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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be honest with someone?

30 replies

Twinboymum2010 · 27/04/2025 22:46

I was seeing a guy for 3 weeks. He had lots to give, he lived local, had his own house, good job, nice etc
BUT
There were vital things missing. He had really bad breath, he kept his toothpaste in the shower and didn’t shower before work so I don’t think he actually brushed his teeth in the morning? Also sorry for tmi but he NEVER went down on me, ever, despite me hinting numerous times, I would always go down on him every time we would have sex and if I ever insinuated that I wasnt going to he would essentially shove my head down there or suggest I do it. I was going to ask him why he doesn’t do it but honestly the bad breath was a deal breaker for me. But problem is he fell pretty hard, I ended things beginning of last week and just said I wasnt feeling it but he keeps asking why and that he thought we were perfect together. We were only dating for a few weeks and I don’t want to be mean and hurt his feelings. AITA for not owing him an explanation?

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 27/04/2025 22:47

No, you don't own him one and it's unattractive that he's hassling you for one.

HarpSnail · 27/04/2025 22:50

You were seeing one another for three weeks. I wouldn’t give it another thought. Next time, ask yourself why you kept seeing and sleeping with someone with dubious personal hygiene and poor sexual manners for three weeks!

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/04/2025 22:50

“Shoving your head down there” is absolutely not okay. You owe him nothing. He can fuck off. Selfish twat!

NachoChip · 27/04/2025 22:51

I think the moment to mention the issues you've raised was probably when you were together. These being the reason you've ended it probably isn't ideal. I think everyone deserves some form of explanation but "the feelings aren't there" is explanation enough.

NachoChip · 27/04/2025 22:52

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/04/2025 22:50

“Shoving your head down there” is absolutely not okay. You owe him nothing. He can fuck off. Selfish twat!

Good point, this would probably do it!

Original poster
Twinboymum2010 · 27/04/2025 23:22

NachoChip · 27/04/2025 22:51

I think the moment to mention the issues you've raised was probably when you were together. These being the reason you've ended it probably isn't ideal. I think everyone deserves some form of explanation but "the feelings aren't there" is explanation enough.

I think the thing is though I didn’t want him to just do it because he had to? I have been with guys before that enjoyed doing it and wanted to do it. I dropped numerous hints and tbh it surprises me that he never put 2 and 2 together and ever asked me ‘was it cus I never went down on you?’ When I probably would have said yeah that had something to do with it

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinboymum2010 · 27/04/2025 23:23

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/04/2025 22:50

“Shoving your head down there” is absolutely not okay. You owe him nothing. He can fuck off. Selfish twat!

You know what I mean though, we’d be kissing and getting down to it and then he’d sorta push down on my head …

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinboymum2010 · 27/04/2025 23:23

HarpSnail · 27/04/2025 22:50

You were seeing one another for three weeks. I wouldn’t give it another thought. Next time, ask yourself why you kept seeing and sleeping with someone with dubious personal hygiene and poor sexual manners for three weeks!

See this is what I think too but he almost sorta came across like I owed him an explanation but it was THREE WEEKS

OP posts:
Doingtheboxerbeat · 27/04/2025 23:32

I have cut it off at the legs for various nebulous reasons and it simply boiled down to I just wasn't feeling it and that should be enough really - no explanation other than that because someone else would probably feel differently.

You, however have plenty of good reasons right there, but I still wouldn't feel the need tell him that , unless he became an arse.

Original poster
Twinboymum2010 · 27/04/2025 23:40

Doingtheboxerbeat · 27/04/2025 23:32

I have cut it off at the legs for various nebulous reasons and it simply boiled down to I just wasn't feeling it and that should be enough really - no explanation other than that because someone else would probably feel differently.

You, however have plenty of good reasons right there, but I still wouldn't feel the need tell him that , unless he became an arse.

