To find work easier than being home with my toddlers

[2under2mamamoo]

I love my children aged 1 and 3. They attend nursery Mon- Fri from 8-4.30and I work full time which I really enjoy.
I won’t lie . It is easier being at work than at home with both children. Normally, after the weekend I am ready to get back to work for some calm time !!!! The children seem to be very happy at nursery .

I keep seeing instagram/ social media posts which all allude to the fact that childhood is short and you need to be present as you blink and suddenly children are gown up and the magic years are gone and then you just have adults who don’t need you. I love small children but I also love work . I feel so guilty that I’m working full time when if I really wanted i could be part time or maybe not work at all.
As I watch the children grow it makes me so emotional and I wish they could stay small forever but visual they can’t . But I just feel so guilt my that I’m being selfish going to work and not seeing the children more during these magic years.
Sometimes on the weekend I feel the days are so so long and I am ready for the children to go to bed at 4pm. Sometimes i dread picking then children up and the madness which I know which follows it I hate myself for feeling like this.
I’m so so scared I will look back and I will wonder why on earth I was missing out so so much on my children’s precious years . Does anyone else feel this guilty? Anyone else find work easier than home ?
AIBU to prefer to be at work than at home?

I relate to this! I worked hard for my career and due to how long it takes to qualify, am only now on a decent salary saving a decent pension. I also love my job and love my colleagues/team. Being at work makes me feel stimulated and "me".

I love my kid and have a second on the way. But by Sunday evening, if I'm honest, I'm pleased to go back to work the next day! I find weekends long and difficult to fill, plus we are in a tantrum phase and coupled with still not sleeping through the night, I'm desperate for some space come Monday morning.i look forward to seeing my kid after work but then when its straight in to tea/bath/bed monotony and arguements about each of these things, I'm desperate for work again!

I feel hugely guilty about this. I feel inadequate as a mum because it feels like I shouldn't have these feelings and should wish to be with them all day. Like I shouldn't find tantrums exhausting to manage and shouldn't find the poor sleep infuriating. I feel guilty for feeling like this every day!

Interestingly, my husband does not....

I also have a 1 and 3 year old and definitely find being at work practically a spa break at this point. I do only work part time though but my daughter still attends nursery full time which I feel a bit guilty about. My 3 year old is quite hard work (big emotions) at the moment and my 1 year old is just an absolute tornado so being at work feels like such a break. I also mostly work from home so I think I have the best of all worlds and really look forward to my working days now 😂. I think mum guilt just tears through us no matter what we decide to do as we’re so afraid of not getting it right and having regrets further down the line. It’s so hard but as people keep reminding me it’s not just the small years which are precious/magic so don’t hold too much weight on that. My hope is to just keep trying to get the balance right and that means also for me as well as the kids otherwise I’ll burn out. Keep doing what works for you :)

I’m part time (three days a week) with my four year old and (two in July) one year old and I do find it really tough. I love them so much and I really do make an effort: we go for walks and the farm and the park and feed ducks, to groups and soft play and role play.

But it’s so hard with two of them. My guilty feeling is I can’t wait for the older one to start school in September but like you feel bad as so many social media posts indicate that it goes so quickly (no it doesn’t!) and that you should miss your child!

I feel the same and don’t feel guilty about it at all!

Thank you for the responses. I feel so much comfort . Small children are exhausting . Well maybe all children! I think it is normal that some people find work to be a break from this . I know I struggle being at home full or part time and the reality for me is working full time makes me happier which should benefit us all. I just need to ensure I maximize weekends as much as I can !

As an aside, please do not let any guilt creep into the way you parent ie. Letting them get away with things, buy stuff they want, be impolite, hit you etc. You still need to parent them and any indulging of bad behaviour will only make them behave worse with you and make weekends (then school holidays) even longer.

This is really bossy and to be honest not really appropriate to turn up on a thread about how exhausting toddlers are randomly finger wagging about how to parent them.

I keep seeing instagram/ social media posts which all allude to the fact that childhood is short and you need to be present as you blink and suddenly children are gown up and the magic years are gone and then you just have adults who don’t need you

Some of these creators are finding a way to make money working from home, sometimes exploiting their children, sometimes not. But you cannot make beautiful instagram posts without taking your eyes off your beautiful, precious dc for a bit. And when sahms have to post things like this, it’s an indication that they find it a struggle too - otherwise it would go without saying!

At least in nursery, your dc are the centre of someone’s attention, and not being trained to perform for the camera.

And bear in mind that some people are creating this sort of content as part of their religious ministry, or to promote a political agenda.

You’re going fine op.

