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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

12yo walking home alone after 9pm

48 replies

Dramatic · 28/04/2025 19:46

My daughter attends cadets two nights a week from 7-9pm. It's about a 30 minute walk and she doesn't mind walking, however, I have always picked her up at 9 because I feel like it's a bit too late for her to be walking alone. DH thinks that when it's light she will be fine walking home, I just feel like 9-9.30 is too late for her regardless of how light it is.

YABU - she will be fine walking home
YANBU - it's too late for a 12 year old

OP posts:
NeatJoker · 28/04/2025 19:47

Too late and too far I think

CremeEggThief · 28/04/2025 19:49

I think it's dependent on the area you live in and how sensible and confident your DD is. I let my son walk home a similar distance at about 8.30 pm when he was 12/13.

ClareBlue · 28/04/2025 19:49

I agree with it being too late and too far on her own. Even in daylight. A group I would be OK with.

IndieRocknRoll · 28/04/2025 19:51

5-10 min walk maybe, though I’d be a bit uneasy but not 30mins. Assuming that’s mile or two? I’d be worried about someone knowing her routine and following her.

Whocanbelieveit · 28/04/2025 19:51

It is presumably a 10 to 15 min drive for you. There is no way I would let her walk home at this time alone. A group of girls from about age 15 in the daylight at nine yes, a 12 year old on their own no, but I live rurally and I am thinking about lonely country lanes. Do you live in a town and are there buses? I would still think from age 14 in a town, personally.

andweallloveclover · 28/04/2025 19:51

Nope. Not for me. Not at that time of night at that age. Its too late and too far for me to feel fully comfortable with that.

evtheria · 28/04/2025 19:51

I think it’s too far.
My DC is not even 11, and Scouts also ends at 9. They walk home on their own… 5mins straight down the well lit, busy street. If it was 30, I wouldn’t let them do it.

Wtafdidido · 28/04/2025 19:51

Whether it’s daylight or not makes little difference to a predator or opportunistic attacker. She will be walking the same route at the same time on the same nights and that makes any woman vulnerable never mind a 12 year old child. She should in an ideal world be safe to do so but sadly that’s not the world women live in now and no way would my husband or I ever be happy with our daughters doing this. Imagine how you will feel if something does happen and there is no reason why one of you couldn’t have collected her. At this stage get her into some self defense classes and build her confidence by maybe taking it in turns to walk with her.

Hoplolly · 28/04/2025 19:54

Nah, I wouldn't make them walk that if I was able to just as easily collect them.

TheNightingalesStarling · 28/04/2025 19:55

Safety aside, I'd be wanting her home quicker so that she could be showering, snack etc and bed at a reasonable hour.

Whether it is safe depends completely on the area.

Independence is good for them but so it practicality.

purplecorkheart · 28/04/2025 19:59

No too far, too late in the evening. Also that routine would be fixed so easy for someone with bad intentions to know where she is at a fixed time, unlikely but possible.

Picklechicken · 28/04/2025 20:00

Nope. Too late. My Ds is the same age and we live in a very safe, small ish town but no way.

Original poster
Dramatic · 28/04/2025 20:01

Whocanbelieveit · 28/04/2025 19:51

It is presumably a 10 to 15 min drive for you. There is no way I would let her walk home at this time alone. A group of girls from about age 15 in the daylight at nine yes, a 12 year old on their own no, but I live rurally and I am thinking about lonely country lanes. Do you live in a town and are there buses? I would still think from age 14 in a town, personally.

No it's only a 5 minute drive, she meets up with another girl on the way but she lives pretty close to cadets so the majority of the way is on her own. It's a safe walk, we live in a small town with very little traffic and the paths are safe. But it's really just the time, it just makes me uneasy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dramatic · 28/04/2025 20:02

Hoplolly · 28/04/2025 19:54

Nah, I wouldn't make them walk that if I was able to just as easily collect them.

She actually enjoys the walk and is pestering me to let her walk home 😂

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 28/04/2025 20:04

If it's light I would be fine with that but why not cycle?

Coffeeishot · 28/04/2025 20:07

Half an hour alone I'd not be comfortable could you maybe collect her half way so she can be a bit independent, if she was walking with friends I think it be different.

MrsKeats · 28/04/2025 20:08

No way I would do this.

Comedycook · 28/04/2025 20:11

I wouldn't allow her to walk home alone at that time, light or not .

EilishMcCandlish · 28/04/2025 20:12

What sort of route? A well lit path along a route where there are plenty of other people to notice an issue e.g. alongside a regularly used road? Or through a park, with secluded areas?

My immediate reaction was hell, no. And then I remembered that my son (ok, not exactly the same risk profile) has been doing a similar distance back from late evenings at his school. About two miles along a shared pedestrian/cycle path which is parallel to a road. It is well lit in winter. The road is busy enough that it is highly unlikely a chancer would be able to do anything without being observed, there are no places for anyone to lurk etc. I cannot convince him to cycle, apparently that is not cool!

user2848502016 · 28/04/2025 20:17

I wouldn’t like this even for my 14 year old

reluctantbrit · 28/04/2025 20:24

DD is nearly 18 and DH or I still collect her from Explorers at 9.30pm. Mainly as she would have to use two dark alley ways I don't fancy walking along in the dark.

As other PPs said, it's often well known that teens are out from certain times and a lone teen is just not safe.

Yellowpingu · 28/04/2025 20:34

Is she in uniform? That’s the bit that would concern me in case it made her a target for older teens to ridicule. Cycling might be a safer option.

2chocolateoranges · 28/04/2025 20:37

I’d still pick her up. I went to guides( many many years ago ) and it finished at 9.30pm and my mum walked to meet me every week, she didn’t drive and we lived in a small village.

id pick my children up at that time too

MsNevermore · 28/04/2025 20:43

Absolutely not 🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣🫣

Olsen · 28/04/2025 20:46

No I wouldn’t. It’s too far and too late to be alone. My DD is 13 this year.