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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hand hold please

95 replies

NewPlumCat · 29/04/2025 09:00

I'm really struggling.

OP posts:
blackgreenandgrey · 30/04/2025 09:12

NewPlumCat · 29/04/2025 10:22

Hi,
Thank you for your message. I've tried sertraline but it makes me feel worse and I'd rather not take it. Nothing is helping me. I have been taking menopace but its not really helped. I don't think anything will help me and this is my life now and I have to live in misery now x

Show quote history

have you considered HRT and discussed with a GP? is there a medical reason you cannot take it? It is been a life saver for me.

ExtraOnions · 30/04/2025 09:13

Talk to the menopause specialist at the GP .. it will most probably be a Nurse Practitioner.

Just because HRT didn’t help some people’s anxiety, doesn’t mean it won’t help your - I felt a hundred times better

Are the risks of taking HRT greater than the risk of your anxiety that you are currently living with?

Have you had blood tests done, to look at your hormone levels?

ThisWOMANWontWheesht · 30/04/2025 09:20

OP, PLEASE at least try the HRT. I thought I was going mad with insomnia and anxiety, but HRT sorted me out. I sleep well now and feel so much better.
Your GP sounds awful and uninformed. HRT is very low risk these days, and I believe the risks associated with NOT taking it are far worse: osteoporosis, greater risk of dementia, incontinence, loss of libido and the unholy trinity of anxiety, depression and insomnia that could lead to poor physical health for an abundance of reasons.

I hope you feel better soon 💐

Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 11:06

Missj25 · 29/04/2025 23:20

Yes , it doesn’t help some , but more it does …
It’s like everything,
You should definitely try it OP ..

Show quote history

Thank you for your message and kind words 🙏
I will give it a go but I'm so anxious about going on it. I am sorry for being like this. I understand how you are supporting me and trying very hard to help. God bless you and your family ultimately 🙏

OP posts:
TheWonderhorse · 30/04/2025 11:20

Ok OP, I get it.

You absolutely need to take the hrt, and if that doesn't work then you need to take antidepressants too.

There are things you can do to give yourself control over your feelings while they begin to work. Google the Dare programme, there's a FB group and a book which basically gives you a perspective on your situation and a supportive community who'll have your back as you work through it. This will give you the handhold through the uncertainty and the wobbly start those medications can bring.

You are not alone, you are not mad, and you are not weak or being silly. You are struggling and that's alright because there's an end to it in sight once you take the leap. You can't feel any worse, so there's nothing to lose ❤️

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 30/04/2025 11:45

NewPlumCat · 29/04/2025 22:35

Thank you. But some ladies are saying they've tried HRT and ut hasn't helped them with the anxiety x

Show quote history

Plenty of us have said that it DID help with anxiety too.

Your anxiety about trying it could be one of the symptoms so if you don’t try it you’ll never know.

Have you at least had any blood tests to see what your hormone levels look like? That would be a good first step to put your mind at rest that this is REPLACEMENT therapy, putting back something your body has lost because lets be honest, once past childbearing days our bodies are not designed for longevity.

HRT can turn back the clock and extend your 30s and 40s rather than accelerating into old age!

Many people recommend the Davina McCall documentary on your last thread. Have you watched it yet?

Spirallingdownwards · 30/04/2025 11:49

I am so sorry that there are still GPs out there with such outdated ideas.

HRT has as others have said been a godsend to me and life changing. I am sorry that you have only spoken with some for whom it has not helped their depression and anxiety. It certainly helped mine. There are different types and different dosages and I only wish I had gone on it far earlier than I did.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 30/04/2025 11:53

I was suicidal before I started HRT. And I’ve had complex PTSD as well. I know how low that left me. But the menopause was an even lower low. I thought I was going mad and could not get through another day.
It took a bit of trial and error. It’s not a miracle, overnight cure but the first thing it did was help me sleep and stopped the hot flushes.
Over time, within a few weeks, I started to improve. Still have my struggles, I’ve put a bit of weight on with it, but that’s okay.
I really felt hopeless, that everyone hated me, I would run in my kind every stupid thing I’ve ever done or said, I compared myself to others, it was every moment I was awake.
It is worth a try at least. And I was already on anti depressants and they made no difference. I am so glad I got some help with HRT. And when I say I was in despair I absolutely was.
Edited to add: I was also struggling to leave the house with severe anxiety. It really helped.

Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 16:33

blackgreenandgrey · 30/04/2025 09:12

have you considered HRT and discussed with a GP? is there a medical reason you cannot take it? It is been a life saver for me.

Show quote history

Hi, thank you so much for your message and support. No my GP has told me it is safe for me to take it but I'm still anxious about it, and some ladies have told me they gained a lot of weight with it too. I have gained lots of weight already going through the memopause, even after eating very healthy and really less x

OP posts:
Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 16:35

Spirallingdownwards · 30/04/2025 11:49

I am so sorry that there are still GPs out there with such outdated ideas.

