For thinking DH is trying to sabotage me

[Raynaodld]

DH and I have 2 kids. I have recently started losing weight and religiously losing weight. I’ve made real, visible progress. I’m also on a strict diet. At first DH seemed to be supporting me. He couldn’t believe the difference. His taken a new interest in our relationship and shows me attention I never got while I was big. He previously would never want to be intimate now his always around me. The nicer my body gets, the more I notice some strange behaviour from him. He will eat unhealthy food such as McDonald’s by me (normal because he just enjoys junk food.) I fast on certain days and he will get the nicest of meals and ask me to order it for him & I get to see everything I’m missing out on. Again, not too unusual. But his been asking to go out to meals (which we never do) at the most unhealthiest restaurants. Burgers, pizzas- knowing full well I can’t eat it. Then when we are there he tries pressuring me into eating. He said yesterday “can you have the rest of my burger? I don’t want it to go to waste.” And suggested we splash out and have a feast. I had a salad but admittedly I did have a slice of pizza. While he would watch the kids when I went to the gym before, he claims to be busy when I ask and I can’t go as frequently as I did before. I also work out when the kids are sleeping and he suggests we should use that time to spend together instead. We was talking last night and he admitted that he doesn’t trust me to not leave him although I would never. What do I make of this? It seems as if he is (not so) subtly to sabotage me. But knowing men they are not as calculated as this and he might just not realise.

He sounds like he's an insecure teenager! I recently lost 5 stone and my husband couldn't be more supportive! Everytime I get dressed he instantly tells me how beautiful I am, he loved me regardless but his support since I started my weight loss has been incredible!

I'm slightly insecure about the weight loss as I went from 15stone to 9st 5 and my bum isn't a cake anymore, it's more like a very tiny plum but my hubby always makes sure to say how good it looks🤣🤣.

Your husband needs to show his support, not make you order for him and cook meals that could potentially break your hard work (that's insensitive as heck!). Please voice this to him.

Good job on the weight loss and I'm sending you all the luck with your journey! It is honestly the best decision you can make, not to just look good but for your overall health and it does feel great💗💗.

The massive problem with @Potatosaladsalsas response, besides being abhorrent, is the op will cling to it as proof that she isn’t in a relationship with a nasty man, but rather it’s all her fault.

I hope you work it out soon op.

Sorry I pressed the wrong button. He’s most definitely the unreasonable one x

He is sabotaging you. Men can be extremely calculating.

What a fucking arse - i would leave him just for that! How awful of him.

Fasting and dieting doesn’t have to be a strain on everyone else - I do 16:8 most days and I don’t think anyone else in the house even notices, apart from knowing that I generally don’t eat breakfast. I break my fast at lunch and then have dinner normally. So it’s not as if it affects anyone else at all. I don’t sit there looking sanctimonious like a Buddhist monk while shaking my head silently at everyone else’s food! It’s no big deal at all. More people do it than you’d think and you probably never even knew.

He’s threatened by your weight loss & how much more attractive (he thinks) you look as a result & is worried other men will want you. His reaction is deeply insecure. He’s threatened by the confidence & the changes in you since losing weight & getting healthier & is threatened by that rather than being happy for you. He doesn’t like the change in power dynamic where he now feels you’ve got my collateral & may leave him. And he may also be a feeder - unless this is new behaviour on his part. It’s sad he can’t celebrate & support your success.

"But knowing men they are not as calculated as this"

I'm not sure you know "men" as much as you think you do. Not all 4 billion men behave identically.

Wow, what a charmer. He gave you a pass as you had a child? Unbelievable. I’d be leaving his ass.

And also OP is buying into the ridiculous myth that men are all thick as shit and don’t notice anything, as long as they are getting fed/regular sex etc. Of course they do. Men can be incredibly calculated and manipulative, just the same as women can. He’s not a Labrador.

What kind of shape is your husband in? Has he gained weight ? Does he maybe feel ashamed that he can't/doesn't have the willpower to stick out a strict diet like you and is responding by letting himself go, and hoping if you fail then he has less to be ashamed of from not looking after himself too?
If he didn't show any sexual interest in you when you were bigger, maybe he's concerned that you won't be interested in him and therefore he prefers you fatter so that you are "trapped" with him. But of course you are free to leave whatever your size!

@Raynaodld he's an insecure little twatwaffle of a man and yes, he is deliberately trying to make you fail.

He is so afraid you will finally see him as he really is and realise you can do better!

I'd sit him down and warn him to pack it in. You are with him because you love him but if he isn't going to be a real partner and support you and lift you up in life then he will make you want better and you will dump him in the end.

Honestly, you're already settling and he knows it. The problem was never you being fat - it was him being so small, he couldn't elevate either of you in life and that is sad. You deserve someone who will see your sparkle and think you are amazing.

He’s jealous , he’s told you he thinks you’re going to run off and leave him. Stern words needed.

And how does he look when he eats this wonderful food? He must be getting chubby himself, not exactly an Adonis you’d like to jump into bed with 😵‍💫😵‍💫

💯 I would tell him that what he’s eating is a turn off. He is showing the worst qualities about him. Hardly endearing and also thick….. Pathetic behaviour

You can tell full well your so called husband is trying to sabotage you… purely because of his own insecurities.

When he wants to go for meals, you say you’re fine and he can go ahead.

When he wants to eat his unhealthy junk food… leave him to it and go in to another room.

Tell him he’s a grown ass man and order his own damn food.

When you know he isn’t busy just get your stuff and go to the gym. Don’t give him a chance to sneak any false plans in to prevent you from going.

You have done so well and come a long way and your husband hates it because he thinks you’ll find better and leave him.

Don’t let him get under your skin and bring you down.

You are right, stick to your guns 💪🏻 💐

By the sounds of things, you are doing great and look amazing, stay proud of yourself OP 💐💐

Omg. I consider that abuse tbh. How toxic.

Interesting, a poster explains what is happening and the OP’s first response is

On a seperate note, wow! 72 hours straight? So many questions as I’ve just started this journey. When did you start seeing results? Do you do it for weight loss or lifestyle choices?

Your partner is sabotaging your efforts and but efforts sound all consuming.

No some don’t - because they fear that you’ll leave them if other blokes show interest.

Or, they prefer a curvier partner, just as some women prefer men with a ‘dad bod’.

Or, they prefer a curvier partner, just as some women prefer men with a ‘dad bod’.

Yes. Speaking as an out of shape 65 year old my dh has always been attracted to me, regardless of life’s ups and downs and my body’s increasing tendency to sag.

How about “Here’s the thing Dicksplash. I wasn’t planning on leaving you because I love you. But your efforts to sabotage my health and wellbeing are contemptible, pathetic and deeply unattractive to me. So stop it immediately. Start supporting me like any decent partner would or you can kiss my now fine-looking arse as it walks out the door. I won’t tell you again”.

I think you are going to have to develop a real thick skin, because this is just the beginning. If you dont give in and go back to your fat little corner, he's probably gonna get meaner, like cheating and then saying it was your fault because you don't give him the same attention you used to, I don't know what, thats just and example of the next level of mean if you dont buckle at this stage. This is a very common pattern, and channels like burbnbougie, amani forrester, yv edit discuss this type of thing in depth, and its honestly disheartening how very VERY common it is. We just don't believe it because we would never do that to someone, so we never imagine somebody would have malice enough to do it to us

He sounds like a twat but is your whole life your diet, can you have a normal day with this not being the centre of everything you talk about

There is a difference in being on a diet and it being a happy that everyone you know has to suffer through