What to tell my ex-Step Daughter about me and her Dad breaking up.

[LuckyTiger]

I recently split up from the father of my baby. We also saw his daughter each fortnight for 2 overnight stays. She is almost 5. He said he has chosen not to tell her about the breakup and that he’s just said that he is living with her Nana (his Mum) so they can find a new place to live. It hasn’t been explained to her why I’m suddenly not around anymore. Her Dad argued that she’s confused with staying at her Nanas enough and she wouldn’t understand so he’s breaking it to her slowly.
I disagree as it might be distressing for her that I am suddenly completely out of the picture with no explanation. I think he doesn’t want her Mum to know about the failed relationship but she might need support from her Mum and extra love if she’s feeling any rejection. Especially if she thinks I suddenly don’t want to be around her at all. Does anyone have any advice please? Should I pressure him to tell her himself or should I let her Mum know without the Dads consent? I don’t want to do that as it places the emotional labour on her Mum when it’s the responsibility of the Dad to have that difficult conversation

I'm not disputing many people live together for years... but the OP isn't many people and it's this thread I'm commenting on.

It doesn't mean that they have any rights to call a child that isn't theirs a step child unless they're married to that child's parent....no matter how long they've been together...which in this case doesn't even sound like a few years let alone many years....so I'll stick to using the word dating.

Ultimately as the little girl isn't your child, then you have to leave the decision to her Dad. I understand that you don't want her to think you don't want to see her or that she's done something wrong, to make you go away. That may sound odd to an adult but often children do think they've done something to cause an adult to disappear from their life. Unfortunately, there's little you can do, it's not your call to make. Don't contact the girl's Mum either, that has disaster written all over it. Presumably your ex is going to have to co-parent with you, as you have a baby together. Therefore the little girl will get to see her half-sibling when she visits her Dad.

Sure you can use the word dating, but you're wrong. Cohabitation and having a baby together is not dating.

"Dating is a stage of romantic relationships in which individuals engage in activity together, often with the intention of evaluating each other's suitability as a partner in a future intimate relationship. It falls into the category of courtship, consisting of social events carried out by the couple either alone or with others.
... If the relationship progresses, the next steps may include meeting the parents or other family and eventually cohabitation, engagement and marriage."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating

You really don't like the fact that someone has a different opinion than you do you.

You call it what you want....as I don't mind if someone has an opinion of their own...I'm not that bothered...I don't feel the need to throw out quotes from any online site, especially Wikipedia...I'm not that controlling or need to prove anything.

And leave me to use the term I'll continue to use...all though "shacking up with" could also be used if liked.

He's abandoned 2 families in 5 years? What a guy.