HRT has as others have said been a godsend to me and life changing. I am sorry that you have only spoken with some for whom it has not helped their depression and anxiety. It certainly helped mine. There are different types and different dosages and I only wish I had gone on it far earlier than I did.

Hi, thank you for your kind message and support. It's good to hear HRT has helped your anxiety. I'm really happy for you 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 16:39

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 30/04/2025 11:53

I was suicidal before I started HRT. And I’ve had complex PTSD as well. I know how low that left me. But the menopause was an even lower low. I thought I was going mad and could not get through another day.
It took a bit of trial and error. It’s not a miracle, overnight cure but the first thing it did was help me sleep and stopped the hot flushes.
Over time, within a few weeks, I started to improve. Still have my struggles, I’ve put a bit of weight on with it, but that’s okay.
I really felt hopeless, that everyone hated me, I would run in my kind every stupid thing I’ve ever done or said, I compared myself to others, it was every moment I was awake.
It is worth a try at least. And I was already on anti depressants and they made no difference. I am so glad I got some help with HRT. And when I say I was in despair I absolutely was.
Edited to add: I was also struggling to leave the house with severe anxiety. It really helped.

Edited

Hi thank you for your message and support. I'm so pleased to hear you are feeling better and HRT has helped you so much. I also feel the same as you and I also don't like leaving the house or even talking or socialising with anyone. I wasn't like this as I loved going out and doing things. I want to try HRT. X

OP posts:
Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 16:42

TheWonderhorse · 30/04/2025 11:20

Ok OP, I get it.

You absolutely need to take the hrt, and if that doesn't work then you need to take antidepressants too.

There are things you can do to give yourself control over your feelings while they begin to work. Google the Dare programme, there's a FB group and a book which basically gives you a perspective on your situation and a supportive community who'll have your back as you work through it. This will give you the handhold through the uncertainty and the wobbly start those medications can bring.

You are not alone, you are not mad, and you are not weak or being silly. You are struggling and that's alright because there's an end to it in sight once you take the leap. You can't feel any worse, so there's nothing to lose ❤️

Hi. Thank you so much for your message and support. I really appreciate it 🙏 God bless you 🙏
I will give it a go to see if it helps me but lots of others ladies have told it hasn't helped them with the anxiety and depression and instead they put on weight with it xx

OP posts:
imnotsickbutimnotwell · 30/04/2025 16:46

I think you need to go back to the GP and say you have tried the other remedies for a year so now it’s time to try HRT.

You could speak to 10 people who said it made them anxious and 10 people that said it cured their anxiety.

What matters is how YOU react to it and you won’t know that until you try it. You have anxiety now so there is nothing to lose by trying it. From what I understand there are different types and maybe there is a menopause nurse at your practice who can advise you. I wish you luck with it all.

Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 16:49

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 30/04/2025 11:45

Plenty of us have said that it DID help with anxiety too.

Your anxiety about trying it could be one of the symptoms so if you don’t try it you’ll never know.

Have you at least had any blood tests to see what your hormone levels look like? That would be a good first step to put your mind at rest that this is REPLACEMENT therapy, putting back something your body has lost because lets be honest, once past childbearing days our bodies are not designed for longevity.

HRT can turn back the clock and extend your 30s and 40s rather than accelerating into old age!

Many people recommend the Davina McCall documentary on your last thread. Have you watched it yet?

Show quote history

Hi, thank you for your message and support and reassurance. I did have a blood test done for hormones a few months ago and my GP said my hormones were normal apart from the progesterone being a bit low. But I can't agree with that because my symptoms are very severe. Maybe they haven't checked it correctly, I'm sure my estrogen levels have depleted but my GP is saying my estrogen levels are normal. xx

OP posts:
SoMauveMonty · 30/04/2025 16:49

I spent about 3 years getting slowly more and more bogged down by symptoms until i was in quite a dark place. I was determined, initially, that i didn't want HRT and would just hippy the shit out of the menopause instead😂I took black cohosh, herbal teas, various other supplements, completely reworked my diet....but the hot flushes - ha! flushes my arse, I felt like my skin was on fire several times a day - just increased, i had insomnia, low mood.....I kept thinking it would get better, but it didn't.

I went to see my GP about something else & she asked me how i was otherwise, and it all came out in a bit of a flood. She suggested a low dose of HRT, and see how I got on. It took about a month, I didn't suddenly feel better overnight, but about 4 weeks in i realised I felt calmer, rested and generally more upbeat.

Please do consider it, OP. No woman should have to suffer such debilitating symptoms these days.

Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 16:51

imnotsickbutimnotwell · 30/04/2025 16:46

I think you need to go back to the GP and say you have tried the other remedies for a year so now it’s time to try HRT.

You could speak to 10 people who said it made them anxious and 10 people that said it cured their anxiety.

