Do you ever get a break?

[mrsmangle45]

Dh and I have a two year old together and I have a tween from a previous marriage. Tween spends every other weekend with his dad.

Our toddler is amazing but full on and we have no help whatsoever. My mum lives about 10 minutes away but for reasons that are too complex to go into, she doesn’t help at all. In an emergency situation she might do childcare for a couple of hours but that’s it.

In almost 3 years Dh and I haven’t had a night off together. We are used to it now. What I really struggle with is the relentlessness from day to day with no end in sight. We work and look after the dc and that’s it. Today for example, we haven’t been anywhere but we have had to tag team the toddler while the other gets on with mowing the lawn or cooking the dinner. It’s really tough and honestly sometimes I just wish I could spend the day in bed or have a break.

I know our situation isn’t unusual. I also know people do this with more than two kids and that one of my kids isn’t even here every weekend. So I’m not looking for sympathy. I’m just genuinely wondering at what point you have a break? The only time we get to sit and chill is when the toddler is in bed and by that point we are exhausted. I can’t even summon the energy to pick up a book never mind go for a walk or to the gym.

I don’t know any babysitters and wouldn’t feel happy leaving my dc with a stranger anyway. But good lord I just long for a night off, a lie in and the chance to recharge my batteries. Every single day is routine, work, childcare, chores. How do people cope?! When my eldest was younger we had so much more help and I really took it for granted.

Single parent here….have been since twins were 1. I don’t get a break …..ever.

have to admit I do think when you have 2 adults in a household then one of you should be able to take it in turns to get a “break” especially on the weekend you don’t have your older child. It doesn’t take 2 adults to parent a 2 year old so if one takes them to the park then that’s your time to get a break or potter about etc

I found the toddler stage absolutely draining, so hopefully once you get through that you’ll feel a little bit more relaxed.

Like others have said I would seriously consider booking a sitter every now and then just so you could do something together, like going out for dinner.

I don’t quite understand why everything is on a timer though: do you ever get days out? What about resting after DC is in bed and enjoying the evening? Sometimes it’s worth delaying jobs around the house to just chill.

I have 4 dc.
The only break I get is when they are in school/nursery or when I go to work.
Maybe once in a blue moon we will get a night together but that usually means we have to split the dc up between family

We have a 2 year old who is full on but with two of us, I find it quite easy to get a break each weekend.

We each get a lie at a weekend and we'll also take it in turns to take him out so the other can chill at home. Even a 2 year old can amuse themselves for a bit while you sit and have a cuppa.

With one child and two of you, there shouldn't be any reason why you can't get a break or spend time on your own and I say that as someone who works full time too!

On the two adults mentioned, I think it is more about guilt/feeling like you are missing out even though you are actually able to take that break, as you want to spend time as a family. I had to train myself to take that time. Also, it looks different for each of us- my husband prefers a weekend away with friend a couple times a year, I have learned I need short time away weekly.

Honestly let your standards slip and take the long walks. If the grass isnt cut for one weekend, it's fine. Ignore some chores.