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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Clean plates rule for DC.. just why?

105 replies

Cappuccino5 · 01/05/2025 19:00

At the weekend 16yo DD and I stayed at my cousin’s house for a big family get together. We’d had a number of meals together (all lovely & home cooked by said cousin!) when over Sunday lunch she made the observation to me that DD never finishes her plate, and that her own children were strictly trained not to leave any food uneaten from a young age. I’d understand her discontent if she was leaving large amounts of leftovers every time, but she genuinely doesn’t. At the lunch in question she’d simply just left a small bit of chicken on her plate. She doesn’t have a particularly small appetite and she’s not fussy, she simply just eats to hunger (like we all should!!). AIBU to think that in this day and age ‘clean plates’ is a ridiculous rule to have?

OP posts:
user101101 · 01/05/2025 19:33

You could say it’s abusive to kill a chicken then not eat it

sprigatito · 01/05/2025 19:34

user101101 · 01/05/2025 19:33

You could say it’s abusive to kill a chicken then not eat it

I doubt the chicken gives a fuck tbh

FloatingSquirrel · 01/05/2025 19:34

The only DC I encourage to eat more at meal time is the one who asks for snacks after every meal, the other 2 eat more and don't ask for snacks for a while after.

PestoPasto · 01/05/2025 19:35

SneakyGremlin · 01/05/2025 19:02

That's a one way ticket to eating disorders, speaking from experience.

Yep. I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 13. Cycled from anorexia to binge eating and straight back around. Not being able to leave the table until my plate was empty, regardless of how full I was definitely contributed to my negative relationship with food.

itsgettingweird · 01/05/2025 19:35

What she means is

“my kids have been trained to over eat”

If you’re full you stop. You’ve raised a DD with proper eating habits and who’s confident enough to leave food when she’s full.

Toootss · 01/05/2025 19:36

DD left a small piece of f chicken - if she does this all the time it’s plain wSteful

Bearbookagainandagain · 01/05/2025 19:40

They are valid reasons to finish your plate (avoiding food wastage, being polite when you're invited), and there are valid reasons to eat to hunger and not finish if the portion is too big.

Maybe you could both use the opportunity to discuss your views without judging the others. The ideal compromise would be for your daughter to be able to decide on her portion herself, and then finish it.

1SillySossij · 01/05/2025 19:41

I would feel a bit rude not finishing the portion of food someone had cooked for me. I think it's good manners

idolikealiein · 01/05/2025 19:44

SneakyGremlin · 01/05/2025 19:02

That's a one way ticket to eating disorders, speaking from experience.

This

Jamfirstest · 01/05/2025 19:45

'Strictly trained' ffs

Allswellthatendswelll · 01/05/2025 19:47

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 01/05/2025 19:29

I don't expect there'd be many people who would scrape a small piece of chicken off a plate and set it aside for later. Doesn't sound appetising.

That's what dogs are for surely!

JoyousEagle · 01/05/2025 19:51

I think it’s a bit insane to insist someone finishes an amount of food that you have decided on the quantity of.
Some days I’m hungrier than others for whatever reason. It would be ridiculous for someone else to say “this is how much I have decided you must eat”.

Original poster
Cappuccino5 · 01/05/2025 19:58

Toootss · 01/05/2025 19:36

DD left a small piece of f chicken - if she does this all the time it’s plain wSteful

Thankfully we’ve got just the solution for all food waste concerns in our house - a golden retriever 👍

OP posts:
RobinRedBird · 01/05/2025 19:59

I'm reading this with interest as we have a challenge with out 4 year old on this. My DH asks her to finish her plate before she has pudding and I don't know how to feel about it.
We don't give her huge portions, but sometimes she doesn't want all or a particular item of the main meal (e.g. wants pasta but no veg), but does want pudding. I.e She is still hungry but is not wanting to eat the main meal.

I'm not sure what to do here as I don’t want to cause a food issue for her, but I also see my DH point that she's not eating some of main meal out of picky-ness, but does want pudding.

Oh and FYI I don't give her loads of stuff she doesn't like on one plate, but we do give her a variety of foods so she can try and keep trying new things.

TomatoSandwiches · 01/05/2025 19:59

It was a small piece of chicken ffs not half a plate of food.
Your cousin shouldnt invite people for meals if she has an internal conniption at the thought of people eating until they're full and that meaning a small amount of food is left over.

