Nosy neighbour?

[Melsy88]

Moved in to house 3 years ago - my neighbour (other half of my semi) is nice but very over-bearing.
Examples:

1. Every time I sit in my back garden she'll appear at her upstairs bedroom window and want to chat.
2. Every time I go out to garden in the front garden she'll come out to say hello and chat.
3. I came home the other day and she came out concerned that she'd heard my dog bark and wanted to check I was ok as she saw my car up the road and my washing on the line so thought I must be home but the dog doesnt usually bark when i'm home (car was parked the other end of the street as I don't have driveway)
4. Texts me to check i'm ok if she doesnt see me for 24 hours
5. Texts me to ask about shopping i've bought that shes seen me carry into my house
6. Comes into my garden (it's all open at the front) to check my flowers and sometimes prunes my roses if she thinks i'm not doing a good job.

etc etc.

as you can see it's all nice, kind things - i just find it too much!

She's also said for a while that she'll have my dog over when her cats pass away. One recently died and the other is very old. I saw her yesterday and she said to be "i'll be borrowing your dog when the cat goes to kitty heaven". I really dont want this set up, but don't want to cause awkwardness as I think her heart is in the right place. Any ideas for a response next time she brings it up?

AIBU and is she just a nice friendly neighbour?

Oh God, that's way too much! I would just ignore some of her messages, and put headphones on in the garden so you "can't hear" her from her bedroom window. As for the dog thing, just say you don't want your dog confused about where home is, so you won't be lending him out.

I would lose my shit if anyone pruned my roses.

why did you give her your phone number?

try wearing headphones outdoors.

does she have family? I’d tell them you are concerned about her as she “seems very lonely.” Maybe they’ll have a word.

Fence around front garden.

Sit facing away from her windows wearing headphones so you can't hear her (or can pretend not to).

Stop answering texts, or answer much later with single word or a thumbs up. Don't engage at all with questions about your shopping.

Answer any comments about your dog with a puzzled 'no of course not' or similar.

How old is she? Does she live alone? Does she have family visit etc?

She may well be lonely and have no-one to talk to hence trying to chat to you when you are outside etc..

Thanks all.
Headphones doesn't work unfortunately. She opens her window and starts chatting then my dog looks up and starts barking at her, and I can't pretend to not hear her :(
Actually don't think she's lonely. Her sister lives with her about 50% of the time, she works part time and seems to have loads of friends. It's a strange one

I understand that it's awkward but you absolutely can pretend not to hear, or just don't look up or engage. It's either that or go back indoors every time.

You are entitled to peace and quiet in your garden.

Or could you get a big parasol to sit underneath so she can't see you? She will still know you're there but it will make her easier to ignore.

I think it's entirely normal to have your next door neighbours phone number!! (notwithstanding this neighbours overbearing behaviour!)

Yeah, to be honest i can't remember when I gave it to her. Probably when I first moved in before I knew how she was.

I agree, although friendly it's rather over-bearing.

It's a tough one to manage without being rude.

Talking to you from her bedroom window must mean that she's shouting - you could tell her that other neighbours have made comments about being disturbed by the loud conversation.

Be very busy when she comes over for a chat & continue doing what you're doing rather than stopping for a chat telling her what a lot you have to do today so you need to crack on.

Thank you for pruning my roses, but it's a job that I really enjoy doing so I'd rather you didn't do it again.

I'm sorry, but my dog has a dodgy stomach & sometimes vomits and gets diarrhoea when in strange places - I wouldn't want that to happen to you.

Don't respond to her texts/phone calls. If she asks say 'oh I've been having problems with my phone, a couple of other friends mentioned that I didn't appear to be getting their text/phone calls, I will have to take it into the shop for them to look at when I get a moment.

However, neighbours like this can also be useful. I have a nosy neighbour, but she will water my plants when I'm away, take any packages that have been left for me and I'm certain that any suspicious activity near my house would be reported to the police with a very accurate description of the perpetrator. 😉

Maybe she thinks you're lonely and need a friend! Are you sure shes not just joking about the dog borrowing?
I'd be telling her straight about pruning your roses. What a cheek.