Yeah he even tried to say can we continue as friends with benefits? And I just had to say no but in reality I wanted to say ‘no thanks I have many other people that could fill that gap that brush their teeth regularly and go down on me for however long it takes to get me off’

OP posts:
Doingtheboxerbeat · 27/04/2025 23:52

Twinboymum2010 · 27/04/2025 23:40

Yeah he even tried to say can we continue as friends with benefits? And I just had to say no but in reality I wanted to say ‘no thanks I have many other people that could fill that gap that brush their teeth regularly and go down on me for however long it takes to get me off’

Show quote history

Oh god 😲. He would be sailing very close at the "friends with benefits" request I'm afraid - he's taking major liberties with that one.

Original poster
Twinboymum2010 · 27/04/2025 23:57

Doingtheboxerbeat · 27/04/2025 23:52

Oh god 😲. He would be sailing very close at the "friends with benefits" request I'm afraid - he's taking major liberties with that one.

Show quote history

Reckons we have ‘great chemistry’ in the bedroom and it would be a shame to waste it. Bro is delusional

OP posts:
Doingtheboxerbeat · 28/04/2025 00:01

Twinboymum2010 · 27/04/2025 23:57

Reckons we have ‘great chemistry’ in the bedroom and it would be a shame to waste it. Bro is delusional

Show quote history

To be fair, you had me at bad breath, I don't even like kissing people with that, so the idea of having them breathing heavily in my face during hot and heavy times is giving me the boak.

ilovesooty · 28/04/2025 00:10

I can't imagine wanting to have sex with him after the first time. If you aren't going to see him any more I suppose it's up to you what you tell him.

dontcryformeargentina · 28/04/2025 00:13

He is an Entitled twat with zero self awareness. Lucky escape

Original poster
Twinboymum2010 · 28/04/2025 00:35

Doingtheboxerbeat · 28/04/2025 00:01

To be fair, you had me at bad breath, I don't even like kissing people with that, so the idea of having them breathing heavily in my face during hot and heavy times is giving me the boak.

Show quote history

Honestly I thought maybe it was just because he gets up super early, and I’d see him after a long shift so maybe it had just happened cus it had been so long since he brushed his teeth in the mornjng but then I’d see him on days he wasnt working and it was just as bad so I then worked out that I didn’t think he was brushing his teeth at all

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinboymum2010 · 28/04/2025 00:36

ilovesooty · 28/04/2025 00:10

I can't imagine wanting to have sex with him after the first time. If you aren't going to see him any more I suppose it's up to you what you tell him.

I think I thought maybe just while we were getting to know each other maybe he thought I wasnt in to that? But then I dropped many many hints and it still didn’t happen

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinboymum2010 · 28/04/2025 00:37

dontcryformeargentina · 28/04/2025 00:13

He is an Entitled twat with zero self awareness. Lucky escape

I think so too. I stopped replying to him and now I’m just getting ‘I thought ehat we had was special’ and ‘I don’t know what I’ve done wrong’ texts 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
TimeForABreak4 · 28/04/2025 00:40

Just message him, to be honest your oral hygiene seems poor and your lack of giving oral was poor. I'm out.

ilovesooty · 28/04/2025 00:43

Twinboymum2010 · 28/04/2025 00:36

I think I thought maybe just while we were getting to know each other maybe he thought I wasnt in to that? But then I dropped many many hints and it still didn’t happen

Show quote history

No, I meant the bad breath would have put me off. I wouldn't have hung around long enough to find out about the other stuff.

BlossomMoon · 28/04/2025 01:09

I'd have been gone at the first whiff of bad breath 🤢

Lookingtomakechanges · 28/04/2025 01:14

It would be kind to tell him that his bad breath put you off. That is something he can fix before he approaches another woman. Then block him.

TwinklyNight · 28/04/2025 02:09

I think you should tell him that he was a selfish lover, all take and no give, and his breath is terrible and he needs to see a dentist.

Fraaances · 28/04/2025 02:11

Urgh! The head pushing thing reeks of too much porn. If he’s like that at the beginning, he’ll get worse.

Jumpingthruhoops · 28/04/2025 02:12

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 27/04/2025 22:50

“Shoving your head down there” is absolutely not okay. You owe him nothing. He can fuck off. Selfish twat!

Exactly. Doesn't brush his teeth... but expects OP to suck his dick. Errr, just no!

OP, you've made the right decision and don't owe him anything.