To want to poke this man in the forehead

[MyNewNewlife]

I was leading a teams meeting with 5 men all 50+ on a serious and somewhat distressing subject (safeguarding). They were challenging me throughout on decisions I made in order to protect others. I was ok with that even though it was bloody hard work. At one point my connection dropped for a few seconds and my camera shut off leaving only my profile picture, which is a decent one of me smiling in a professional context. They thought I had left the meeting but I could still hear them. One said, "well that photo doesn't represent the real her does it! must have been taken a while ago when she was having a nicer time cos she doesn't look like that tonight!"

The others weee a bit coy but laughed.

My camera came on and I just continued saying.. "camera and sound are two different functions on teams guys.. let's be aware of that"

I finished the meeting but came away exhausted and feeling upset

Then I thought what a cheeky arrogant and ignorant arse. I want to poke him in the forehead while telling him about his beady eyes, bad haircut, multicoloured teeth and rotten character

Aibu for wanting to do that.

What would you have said?

Make an official complaint - let him learn the hard way.

Well done for saying something! Hopefully he was suitably mortified. I wouldn't have been able to think on the spot like that and would probably have just shrivelled up so bravo for calling it out in a professional way!

Oh you were wonderful!

😔 What a fuckwit, I hate him. What you said is perfect. I’m sorry you have him as a colleague, I’d have been upset too

I agree.

And also what HouseCaptain said, it's absolutely not on.

Is he within your organisation or outside? Either way I would be raising this. Complaint to HR or to his manager.

Has he apologised? I'd be really upset as well, and I'd complain about him. You shouldn't have to put up with that sort of nastiness anywhere.

Thanks comrades, loving the term fuckwit @Offcom

Got to admit it threw me for a few days. Shallow as it may be I looked at myself and thought.. 'you do look a bit rough though new new' and took the profile pic down.

I will have to see them all again face to face this week.

How do I walk in and lead?

Urgh sorry OP, this man is an utter prick. Don't let it ruin your day. You handled it well. Arseholes are everywhere.

I will have to see them all again face to face this week.
How do I walk in and lead?

Definitely lead on the bad haircut, maybe ask “or is it a toupee?”

Why are you letting the comments, of one man, who is no more qualified than you, throw you off so much ?

You are allowing him to decide how you work, how you present yourself, and if you are capable of doing your job.

Reclaim your power … stop giving it away to people who really don’t matter.

"For those who are still not up-to-date with modern technology, may I remind you again that camera and sound are two different functions on teams. Let's not have a repeat of Thursday's incident."

You act as if he's a pos and he's the one who's going to feel uneasy. Move on, it's not worth your time.

What an arse. But you handled it brilliantly and I bet he squirmed when he realised you had heard him.

You handled that brilliantly, far better than I would have.
Hold your head high and maintain your dignity. Maybe give the fuckwit the death stare followed by a brilliant smile.
What an utter prick he is.

Absolutely complain. These men continue to behave dreadfully while looking like crap themselves - if they want to get into appearance as relevant - I'm fuming for you and your response was perfect

Yes the OP was very professional and rode above the nonsense.

If the boot were on the other foot you'd be mortified and worrying ahead of Thursday "how do I turn this around and make sure he doesn't think I'm a total dick". It would not occur to you that he was thinking "how do I go in and lead".

Act as if you're the least bothered most self-assured person in there.

You don't specify the relationship but that conversation suggests that all the people on that call need some educating/re-educating on appropriate workplace behaviour, so I don't know who needs to know about that - their manager / relevant HR. Sounds like noone else called him out before you did which is not OK

What a wanker! As if he's god's gift to women!

Do you work for the same company? It may be too late but you could have dropped him a short email afterwards pointing him to the company policy on bullying and suggesting he reads up on it as his comment was inappropriate and in this instance you would not be reporting him to HR.

Fucking slimeball!

However OP you managed it magnificently, professional and calm. Did he look sheepish afterwards?

Please don't let this prat harm your self-confidence, he's obviously the one with esteem problems. No one who feels good about themselves has to pull another person down.

You lead knowing you have all of us behind you. Shoulders back , you are in control

Good for you calling him out, made him look a bit of a tit. Why do so many men think they are a gift to women when they really aren't?

I think you handled that beautifully and I have second hand cringe on his behalf. I hope he has felt suitably shamed.

People age, its just women who aren't allowed to.

Next itme I saw him (F2F or on Teams) I would ask in front of everyone how he thought I looked today then when he said something along the lines of fine (because he is too chicken to say anything else I bet) I would say "great, now thats out of the way we can focus on what's important"

You lead knowing you handled it professionally once and you have the instincts and guts to handle any more shitty stuff professionally.

You will go out there and rock it OP. Believe in yourself, its warranted