She's definitely not joking. Shes even thought about how to make her gate secure so the dog can go in the garden!
I have thought she maybe thinks i'm lonely so I tend to mention when i've seen friends/how bust I am etc!

From experience, I can tell you that people like her do not take any kind of hint. She may be well meaning but she is overbearing and will happily trample all over your boundaries. You will have to be much firmer, as pp have suggested. Headphones and ignore. She will understand really, but just pretend not to understand. Don't back down, or you are in for years of this behaviour.

What type of dog do you have OP?
I'd be making it very plain to her that that's definitely not happening. She can get her own dog ffs.

It might be common but it’s not necessary. They’re right there; if something is urgent they can call in person.

I’ve had neighbours ask for my number and I say flat out that I don’t share my contact info. Arm’s length is best. If I want someone to water my plants when I’m on holiday, I hire a house sitter.

Why?? I've never given my number out to a neighbour because I don't want someone texting / calling me and being a total pita.
Our elderly neighbour is very nosy and always appears whenever I go out into the garden. He peeps around the kitchen door to watch me then shuts it very quietly. I sometimes wave and call out "Morning". He then has to say hello and know I've seen him.
Doesn't help the fact the kitchen doors are opposite each other either and both have frosty glass. He lurks like a spider waiting to pounce😄We treat it like a game and due to him slagging everyone off including his own family, we have very limited conversation with him. He talks at you not with and is not the nice old gent he pretends to be.
This is nicely outing.

But you can pretend to not hear her. You need to train her. Her invasiveness is extreme and appalling. I couldn’t live like that.

She's a little shihtzu.

Definitely wouldnt give it out again. Lesson has been learnt!

I don't imagine you call them when you are both home! Just "you left your car boot open, i closed it for you."; "There is a package at my front door could you take it in please?"; I am away for the weekend forgot to ask do you mind to put out my recycling bin?" etc... Neighbourly things

also, you would hire a house sitter? to water your plants. you sound like a very friendly neighbour!

I don’t blame you OP would piss me off

So annoying.

I wouldn’t respond to texts. Try to ignore/or polite wave and keep going about your business. If she mentions the dog again say ‘sorry to disappoint but I’m far too attached to the dog to let them go elsewhere’.

Yes, I hire a woman who drops by every day or so to tend to a few things when I’m away. I certainly don’t want neighbours having keys or access to my home or garden.

Arms’ length nodding acquaintance is plenty for me. Don’t want people who live nearby taking it upon themselves to be closing my car doors, trimming my plants, adding me to their WhatsApp group, asking if I’m on holiday or otherwise butting in. Good boundaries make good neighbours.

OP, I feel your pain as this would drive me insane.
You should perhaps stuff bin liners and use tape to make it body shaped, let her watch you take 'the body' to the boot of your car at night, whilst dressed all in black with a head torch on. Give her a friendly wave as you walk to your car. 😂

Seriously though, I would ignore some of her messages, if she queries, say you were busy.
Don't reply to any asking about your shopping, I mean WTF. That's not a friendly neighbour, that ridiculous.
In regards to the dog, say that he doesn't like staying in anyone's house and is happier on his own in your home.
Can you fix a sun sail type thing to your house for your garden so it provides some cover so she can't see directly into all of your garden. We had one, not overly expensive, might be worth a look at cost and possibility. I know it doesn't seem right that you have to spend money because of someone else, but it may be worth it it if gives you some privacy.
If you are in the garden and can't help but notice her due to your dog barking, I would just raise my hand in greeting, then tell her you're waiting for a call. Then take the imaginary call.
It may take a few blunt 'being busy and unavailable' for it to work for someone who is intent on being there all of the time.

Good Luck!

Pp’s suggestion is good. Can you afford to build a pergola or gazebo for some privacy in the garden?