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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Reporting underage sex to school?

32 replies

sausageeggandbeans · 30/04/2025 20:43

I am starting to have doubts about whether I’ve done the right thing….

I have been told by my child that someone in their friendship group is having sex. They are 13. Year 8.

I’ve sent an email to the Head of Year asking them to call me.

My child doesn’t know I’ve done this and I was very clear in the email that they must not discuss this with them and what it was about but mentioned no names.

I am starting to doubt myself now.

I don’t want to get this person into trouble, I just want to make sure a sensible adult can speak to them and educate them, more than anything, on consent, contraception etc and offer them support.

As to me, Year 8, 13 years old having sex, is not something I can know and not do something about.

Help, have I been unreasonable to do this?

OP posts:

TeenageRooster · 30/04/2025 22:21

PassingStranger · 30/04/2025 21:54

Where's the actual.proof? It's hearsay.

Yes but OP can hardly be expected to show video footage as evidence. And of course it may not be true. If it's a tall story or a malicious rumour, it's still helpful for teachers to know a pupil is in this position. But they should also be able to act if a kid well short of the age of consent is having sex

CurlyKoalie · 30/04/2025 22:24

You have done the right thing. Let the safeguarding system take its course. Your statement might not be the only information on this child.There might be a bigger picture and your contribution might form a valuable part of that picture.
Imagine you said nothing and something really bad happened as a result. You would never forgive yoursellf

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/04/2025 22:24

PassingStranger · 30/04/2025 21:54

Where's the actual.proof? It's hearsay.

It's not OPs task to investigate... Just to report to safeguarding.

So many safeguarding cases are missed as people who have heard rumours tunr themselves inside out wondering re proof...

The OP has no idea re the other info the safeguarding people may have about these kids... It may just be the info they need!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 30/04/2025 22:26

PS sorry I posted without seeing several posts have said similarly!

Original poster

sausageeggandbeans · 30/04/2025 22:28

Sassybooklover · 30/04/2025 21:23

I work in a school and it is drummed into us that 'safeguarding is everyone's responsibility'. We are contractually and legally obliged as part of our role in working in a school to report matters that are concerning. So yes, you have made the correct decision. I always say, if something doesn't feel right or sit well with you, then report it. It's far better to report and it's innocent, than leave it, and the situation turns out to be serious. Teenagers do exaggerate and even lie, so yes it's possible your daughter's friend is having sex, but equally it may not be true. However, at 13, your daughter's friend is much too young to be having sex, and there's always a danger they've been pressured into it or have got themselves into a situation they've no idea how to get out of. It needs investigating.

I’m hoping it’s a tall tale but I will obviously never know.

I just felt very uncomfortable about it and I wasn’t best placed to do anything other tell someone sensible.

OP posts:

Original poster

sausageeggandbeans · 30/04/2025 22:29

ouch321 · 30/04/2025 21:59

Where do the child's parents fit into this?

Do you know who they are?

Yes, I do know the parents, but not well.

I would never tell them directly. Not my place.

They seem like nice people but we never truly know anyone and how they would react.

OP posts:

GoBackToTheStart · 30/04/2025 22:31

Bloody hell, if we waited for “proof” before reporting every safeguarding concern there would be a hell of a lot of abused children being left without support, potentially forever. You report the concern so that the relevant and appropriate people can establish whether it is fact and if it is, provide the right support.

You did the right thing Op.

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