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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reporting underage sex to school?

32 replies

sausageeggandbeans · 30/04/2025 20:43

I am starting to have doubts about whether I’ve done the right thing….

I have been told by my child that someone in their friendship group is having sex. They are 13. Year 8.

I’ve sent an email to the Head of Year asking them to call me.

My child doesn’t know I’ve done this and I was very clear in the email that they must not discuss this with them and what it was about but mentioned no names.

I am starting to doubt myself now.

I don’t want to get this person into trouble, I just want to make sure a sensible adult can speak to them and educate them, more than anything, on consent, contraception etc and offer them support.

As to me, Year 8, 13 years old having sex, is not something I can know and not do something about.

Help, have I been unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:
Katemax82 · 30/04/2025 20:45

If you were working in the school and got wind of it you are contractually obliged to report it as a safeguarding concern so no you are not wrong.

Sunnyglowdays · 30/04/2025 20:46

Child protection is everyone’s job. You’ve done the right thing.

I would suggest you contact the main school email address and ask for a designated safegaurding lead to ring you urgently as the head of year may not pick up their email tomorrow morning or know your email needs to be prioritised.

Eggsinthewhoopsiebasketalready · 30/04/2025 20:47

I once reported dd's friends drinking alcohol provided by a dp at a sleepover..
They were 12...
The dm was high up caring for disabled dc and her df a local councillor
..

amele · 30/04/2025 20:51

Well done you’ve done the right thing. At that age most girls are pressured, it’s important she is educated on the matter. She is just a child. I know not everyone thinks like me, but kids shouldn’t be having sex and if they are they need to know the consequences and how to protect themselves

Newnameformenow · 30/04/2025 20:55

I think it's fine/right thing to do, may be something or nothing.
I would be careful not to mention it to anyone else/not gossip, probably wouldn't even tell your dc you've told school

Original poster
sausageeggandbeans · 30/04/2025 20:58

@Newnameformenow I said in my post, I’ve not told my child and told school they must not discuss it with them. Only the HOY and I know. I’ve posted here because I do not want to ask friends/family if I’ve done the right thing as I don’t want to risk them sharing.

OP posts:
Original poster
sausageeggandbeans · 30/04/2025 21:00

@Sunnyglowdays I’ve had a reply to say they will call me do it has been picked up. I’m just know having a wobble about it.

OP posts:
Hugsbunny · 30/04/2025 21:01

amele · 30/04/2025 20:51

Well done you’ve done the right thing. At that age most girls are pressured, it’s important she is educated on the matter. She is just a child. I know not everyone thinks like me, but kids shouldn’t be having sex and if they are they need to know the consequences and how to protect themselves

Why are you assuming it's a girl?

Original poster
sausageeggandbeans · 30/04/2025 21:01

@amele I agree with you.

OP posts:
Sunnyglowdays · 30/04/2025 21:11

sausageeggandbeans · 30/04/2025 21:00

@Sunnyglowdays I’ve had a reply to say they will call me do it has been picked up. I’m just know having a wobble about it.

I am an ex secondary teacher. You’re right to be concerned and to contact the school. 13 is very young.

Sassybooklover · 30/04/2025 21:23

I work in a school and it is drummed into us that 'safeguarding is everyone's responsibility'. We are contractually and legally obliged as part of our role in working in a school to report matters that are concerning. So yes, you have made the correct decision. I always say, if something doesn't feel right or sit well with you, then report it. It's far better to report and it's innocent, than leave it, and the situation turns out to be serious. Teenagers do exaggerate and even lie, so yes it's possible your daughter's friend is having sex, but equally it may not be true. However, at 13, your daughter's friend is much too young to be having sex, and there's always a danger they've been pressured into it or have got themselves into a situation they've no idea how to get out of. It needs investigating.

Conkersinautumn · 30/04/2025 21:31

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Endofyear · 30/04/2025 21:52

I think you've done the right thing. Once you've informed the school it's their job to address it. I would have reported it too.

PassingStranger · 30/04/2025 21:54

Where's the actual.proof? It's hearsay.

AdoraBell · 30/04/2025 21:56

I believe you have done right thing OP

ouch321 · 30/04/2025 21:59

Where do the child's parents fit into this?

Do you know who they are?

OhHellolittleone · 30/04/2025 22:00

PassingStranger · 30/04/2025 21:54

Where's the actual.proof? It's hearsay.

So? You don’t have to have proof to report a safeguarding concern. Do you want the OP to have seen them? Asked the child? Got a written confession?

minnienono · 30/04/2025 22:00

I would have done the same thing at 13 and 14 by 15 I wouldn’t as long as the other participant was the same school year

Fourteenandahalf · 30/04/2025 22:03

PassingStranger · 30/04/2025 21:54

Where's the actual.proof? It's hearsay.

You don't need proof, you're just passing on what you've heard.

School will speak to the parents and pass on that there is a possibility that their child is having underage sex. They won't say where it has come from.

BendySpoon · 30/04/2025 22:04

It’s a tough one because kids talk rubbish all the time. I can remember one girl insisting that she was engaged, her boyfriend was buying her a house and they would regularly have sex in front of her mum. She was 12 and the ‘boyfriend’ was 25 🤔

Another girl was ‘engaged’ to someone for ages and would come in and tell us all how many times she’d had sex the previous day. One day, she told us they’d broken up and the following week she was engaged again. She was also 12…

Don’t believe everything you hear.

SocksShmocks · 30/04/2025 22:07

You don’t have to believe it (to posters who’ve mentioned that).

You’ve done the right thing passing it on. Let the school work out the facts. Frankly even if it was a lie I’d be wondering why a 13 year old would say something like that.

Longhotsummers · 30/04/2025 22:09

Reporting it is the right thing to do. Just don’t let your DC know that you have. I’ve done similar over another safeguarding issue a few years back and I am very glad I did as the child was very vulnerable.

PassingStranger · 30/04/2025 22:10

Fourteenandahalf · 30/04/2025 22:03

You don't need proof, you're just passing on what you've heard.

School will speak to the parents and pass on that there is a possibility that their child is having underage sex. They won't say where it has come from.

Show quote history

The parent might ask for proof and the teenager will probably deny it anyway

Fourteenandahalf · 30/04/2025 22:13

PassingStranger · 30/04/2025 22:10

The parent might ask for proof and the teenager will probably deny it anyway

Show quote history

Well that's fine, that's up to the parent.

Baital · 30/04/2025 22:19

It's not your role to investigate. You have done the right thing in reporting a potential safeguarding issue. It is then up to the safeguarding professionals to investigate.