TomatoSandwiches · 01/05/2025 20:02

RobinRedBird · 01/05/2025 19:59

I'm reading this with interest as we have a challenge with out 4 year old on this. My DH asks her to finish her plate before she has pudding and I don't know how to feel about it.
We don't give her huge portions, but sometimes she doesn't want all or a particular item of the main meal (e.g. wants pasta but no veg), but does want pudding. I.e She is still hungry but is not wanting to eat the main meal.

I'm not sure what to do here as I don’t want to cause a food issue for her, but I also see my DH point that she's not eating some of main meal out of picky-ness, but does want pudding.

Oh and FYI I don't give her loads of stuff she doesn't like on one plate, but we do give her a variety of foods so she can try and keep trying new things.

Give her pudding along side all her food, your DH is just setting up a battle of wills and creating a sense of bad atmosphere for your DD whenever it's meal times.
This is potentially very dangerous, he needs to stop it.

MrsTitsPervert · 01/05/2025 20:03

Topseyt123 · 01/05/2025 19:03

I'd have just told her bluntly that "we don't have that rule in our house."

Yesss!

Due to my DMs issues in my childhood, I lived with my Aunty and Uncle for about 6 months in the early 1970s. I was around 6/7 years old.

She was the sweetest lady, so kind and caring - but he was a brute and a bully.
He always made me finish my plate, even if I was full to bursting (Aunty was an amazing cook) and I hated him for it. I vowed to make sure I would never be like that, and if a child was “full” then that was good enough for me.

It sounds like something from the seventies the dark ages.
Horrible.

notsureyetcertain · 01/05/2025 20:04

This annoys me - mil and fil are the same but they give huge portions and then are disappointed if you can’t finish your plate and don’t want pudding. It took my dh years to get a healthy relationship with food after growing up with them

id just say we don’t force our children to eat more than their fill.

you are right op forcing children to eat more than they need can lead to a unhealthy relationship with food.

MrsTitsPervert · 01/05/2025 20:07

Forgot to add…. After he’d ‘forced’ a full cooked breakfast down me, we went out in his much prized Ford Cortina. I was an appalling travel sickness sufferer but ok if I sat in the front. He said absolutely not, I must go in the back.

The winding roads of North Wales brought my unwanted breakfast back up…all over his beloved car.

Shame.

TeenToTwenties · 01/05/2025 20:07

We had an 'eat in proportion' rule. So they couldn't e.g. eat all the chips first then say they were too full for the veg.

TheCurious0range · 01/05/2025 20:08

Allswellthatendswelll · 01/05/2025 19:47

That's what dogs are for surely!

Show quote history

And cats, ours loves a green bean!

godmum56 · 01/05/2025 20:16

RobinRedBird · 01/05/2025 19:59

I'm reading this with interest as we have a challenge with out 4 year old on this. My DH asks her to finish her plate before she has pudding and I don't know how to feel about it.
We don't give her huge portions, but sometimes she doesn't want all or a particular item of the main meal (e.g. wants pasta but no veg), but does want pudding. I.e She is still hungry but is not wanting to eat the main meal.

I'm not sure what to do here as I don’t want to cause a food issue for her, but I also see my DH point that she's not eating some of main meal out of picky-ness, but does want pudding.

Oh and FYI I don't give her loads of stuff she doesn't like on one plate, but we do give her a variety of foods so she can try and keep trying new things.

stop him now! What he is teaching her is that dessert is the best bit and she has to earn it by eating stuff she doesn't want!

Jetsettermum · 01/05/2025 20:20

SneakyGremlin · 01/05/2025 19:02

That's a one way ticket to eating disorders, speaking from experience.

Me also

ScunneredWife · 01/05/2025 20:22

My DH was forced to clear his plate as a child, no matter what. As a late-middle aged adult, he will still eat until he feels unwell because he’s been taught that food waste is a moral failing. It’s an absolutely ridiculous rule to enforce.

I don’t think anyone is advocating chucking an entire meal in the bin every time, but honestly so what if someone doesn’t finish? So what if they are less hungry than they thought? So what if the meal was more filling than they expected? A contextually small amount of food goes in the bin and the world keeps turning (and a host who’s mortally offended by a plate not being cleared is more worried about their ego than their guests’ comfort, and in turn hardly an excellent host!)

Wonkypictureframe · 01/05/2025 20:24

I get an actual thrill when my kids leave some food on their plates as I’m so keen that they eat to their appetites. I have been forcing food down myself all my life after a childhood of clean plates (parents who grew up in the war so there was some rationale to it at least) and I desperately want them to recognise when they are full and… stop.