Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For thinking DH is trying to sabotage me

103 replies

Raynaodld · 28/04/2025 13:13

DH and I have 2 kids. I have recently started losing weight and religiously losing weight. I’ve made real, visible progress. I’m also on a strict diet. At first DH seemed to be supporting me. He couldn’t believe the difference. His taken a new interest in our relationship and shows me attention I never got while I was big. He previously would never want to be intimate now his always around me. The nicer my body gets, the more I notice some strange behaviour from him. He will eat unhealthy food such as McDonald’s by me (normal because he just enjoys junk food.) I fast on certain days and he will get the nicest of meals and ask me to order it for him & I get to see everything I’m missing out on. Again, not too unusual. But his been asking to go out to meals (which we never do) at the most unhealthiest restaurants. Burgers, pizzas- knowing full well I can’t eat it. Then when we are there he tries pressuring me into eating. He said yesterday “can you have the rest of my burger? I don’t want it to go to waste.” And suggested we splash out and have a feast. I had a salad but admittedly I did have a slice of pizza. While he would watch the kids when I went to the gym before, he claims to be busy when I ask and I can’t go as frequently as I did before. I also work out when the kids are sleeping and he suggests we should use that time to spend together instead. We was talking last night and he admitted that he doesn’t trust me to not leave him although I would never. What do I make of this? It seems as if he is (not so) subtly to sabotage me. But knowing men they are not as calculated as this and he might just not realise.

OP posts:
CantHoldMeDown · 28/04/2025 13:17

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Raynaodld · 28/04/2025 13:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

On a seperate note, wow! 72 hours straight? So many questions as I’ve just started this journey. When did you start seeing results? Do you do it for weight loss or lifestyle choices?

OP posts:
DenholmElliot11 · 28/04/2025 13:19

What an insecure little weazel!

Honestly, fucking men.

Yes he's trying to sabatage you.

Raynaodld · 28/04/2025 13:23

DenholmElliot11 · 28/04/2025 13:19

What an insecure little weazel!

Honestly, fucking men.

Yes he's trying to sabatage you.

I don’t get it. Surely most men would want a fit wife.

OP posts:
CantHoldMeDown · 28/04/2025 13:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

QuickPeachPoet · 28/04/2025 13:28

Disgusting behaviour and what a crap example he is setting your kids

Swirlythingy2025 · 28/04/2025 13:28

you’re not crazy. People don’t always sabotage you with a grand master plan sometimes it’s insecurity playing out in real time. Your progress changed the dynamic, and he’s feeling it whether he says it outright or not. If he was fully backing you, he wouldn’t keep putting temptation in front of you or making it harder for you to stick to your goals. Whether it’s conscious or not, the effect’s the same. You worked hard to build momentum protect it. No one’s going to hand you your next win. You’ve got to take it, even if that means upsetting the comfort of people who were fine when you were playing small.

Daleksatemyshed · 28/04/2025 13:30

Yes Op, it is calculated I'm afraid. He liked the new skinnier you, now he's afraid other men will notice too and you'll have your head turned. He's feeling insecure now so he's trying to sabotage your diet.

LittleGreenDragons · 28/04/2025 13:31

I fast on certain days and he will get the nicest of meals and ask me to order it for him & I get to see everything I’m missing out on
Why can't he order his own food?

And yes, he is trying to sabotage you. He's actually a rather unpleasant and nasty person - has he always been like this?

Mudflaps · 28/04/2025 13:37

Yep, he's definitely sabotaging your diet. I seen my cousins husband do the exact same, she was my bridesmaid and decided to lose weight beforehand which she did but once she got down to about a size 12 he did things very similar to your husband. She told me he hated her losing the weight and he kept arriving home with takeaways etc. 17 years on and she's very overweight and unhealthy, he's a healthy weight but if she starts dieting he starts the takeaways etc. Weird considering you'd expect everyone to want their spouse to be healthy.

Notknots · 28/04/2025 13:37

He's basically admitted it by saying he thinks you might leave him. Of course men can be calculated 😅

You need stronger boundaries on your fast/low calorie days

Both me and DH use fasting and lcd to maintain weight and we try and line the days up so we're not tempting each other.

