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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my 6yo being unreasonable?

27 replies

Username06 · 30/04/2025 17:13

My DD6 has decided she doesn't want to kiss people anymore, fair enough I don't like close physical contact with people either 🤣 it took me a few days to not do it out of habit and she will give me one before bed occasionally as and when she decides, I don't ask. She is still affectionate with cuddling etc.
Her dad and a couple of other family members think it's odd and have used lighthearted bribery to try entice a kiss e.g I won't buy you things if you don't give me a kiss, her dad will say you don't love me if you won't kiss me. She doesn't seem to care what they say but surely this is a non issue and they should just respect what she wants.

I think they are being slightly childish and if she doesn't want to kiss anyone it's completely her choice and she is not being unreasonable is she?

OP posts:
Icanttakethisanymore · 30/04/2025 17:15

This is a non-issue and probably a phase but either way, if she doesn't want kisses, don't kiss her. It's weird to want coerce anyone into physical affection.

LittleMissNumber · 30/04/2025 17:17

No she is not being unreasonable at all. It's gross that the adults think they can bribe her for a kiss, yuck.

If she is usually fine with kisses and has suddenly changed her mind I might worry something has upset her to make her change.

outerspacepotato · 30/04/2025 17:18

It's her body and bodily autonomy should be taught to all kids.

The bribery is awful. No one is owed kisses or physical affection and buying them, do they really not see the problem with paying for access to a child's body and affection?

Yes, they should respect her wishes and her body but they don't.

Sirzy · 30/04/2025 17:18

She is expressing bodily autonomy. Those trying to bribe and persuade her are sending a message her wishes for her own body don’t matter and are negotiable.

She is allowed boundaries

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2025 17:20

lighthearted bribery to try entice a kiss e.g I won't buy you things if you don't give me a kiss, her dad will say you don't love me if you won't kiss me.

There is nothing lighthearted about any of that, it’s completely out of order. I have a six year daughter, you don’t teach bodily autonomy but only when it suits other people.

Good for her for not bending to nasty threats. Tell him to stop being a fucking bully.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 30/04/2025 17:24

6 year olds are typically unreasonable 🤭 but your dd isn't

I don't like the bribery thing personally

fuckislessoffensivethanpardon · 30/04/2025 17:28

She's not being unreasonable. Her dad and family are. Nothing lighthearted about coercion.

Chungai · 30/04/2025 17:30

She is not U but the family members are.

Would they like her to learn that adults can simply buy her things or threaten her in order to get a kiss?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa · 30/04/2025 17:32

Would they do this to an adult in bar? Who knows but either way it’s wrong. Especially with girls it’s important to teach them about consent. It sounds like DH family also need to learn about consent.

Howmuchlongeruntilwegetthere · 30/04/2025 17:34

Username06 · 30/04/2025 17:13

My DD6 has decided she doesn't want to kiss people anymore, fair enough I don't like close physical contact with people either 🤣 it took me a few days to not do it out of habit and she will give me one before bed occasionally as and when she decides, I don't ask. She is still affectionate with cuddling etc.
Her dad and a couple of other family members think it's odd and have used lighthearted bribery to try entice a kiss e.g I won't buy you things if you don't give me a kiss, her dad will say you don't love me if you won't kiss me. She doesn't seem to care what they say but surely this is a non issue and they should just respect what she wants.

I think they are being slightly childish and if she doesn't want to kiss anyone it's completely her choice and she is not being unreasonable is she?

That’s far beyond slightly childish. “You don’t love me if you won’t kiss me”?!! What kind of revolting and needy emotional blackmail is that?

Her Dad is being abusive quite honestly - he might not be intending to be, but he is. She’s not some possession he can demand affection from, she’s a person and allowed to put boundaries on physical contact and expect those to be respected.

One of my DC is very averse to giving or receiving any kind of physical affection, cuddles, kisses or holding hands. It has nothing to do with the strength of his feelings for people and I’d expect an emotionally mature adult to comprehend that. I’d be having extremely strong words with anyone who tried to pressure or bribe him into anything more than a verbal hello or goodbye.

LoremIpsumCici · 30/04/2025 17:34

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2025 17:20

lighthearted bribery to try entice a kiss e.g I won't buy you things if you don't give me a kiss, her dad will say you don't love me if you won't kiss me.

There is nothing lighthearted about any of that, it’s completely out of order. I have a six year daughter, you don’t teach bodily autonomy but only when it suits other people.

