them agency in what and how much they are eating.

If someone else serves you, especially someone who doesn't know you well, then it's fine not to finish it all.

However, if you serve yourself, you should either finish it, or at least be a bit apologetic ("Sorry, I didn't realise how deliciously filling it would turn out to be").

There was a thread earlier today about someone who always takes way too much as a barbecue, and I always think about this when I see people at hotel breakfast buffets taking two of everything (and this isn't about getting stuff for their partner or kids) and leaving three-quarters of it.

(There are also some possible cultural traps, and they work both ways. In some places not eating everything is an insult to the cook, and in others eating everything is an insult to the host, who "didn't give you enough food".)

My DH and were having a conversation today about how we're both programmed to just keep going even if we're full because we were brought up to finish the plate.

Sometimes it isn't possible to take less food if you go somewhere where they dish up for you. Then you get the "finish it or the host will be offended guilt". Also the people, like my mother, who if you did finish a plate would pile more do it "doesn't go to waste". Maybe cook less bloody food.

How many children in the 80s and 90s heard the phrase "there are starving children in Africa, eat it".

It creates such an healthy attitude to food which is hard to break.

I’m a grown adult and I won’t finish a plate if I don’t want to, no ‘excuses’ needed other than I’m full up - why would this be different for my DD? Funnily enough at a formal, sit down lunch you don’t tend to serve your own plate..

‘Resilience’ to finish every ounce of a meal - only on MN!! 🤣🤣

My mum used to always insist on ‘one more mouthful of this and this’. It caused a massive fear of food and mealtimes as a result.
She did it because she didn’t think I ate enough, but recognised now it was a bad idea.

Presumably because it's service à la russe, rather than service à la française

@PeloMom while I agree with most of what you are saying OP described it as a "small" piece of chicken that was wasted. They could have put it aside for DD later if DD was full. I really don't agree with throwing food away.

I don't agree with throwing good food away. But you do you.

Clean plate rule is the reason I’m 3 stone overweight as an adult. My weight gain started in childhood and I have never been able to uncondition myself. I too had the “there’s starving children in Africa” spiel.

I don't expect there'd be many people who would scrape a small piece of chicken off a plate and set it aside for later. Doesn't sound appetising.

When mine were young I would put the food in serving dishes and they would each be able to decide how big an amount they were served, but they knew that I expected them to eat the amount they had chosen. To have no choice over the amount on your plate is fine, but it is not fair to ask them to eat it all when they have had no say in how much is there.

I agree with not wasting food. The chicken died for that. I think best to have food in the middle and everyone has to eat what they take. Yes it is good to eat till full and not more. But a small bit of chicken isn’t going to make a difference is it

The obsession with “food waste” on MN fascinates me. Of course we should respect food and try not to waste it, as we should try not to waste resources generally - but prioritising that over common sense to the point of stuffing excess food into a full stomach is just stupid and damaging. Food is wasted if it is reluctantly eaten by someone who neither wants nor needs it, just as surely as it is wasted in the bin. And forcing children to eat past their own satiety cues is abusive.

I don’t eat beyond having had enough, why should my child have to?

I remember a friend’s mum as a kid having a clean plate rule and I hated going to hers for dinner because she would serve it up too so you couldn’t even avoid the stuff you didn’t like.

Also kids tend to keep space for dessert. The more dinner they have means less space for dessert ie stop when they are full

Clean Your Plate is a rule from a different generation, certainly one I remember from childhood. I always try to serve food that those around the table, children or grownups, will eat. My children were always allowed a ‘pass’ for one dish in a main course, works for me too, in a roast I avoid the carrots and they avoid the cauli!!

But as a guest in someone else’s house it’s rude of the host to draw attention to it, especially as it sounds as if she only left a little. My dogs are always very grateful for the leftovers.