Appropriate Punishment for a Cheating DP

[Limprichteabiscuit]

Went for a lunch break catch up
With an old colleague not seen in yonks.

Knew them and their DP socially, years ago
when all our kids, now mid teens were small. The DP was very, very overweight. Think 20 odd stone, not tall.

My friend showed me a recent pic with all the weight their DP had lost- jabs and gym. It’s several stone, incredible transformation - (smoking hot fitty to be fair) Looks younger now than 8/9 years ago when we were all friends.

Anyway friend states with new found body came new found opportunities and that DP had a ONS around a year ago. They moved on as a couple but DP has recently admitted to staying in touch and meeting up with ONS partner twice since for a meal and sex. Now begging my friend for forgiveness for sake of life together the kids, house etc. (they have a wonderful
home now)

Friend is toying with idea of ‘forgiving’ DP but only on condition that the maintenance jabs stop and gym membership is cancelled. Sees DP being fat and unfit as the protective factor that ensured fidelity all
these years so it needs to be a return to the old ways. The jab money will now accrue for friend to have an abroad holiday with own friends.
Friend very honest that not remotely bothered about health impact on DP as feels very wronged, and wants a punishment to fit the crime.

Once the weight back on and fitness down friend states may leave DP as by then will have had plenty of time to think and ‘get ducks in row’ if need be. But may not. Not clear yet.

Friends DP had begged instead that my friend has a fling or a holiday or anything but the jabs n gym but friend is holding fast and DP has till weekend to decide.

I was blown away - I’ve only ever heard one other comparable revenge story (I posted on here once - about my mum’s hair dresser and their cheating spouse where a whole house was essentially destroyed - think water soaked furniture with cress thrown everywhere, seafood squished into every nook and cranny including curtain pelmets etc) spray paint , taps left on etc etc

But that was essentially rage fuelled.
this feels very long winded and playing the long game.

what does anyone think ? GENIUS OR UTTEE LOONEY TUNE

I don’t blame her at all for feeling like this. However, because children are involved she can’t carry out her plan for revenge.
He is an aresewipe who deserves no consideration at all but unfortunately he is her children’s father so she has to get out as peacefully as possible for their sake. One way or another he will be in her life via the children forever more so she has to work out a mutually acceptable modus operandi.
She can still cheer herself up by scaring the crap out of him and dangling him for a few weeks (as long as there is no impact on the children) but ultimately that is as far as she should go.

I get the impression from the lack of pronouns that your friend is the man and it's his wife who had the ONS? Not that it makes any difference.

But demanding that someone give up things that made them healthier as a form of punishment is a bit sick and twisted. Better to just end the relationship.

This is exactly what OW did to my ex-h who was in really good shape and well groomed when he left. Fed him to the point of obesity, no haircuts, no gym, loads of booze (didn’t really drink before). He was an absolute mess in no time and I doubt any woman would have looked at him once let alone twice. What a way to live. Fuck that.

Like @Trabbling I assumed cheating DP is a woman too.

Doesn't matter either way, if you want to try and resolve the relationship problems then revenge must be completely forgotten about and therapy sought either for the individuals and or for the couple. The reasons people cheat are always incredibly varied however there is usually a reason behind it within the relationship. It's very true that people who are cheated on are often cheated on again by another partner so it's always wise to try and work out what happened to get to the stage they are at.

Playing silly games won't work, if someone wants to cheat they will. Their looks don't matter, all sorts of people have sex. To think only young beautiful people have opportunity to have sex is about as immature as it gets.

Your friend sounds like an absolute tool and this story reads like a bad short story in a crappy magazine.

Your friend doesn't sound very well. I really hope their partner doesn't agree to this deal as it would be a very unhealthy and potentially dangerous relationship for them to be in. Anyone planning such an elaborate revenge fantasy and taking steps to act it out isn't safe to be around imo as it indicates a level of obsession and hatred that could escalate into harm.

Everyone involved in this scenario sounds silly

My dad just said people are generally as faithful as their opportunities dictate.

However , I’m wondering now if all meant in seriousness.
I get the no money for jabs and gym if money were an issue and it’s the other persons turn to access and spend it to ease the pain of being shat on - what would jabs n gym be ? 200 a month give or take ?
They aren’t short of money tho I wouldn’t have thought. But in some circs I guess one could say the money allocated for all the sped improvement needs to stop and ho back in family pot.
Kids 14 and nearly 17 iirc, and friend deffo got reason to worry youngest might not want to stay in family home and leave with DP which would be alot of upheaval.
My friend would categorically never ever leave being the injured party.
I get that, nor would I to be fair.

I might send a follow up message later on. I do wonder if friend was over egging it maybe.

My parents are here now still tickled. The hairdressers revenge story has come up again and other milder ones over the years within their circle. Hell hath no
fury it appears…

If I ever heard about a friend’s husband talking about “punishing” her I would immediately be working on how to help her leave the controlling, abusive asshole. It doesn’t matter what she did.

Anyone who thinks they have a right to punish their spouse for transgressions is in the wrong.

What happens if he stops the jabs and gym but stays slim and fit? What's her end game then?

Or she and he, if the sexes are reversed.

My dad just said people are generally as faithful as their opportunities dictate.

That's incorrect BTW for either sex, only some are like that, so doesn't reflect well on your father.

Her and her is also possible.

ETC she to her because she is the cats mother

Fuck him. He deserves whatever comes his way.

She just needs to leave him. All this punishment business is not going to make her happy in the short or long term. The trust will be gone and there’s nothing to salvage.

It reads like fiction to be honest - I find it hard to believe anyone would do this for real!

your friend sounds like a bunny boiler

That sounds utterly unhinged.
I am fine with people reconciling after infidelity, should they wish.
The revenge plan is sociopathic/psychopathic.

Assuming this is true, I would cut ties with anyone planning for this.

Fat people cheat too, in fact lots of women go for dad bods. Your friend needs to get a clue and leave

As lovely as the revenge may sound, there are children involved and this whole game of one upmanship is a sure fire way to screw them up for life.

Scorned partner needs to just break up with the cheater, none of this ‘let’s get you back on 12 pizzas a day fatty’

Maybe - maybe was testing me out ?
Gauaging my reaction

Could be, neither of them seem to be particularly nice,
He would prefer his wife had an affair than live without his diet meds and gym…...lovely couple

This relationship is completely toxic and should be finished.

He'll realise that your friend isn't worth giving up his new life for. They'll split soon permanently.