Good for her for not bending to nasty threats. Tell him to stop being a fucking bully.

I agree completely. She may be standing her ground, but it’s affecting her mental well being to be emotionally blackmailed.

Hadalifeonce · 30/04/2025 17:35

Niece and nephew are th same, so I used to high 5 them, more recently they are open to a hug occasionally, but I always ask and are not offended if they say no. It's their right to choose.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/04/2025 17:36

You no she’s not being unreasonable. Chances are one of you has bad breath and it’s put her off. Just leave her be and stand up for her when others try to bribe her.

BunnyLake · 30/04/2025 17:47

Your DH is being gross. I’m sure he doesn’t mean to sound like a creep (you know if your husband is) but saying she doesn’t love him if she won’t give him a kiss is teaching her really bad life lessons.

LurkyMcLurkinson · 30/04/2025 17:51

You should probably explain to your husband and family members that contradicting keep safe work she’ll likely receive at school, about not having people touch her if she doesn’t want them to etc isn’t going to help in the long run.

dogcatkitten · 30/04/2025 17:56

Is that kisses on the lips? I don't like that with children, a kiss on the cheek or the head, I would think she would hardly notice if she lets people cuddle her. If she doesn't want to kiss back she doesn't have to. I don't think my DD ever kissed people back as a young child. Never even mentioned that she should.

Notknots · 30/04/2025 18:01

Of course she's not being unreasonable and good for her sticking to her boundaries. She has more self awareness than any of the adults.
Unless the adults are fully aware that trying to shame and bribe a person to kiss them is disgusting and they're doing it regardless?

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/04/2025 18:03

She’s learning about her body belonging to her and possibly wants to test out if that’s actually the case - can I say no to kisses. The adults in her life should respect that and reinforce messages about her right to choose, they can find other ways to show affection.

Original poster
Username06 · 30/04/2025 18:17

ToKittyornottoKitty · 30/04/2025 17:36

You no she’s not being unreasonable. Chances are one of you has bad breath and it’s put her off. Just leave her be and stand up for her when others try to bribe her.

That's exactly what she's said when I asked why she doesn't want to kiss anymore.
It's absolutely not an issue for me, she's said she doesn't want to and I completely respect that and don't understand why others can't just say ok cool and move.l on.
Chances are it is just a phase but if it isn't also fine because it's her body.

OP posts:
Original poster
Username06 · 30/04/2025 18:20

She's watched the pants video thing at school a while back and we've discussed those boudaries etc and I've often said to her when it comes to her body it's her body and always her choice.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 30/04/2025 18:24

Can you work out an alternative sign of affection that she can give that works for her? It’s a bit sad that she won’t give her dad a goodnight kiss. This would have upset me as a parent but I’d probably just have had to suck it up. Everyone else can just have a hug or something can’t they.

NuffSaidSam · 30/04/2025 18:24

She's not being unreasonable.

Your DH though...good grief. Ask him what he wants to happen when she's a teen girl and her boyfriend tries "if you don't have sex with me, you don't love me". Ask him to engage his brain.

Tortielady · 30/04/2025 18:29

Your DD is absolutely not being unreasonable and nor are you for respecting her boundaries. What sort of lessons do these other family members (especially her Dad) think they are giving her about physical autonomy and moral integrity by waving guilt-trips, bribes and threats under her nose? As a pp says, "what revolting and needy emotional blackmail is that?"

Original poster
Username06 · 30/04/2025 18:32

NuffSaidSam · 30/04/2025 18:24

She's not being unreasonable.

Your DH though...good grief. Ask him what he wants to happen when she's a teen girl and her boyfriend tries "if you don't have sex with me, you don't love me". Ask him to engage his brain.

Honestly I think about that all the time cause that's what he's teaching her.
I think I needed a reality check from this thread cause I normalise his behaviour thinking oh he probably feels rejected etc but we argue over our different styles of parenting all the time and he makes out that I'm just undermining him all the time.

He is the same with me, if I don't kiss him enough or say I love you to him enough he complains, if he wants a hug etc he won't let go until he is ready. I don't love alot of physical affection so I end up thinking that I'm the problem. But then I've never had ex's complain, I'm perfectly happy with some affection but he wants to touch/kiss/grope me all the time.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 30/04/2025 19:27

I think you need to shut down any hint of emotional blackmail from her dad or other relatives to try and persuade her to kiss or hug them. She has set a boundary and her preference and body automony should be respected. You need to step in and stop them.