What matters is how YOU react to it and you won’t know that until you try it. You have anxiety now so there is nothing to lose by trying it. From what I understand there are different types and maybe there is a menopause nurse at your practice who can advise you. I wish you luck with it all.

Thanks for your message and kind words 🙏 I have seen my GP a few weeks ago and she has prescribed me evorel patches but I'm too anxious to use them xx

OP posts:
blackgreenandgrey · 30/04/2025 16:54

NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 16:33

Hi, thank you so much for your message and support. No my GP has told me it is safe for me to take it but I'm still anxious about it, and some ladies have told me they gained a lot of weight with it too. I have gained lots of weight already going through the memopause, even after eating very healthy and really less x

Show quote history

If you are not coping with menopause and HRT is not contraindicated, then it's obviously the solution to give it a try. Anxiety can be a menopausal symptom and I am less anxious since starting HRT. as for weight, I lost half a stone and went back to my pre- menopausal weight.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 30/04/2025 17:05

There is no standard blood test to determine if you need HRT anymore.
It is done by checking your symptoms.
Even at your lowest you have to learn to advocate for yourself and don’t give up!

Kuygdhvc · 30/04/2025 17:05

@NewPlumCat Ive only read your posts rather than the full thread, but your main symptom that is concerning you seems to be anxiety. Have you tried taking anxiety medication instead of antidepressants?
I was like you when I hit 40 and never thought I would ever feel normal again, but a low dose anxiety medication really helped me.

WhatSheHeard · 30/04/2025 17:29

My menopause hit alongside a lot of other stuff in my life and counselling helped a lot. I wonder now if what I thought were symptoms of menopause were actually symptoms of stress. First counsellor I tried really didn’t feel right after a while so I stopped. Tried another some months later as I was v low. It cost the price of a holiday all told but was the best money I ever spent. Not pleasant, never looked forward to going to sessions, but honestly was life changing. If you can consider paying I would really encourage you to look around / ask locally and see what counselling services there are. Wishing you the very best. https://www.bps.org.uk/find-psychologist

Find a psychologist | BPS

Search for a qualified psychologist in a range of different specialisms to suit your needs.

https://www.bps.org.uk/find-psychologist

Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 20:21

ThisWOMANWontWheesht · 30/04/2025 09:20

OP, PLEASE at least try the HRT. I thought I was going mad with insomnia and anxiety, but HRT sorted me out. I sleep well now and feel so much better.
Your GP sounds awful and uninformed. HRT is very low risk these days, and I believe the risks associated with NOT taking it are far worse: osteoporosis, greater risk of dementia, incontinence, loss of libido and the unholy trinity of anxiety, depression and insomnia that could lead to poor physical health for an abundance of reasons.

I hope you feel better soon 💐

Hi, thank you for your kind words and all your support. I really appreciate it 🙏 God bless you and your family ultimately 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 20:23

Kuygdhvc · 30/04/2025 17:05

@NewPlumCat Ive only read your posts rather than the full thread, but your main symptom that is concerning you seems to be anxiety. Have you tried taking anxiety medication instead of antidepressants?
I was like you when I hit 40 and never thought I would ever feel normal again, but a low dose anxiety medication really helped me.

Thank you for your message. I have tried antidepressants but they haven't helped me with the anxiety but instead made me feel worse x

OP posts:
Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 20:26

WhatSheHeard · 30/04/2025 17:29

My menopause hit alongside a lot of other stuff in my life and counselling helped a lot. I wonder now if what I thought were symptoms of menopause were actually symptoms of stress. First counsellor I tried really didn’t feel right after a while so I stopped. Tried another some months later as I was v low. It cost the price of a holiday all told but was the best money I ever spent. Not pleasant, never looked forward to going to sessions, but honestly was life changing. If you can consider paying I would really encourage you to look around / ask locally and see what counselling services there are. Wishing you the very best. https://www.bps.org.uk/find-psychologist

Hi thank you for your kind words and support. I have had therapy a few times including CBT, and it hasn't helped me at all. I have seen 4 to 5 therapist's since 2022 but nothing has worked for me x

OP posts:
Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 20:29

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 30/04/2025 17:05

There is no standard blood test to determine if you need HRT anymore.
It is done by checking your symptoms.
Even at your lowest you have to learn to advocate for yourself and don’t give up!

Thank you for your message and support. That's what I thought but I don't know why my GP hasn't taken this seriously x

OP posts:
Original poster
NewPlumCat · 30/04/2025 20:31

blackgreenandgrey · 30/04/2025 16:54

If you are not coping with menopause and HRT is not contraindicated, then it's obviously the solution to give it a try. Anxiety can be a menopausal symptom and I am less anxious since starting HRT. as for weight, I lost half a stone and went back to my pre- menopausal weight.

Show quote history

Thank you for your message and reassurance. I really want to try HRT but I have all these fears xx

OP posts: