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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour in hospital and his cat

41 replies

LurkerEvany · 27/04/2025 21:31

Would I be unreasonable to tell my neighbour to put his cat in temporary cat lodging/pet sitters.

My neibour is old and in hospital and has been for 2 weeks. No idea when/if he will get out.

It was sudden and so I took some things to him and am looking after the cat by going to his twice a day. The cat was booked for surgery and I agreed to look after and sort the cat (she badly needed it).

She is now off meds and doing great but I'm getting fed up of the running around for him and seeing to the cat. I'm a carer for my wheelchair partner and mum.

Would I be wrong for now telling him it's time to get her in a boarding place as she's stuck indoors and has no one there?

I feel bad as it's not her fault nor his really and he has no living family but I feel this isn't my place.

OP posts:
parietal · 27/04/2025 21:37

does he have any other friends / family who are visiting in hospital? if so, tell them that you can't care for the cat anymore.

it might be pretty hard for him to organize cat care from a hospital bed (depending on how ill he is), but you can certainly say that you won't be able to keep looking after the cat indefinitely.

stichguru · 27/04/2025 21:39

It 100% wouldn't be unreasonable, but would he manage to do it? Like depending on what is wrong with your neighbour, I'm not sure whether expecting him to find and organise a cat boarding place from his hospital bed is realistic. Also how would he get the cat there? Could you take her somewhere?

ChargeableHour · 27/04/2025 21:40

You aren’t unreasonable to want to end this task. However, it seems pretty impossible that a man in hospital could arrange it. Could you arrange it and have someone bill him?

Worm28 · 27/04/2025 21:42

You’re NBU if you don’t want to help anymore but if I was you I would continue to look after the cat because sometimes it’s just a good thing to do to help a fellow human out in a crisis. Now the cat has recovered surely it just needs feeding twice a day at your convenience?

StarDolphins · 27/04/2025 21:43

I am unreasonable but I would bend over backwards to help this man and his cat or at least rally some friends/rellies of his to help. It’s stressful enough being in hospital and worrying about a pet & how would he arrange this? I know not everyone thinks like this but o would just do it.

Thelnebriati · 27/04/2025 21:43

The Cinnamon Trust might be able to help, you should be able to contact the hospital social worker and ask them to arrange for them to look after the cat if you can't contact them directly.

BlossomCat · 27/04/2025 21:44

Can you look on your local FB group and see if there are any cat fosterers around? Or contact a local cat care charity and see if they know of any foster care available?

TomatoSandwiches · 27/04/2025 21:45

YANBU, you've already helped him out a lot, he needs to arrange for someone else to step in now, you're a carer to two people already, that's enough.

hatgirl · 27/04/2025 21:45

The Local Authority has a duty to manage pets and property if someone goes into hospital - if you can't do it any more you can call them and they will have the relevant conversations with him.

DarkLion · 27/04/2025 21:46

I work with the elderly as I’m a nurse and honestly if there’s any chance you could still do it I would. I know it’s not ideal but I don’t see how he can sort it from hospital and so many elderly get upset thinking of their pets when they’re in hospital, worried about what will happen to them. Obviously if you can’t you can’t but I’m sure it’s reassuring to him and stress off him knowing that he has a neighbour helping out

TheCurious0range · 27/04/2025 21:47

What are you having to do with the cat? Feed it, clean the litter? Could it stay with you for a bit? The poor man is in hospital I don't think I could get cross about looking after a cat.
It's you really can't contact a local animal charity and see if they have people to foster in these circumstances. He's not going to be able to from hospital at his age and in his current condition

Nousernamesleftatall · 27/04/2025 21:49

It’s a few minutes twice a day. I would do it. He won’t be able to organise alternative care from hospital and you would only add to his stress. If you can’t do it anymore please organise someone to take over from you. I know many cat lovers who would have no problem helping out.

WonderingWanda · 27/04/2025 21:50

If you have any other neighbours why don't you ask if any of them could help out? I hate the thought that his cat might get taken away and he will come home to an empty house.

mumda · 27/04/2025 21:51

Cat foster care. The vet might know if someone local. You organise and you probably end up paying.

Original poster
LurkerEvany · 27/04/2025 21:53

parietal · 27/04/2025 21:37

does he have any other friends / family who are visiting in hospital? if so, tell them that you can't care for the cat anymore.

it might be pretty hard for him to organize cat care from a hospital bed (depending on how ill he is), but you can certainly say that you won't be able to keep looking after the cat indefinitely.

Unfortunately no. I have been the only one. No family or friends, neighbours all elderly too.

OP posts:
Hdjdb42 · 27/04/2025 22:11

It's hard for him to sort from hospital. I would continue to do it until they're discharged.

Original poster
LurkerEvany · 27/04/2025 22:13

Ok. I know it sounds bad.

This cat did not do anything but it is on it's own almost 24/7 and it could be weeks more. Cats once out don't always come back. I Dare not let her as I would then be stuck waiting for her.

I will gladly source, drop off and sort the payment with him to pay them. In a way that's not the problem. I just wanted to know if I'd be in the wrong to do so. I and type 1 diabetic and have a bad back myself. Bending is the main issue for me.

He had carers in before this and they were doing it for him. His neighbours don't drive either and I don't really know them well enough to go asking them.

I can't have her at mine as I have already tried and my cat..... Yer didnt go down well. Lol Mine is young and she's a very old cat. Besides if he doesn't come out and they put him in a care home or god forbid he dies in there, I really don't have the means for two.

I know this could be stressful and he's getting weaker but still b*tching lol. Hanging in there. Lol.

He's going to have to inform council after the fourth week anyway.

Thelnebriati thank you for that suggestion. Will look into it.

OP posts:
Notknots · 27/04/2025 22:16

Can you ring local vets and ask if they know of any cat foster schemes, or as pp have said ask on the local FB group. Our local FB group always has people who are more than willing and able to help in situations like this.

LineofTedLasso · 27/04/2025 22:16

hatgirl · 27/04/2025 21:45

The Local Authority has a duty to manage pets and property if someone goes into hospital - if you can't do it any more you can call them and they will have the relevant conversations with him.

This is true. Under the Care Act the local authority has a duty of care for pets. Please contact your local adult services and they will put you in touch with the hospital discharge social work team x

Bibbitybobbitybo · 27/04/2025 22:22

I'd also recommend the cinnamon trust. I've volunteered with them before and would have been fine doing something like this once a day.

MoominMai · 27/04/2025 22:23

Nousernamesleftatall · 27/04/2025 21:49

It’s a few minutes twice a day. I would do it. He won’t be able to organise alternative care from hospital and you would only add to his stress. If you can’t do it anymore please organise someone to take over from you. I know many cat lovers who would have no problem helping out.

It’s not as simple as that though is it? The cat is alone in the empty home and it’s not good for its well-being and care long term. You’re not really meant to leave them alone longer than a night or so. The OP has done an amazing job already getting the cat back to health whilst doing her caring responsibilities and should be applauded for that. She doesn’t have anyone else that could look after the cat hence her last resort of boarding so at least it gets full time care.

ThisIsItNowOrNever · 27/04/2025 22:25

Not unreasonable at all. Your neighbour is taking the piss.

StBrides · 27/04/2025 22:25

I was also going to suggest the cinnamon Trust.

If he can afford it, then hiring a daily cat sitter would be another possibility.

Original poster
LurkerEvany · 27/04/2025 22:28

I will have a conversation with him before I do anything so it's not a surprise and hopefully less stress for him. I'm not trying to be mean here. I I'm just very busy with appointments and carering that I'm getting overwhelmed. I'm just a neighbour and not even next door.

I know it sounds bad but it is getting in the way of what I want to do.

I know the authorities are overwhelmed too, but then they would let anyone take him in if it meant they didn't have to do anything or pay for him. It's a case of 'well they have someone doing.... so we don't need to, they can'.

OP posts:
Justkeepingplatesspinning · 27/04/2025 22:32

hatgirl · 27/04/2025 21:45

The Local Authority has a duty to manage pets and property if someone goes into hospital - if you can't do it any more you can call them and they will have the relevant conversations with him.

I found this when I was in on an emergency admission. They asked about children, then about pets. If I'd not got things organised for them, the hospital would have made arrangements.
I've had pupils go to emergency foster care because a parent has been blue lighted to hospital. The structures are there, perhaps speak with the ward clerk next time you visit as they will know what's likely to happen.

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