However at the same time, if I was fasting/lcd and my DH asked to go out for a meal or eat his burger (which is so weird anyway) I would remind him I'm on a diet day and arrange to go out a different day.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 28/04/2025 13:42

Raynaodld · 28/04/2025 13:23

I don’t get it. Surely most men would want a fit wife.

They might want a fit wife, but if they are not fit themselves they might start to get insecure...
Saying that I know a few previously bigger women who upped and left for other men when they lost weight, so it does happen.

Maray1967 · 28/04/2025 13:46

Raynaodld · 28/04/2025 13:23

I don’t get it. Surely most men would want a fit wife.

Not if they think she will be more attractive now to other men …

This is a tactic used by weak men who fear their wives will cheat on them.

It isn’t a million miles away from the behaviour of males who require that women dress head to toe in black and cover their faces.

2024onwardsandup · 28/04/2025 13:47

Why wouldn’t you ever leave him? He sounds like a dickhead to me

babasaclover · 28/04/2025 13:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

72 hours in one go? I’ve not seen this done. What are the benefits?

pikkumyy77 · 28/04/2025 13:49

Raynaodld · 28/04/2025 13:23

I don’t get it. Surely most men would want a fit wife.

He’d rather have the old fat you that he can shame and control than the new fit you who he fears will leave him. That’s obvious. And I think you should consider leaving him. He’s an absolute pig to you.

Brocsacoille · 28/04/2025 13:51

I see why he is worried you might leave him. He’s an arsehole.

orangegato · 28/04/2025 13:52

He might have a point I know of a few people who finally lost the weight and suddenly left their husbands. But he has no right to sabotage you, his insecurity is worth more to him that your health, yuck.

Diarygirlqueen · 28/04/2025 13:53

I'm losing weight and feeling great, my husband has been supportive but also voiced concerns I would leave him. But he trusts me and just said he feels insecure and we're working together on that.

However, the big difference between our 2 husbands is that mine couldn't keep his hands off me when I was bigger, he always made me feel secure big or small. Your husband never initiating sex when you were bigger is horrible.

Potatosaladsalsa · 28/04/2025 13:56

Your eating seems deeply disordered OP, regardless of what you DH is doing.

I’ve had anorexia for about 5 years. It started as a diet when I just wanted to shed a few pounds… I went from restricting only lunch and breakfast, to then restricting dinner. I then started to restrict fruit and veg, and then I went from 2000 calories, to 1800, to 1600. it’s dangerous and recovery is tough.

fasting is the latest fad, honestly. You don’t eat, so you cause havoc for your body and causing long term damage, metabolic harm, and cause blood sugar dips leading you liable to binge. Not eating is the worst thing for your body.

also, you won’t be able to maintain this weight loss. You won’t. You’ll fail. Because you won’t even eat half a burger, and whine about a slice of pizza. You’re ruining your life and wasting it. What a miserable existence.

imagine being with a person who won’t go out to eat at a burger joint? At my sickest I still manage to eat a bloody burger. One burger a month won’t harm weight loss. Even one cheat day a week has proven to boost metabolic rate and aid weight loss

youre wasting your life.

Paganpentacle · 28/04/2025 14:04

Raynaodld · 28/04/2025 13:23

I don’t get it. Surely most men would want a fit wife.

yes but he doesnt want any other man to want his fit wife ....and he's worried you'll decide theres a better option.

TheGamblersGone · 28/04/2025 14:15

You are on to him! He IS trying to sabotage you

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 28/04/2025 14:17

He finds you more attractive and now he feels insecure because he thinks other men will find you more attractive so he wants his chubby, safe wife back.

Tell him to pack it the fuck in.

Delphiniumandlupins · 28/04/2025 14:19

Raynaodld · 28/04/2025 13:23

I don’t get it. Surely most men would want a fit wife.

A good man would want a fit wife meaning a happy and healthy wife. Tell him you're not going to leave him because you've lost some weight. You might leave him because he's an insecure twat, who isn't supporting you to feel better about yourself.

SwordOfOmens · 28/04/2025 14:25

Time for the gym is non negotiable. Trying to sabotage your self care is unforgivable