I don’t have children but all my friends say this to me regularly simply because they can eat and use the toilet alone!

Someone who's not happy being a sahm will be a crappy sahm. Better for the children to be in professionnal care at nursery etc. Your job as a mum is to care for your children which you do if you put them in nursery while you work. They are happier there than hanging out with a reluctant miserable mum @2under2mamamoo so nothing to feel guilty about.

I’m a SAHM to two similar aged children and I find it really frustrating when people (not you btw) imply that it’s not real work or that I have it easy, it’s really really hard and there are many many days when I would love to be at work 😂 however to your point, there is always guilt with children. I often feel guilty that my two male children aren’t seeing their female role model working in a traditional sense, I feel guilty that some days I perhaps don’t do enough with them and don’t make things magical enough. I sometimes feel guilty that they are not having as much interaction with other children as their peers who may be at nursery etc. it sounds like you are happy and your children are happy and that is enough

Of course it’s easier, you can go to the toilet whenever you need to, and without two small people following you or shouting ‘Mummyyyyyyy’ because you’ve dared to disappear.

You don’t have to hide to eat food, you get a lunch break, and it doesn’t take 3 hours to leave the house because your small person doesn’t want to wear their shoes.

It’s easier, which is why men stay at work.

It’s much easier. I often don’t get a lunch break at work and probably managed to brush my teeth more assiduously on maternity leave, but other than that dealing with fully developed frontal lobes has a lot to recommend it.

Not at all unreasonable but I would say with small kids it is easier when you spend more days with them in a weird way; everyone gets into the swing of it basically. I have worked 3 days and 4 days and found my one day with the kids more tiring when I worked 4 days,
maybe because my own or the kids expectations were too high whereas with 2 days off a week or on maternity leave we all got used to more chilled out days together? But anyone - not being unreasonable at all and it sounds like all have a great week.

Personally I found being at home with children easier than my job as a secondary school teacher. However, my age gap was much bigger as my daughter was 4 when my son was born.

My 2 year old goes to nursery one morning a week when I’m off work and DP drops her off. I refuse to feel guilty about it, it’s my favourite morning of the week 😆

I cannot tell you what a relief it is at the end of every half term and holiday to throw the kids at the nursery gate and retreat to sit on my own in quiet at my computer.

I have a 3 year old (nearly 4) and my son has just turned 2. I am absolutely exhausted, I work free lance from home and have bits of help here and there from a lovely lady who’s part time cleaner and nanny. I am always desperate for her to take them off my hands and I’m constantly shattered and in a fairly fed up mood with this age at the moment. Don’t feel guilty. It’s impossible to enjoy every moment - I certainly don’t and by the time I get to bed I am so over it 😹

There are pros and cons to working / not working as a parent, you just have to decide what is best for you and your family -it's not a one size fits all thing.

I'm a SAHM, and i feel guilty too -guilty when I'm doing house stuff rather than "cherishing every moment", guilt that I am not modelling the "women can work and be mothers" life, guilty that we could have far more money if I worked too, even though we have plenty. Low level shaming from others that "I work and do everything you do on top of that" -the thing is, you'll always question your choices if you are a decent parent. If you weren't, you wouldn't care. Just do what is best for you and try to enjoy it.

Twins here. Work is much easier than parenting for me.

Please don't feel guilty! Parenting is exhausting! I'm a full time doctor and find that all aspects of life are exhausting currently. I generally enjoy my job, but overall at the moment I feel too exhausted to properly enjoy my clinical work and also too exhausted to parent in the way I imagine good parenting to be.

What I believe to be true though is that I love my career and need to have that part of my identity to be a happy human being and therefore a decently good parent. I'm also proud that my children will see me working and hopefully feel empowered to also work hard in the future. But I'm not disregarding the hard work of stay at home parents either, if that makes them happiest then they are modelling a different kind of sacrifice and hard work to their children, which is of equal importance.

I think it must depend on the job...
I'm a social worker and there is not a moment of my job that is easier than being with my 2 lovely little children. Yes of course we have the odd moments but generally being at home with them is a billion times easier!! Monday was spent at a local farm bottle feeding lambs, holding Fluffy chick's, tractor rides and lunch out.
Today at work I have been threatened, abused, dealt with crisis, chaired meetings and responded to over 70 emails.

We’re going to a farm tomorrow. There will be lovely moments like the above but I also know there will be tears, tantrums, sunburn.

I used to feel that a bad day at work was better than a bad day at home, but a good day at home was better than a good day at work.

Yes it’s harder and that’s why I don’t dodge it 🤷‍♀️