Social anxiety in toddler

[ToddlerMum312]

Hi everybody
Just looking for some perspective here and please feel free to tell me if I am completely bonkers .

My little girl is 26 months , she can communicate by using 3 /4word sentences like “ I want more food please “ or what’s happened to elephant ? Etc she can answer questions and some open ended ones like “ what’s mom’s doing “ ? She replies “ cooking food “ what’s your name ? How old are you and how are you ? She asks some why questions and what’s /where’s / who’s questions . Socially , she enjoys one to one interactions with her peers like playing back and forth with a ball , going over to other kids and showing and giving her familiar to another little kid . Overall , she is shy and feels comfortable with us and close family members . She parallel plays at playgroups but rarely , if ever , partakes into circle time and prefers to stay close to me or imitates what the teacher does from afar . She is not bothered by loud sounds , fabric or texture of any kind . So far , she eats well and has slept through since 12 months with a 2 hour nap . She self soothes for sleep . Emotionally , she is okay , no meltdowns and tantrums are few and far between ( 3/4 a months ) , we can say no to her that she goes along with it . She does tidy her books / toys if I ask her , and holds my hand outside on occasions . She understands emotions and if I feel hurt she rushes to give me a kiss .

What concerns me slightly is that she struggles a bit with sitting still at restaurants, she does eat by sitting down at home usually with a book and a bit of “Bing Bunny “ 😆.

She doesn’t enjoy big crowds or join in with other kids . In fact she runs away from them saying “ I don’t want to “ making a grimace . She would look for me in the crowd and hold really tight when I pick her up . She wouldn’t want to sit at the table with them and wanted to do her own thing

At times she eats standing up or moving around and I know it is not entirely appropriate/ normal .

I am aware that nowadays playing on your own is not the norm anymore and nursery would pick up on that and ask the parent for a referral .

Does this sound like possible autism ( seeking advice )

No, it doesn't.it sounds like perfectly normal behavior for a two year old

Restaurants are boring as hell to a 2 year old (and to many a 40 year old too - just look at how many people are on their phones). And people in crowds are literally 3-4 times the size of her.

She sounds very very sensible and like most 2 year olds.

Why have you started two threads with slightly different titles about this?

This is perfectly normal. You really don’t want the child who is running off gleefully into a crowded space. It’s not social anxiety, it’s just a normal healthy sense of danger (those are dangerous places for a just 2 year old without the security of a parent). She’s probably a little bit picking up on your anxiety too.

I’d do meals out in turns if she won’t sit forever (one of you eats and the other takes her outside). Get rid of the distractions and screens at meals. If she doesn’t eat, she doesn’t eat, but you aren’t creating problems for yourself long term. Look to get her into nursery or preschool to make actual friends, not just playgroups eventually. She’s still little, but closer to 3/4 she should be developing proper friendships and experiencing being part of a little community.

She doesn't sound autistic, she sounds like a toddler.

Parallel play is developmentally appropriate at age 2. By 3 she is more likely to be seeking to play with others her own age.

It's normal and a good thing for her to be nervous in crowds - she could easily get lost in a crowd so it's a good thing she wants to stay close to you.

Less than one tantrum a week is a dream!! She sounds lovely and like she's doing really well.

If you want to work on her sitting still to eat, stop using distractions like books and TV and hold a boundary where if she gets down from the table, the mealtime is over. Or if she responds well to instructions then you can just go to her and ask her to come back to the table. And likewise if she wants to eat walking around and you don't want her to do this (it's best not to because of the choking risk but also, in my experience it can be messy when toddlers learn they can take food all over the house) - just say no, and tell her food is only for the table.

If you're doing the "mealtime is over" approach then make sure she has a meal roughly every 4 hours and then the opportunity for a smaller snack roughly 2 hourly in between, where the snack is just a smaller version of a mealtime e.g. lunch might be a sandwich with some cucumber and crisps on the side, the snack is some cucumber and crackers with cheese. Or a piece of toast. (ie, don't make the snack something like only crisps or a biscuit). That way if she doesn't eat very much because she's got down, it's not long she has to wait until the next opportunity to eat. I think she will quickly get the idea.

She doesn't have social anxiety. She's a normal toddler/small child.

I'd agree with everyone else. She is just acting like a toddler.

She sounds very normal to me(I used to run a toddler room) perhaps some reading about child development might help you to realise your expectations of her are a bit high .

She eats standing up because you let her. Same as watching Bing or reading a book with a meal.

I agree with, and hope you have been reassured by, previous posts. Using the term social anxiety to describe a toddler really worries me.

I very much doubt a nursery would pick up on any issues from how you have described your DD. It's all developmentally appropriate for her age. Some children and adults don't like crowds, it's no big deal. Parallel play is also developmentally appropriate at 2.

I agree with this. I wonder if you are an anxious person yourself op?

Yep. She’s just a normal toddler.
Age about 3 and a half they start being able to sit in a restaurant etc. 26 months is still very young.

Please don’t push labels onto your toddler. She’s fine. This is normal. Not all kids are ostentatious and loud.

All sounds 100% normal. Very normal to play alone at times. Also normal not to want to sit still with meals. Sounds like an amazing sleeper too, lucky you!

Children under 3 play alongside at best, not with.

Have you not had much interaction with small children OP? Your child’s behaviour is perfectly normal.

Maybe read some books on child development and get some help for your over thinking.

Are you the poster who’s obsessed with self diagnosing your toddler with autism/ND? if so, please seek help for yourself. Your child sounds perfectly normal and fine.

She sounds utterly normal. Few children really play properly with peers until 3+, unless its a sibling or a child they know very very well and even then its mainly parallel.

Everythinh else you describe is similar to my kids at that age. Both are happy, popular school kids now.

At times she eats standing up or moving around and I know it is not entirely appropriate/ normal .

Its completely normal at age 2. You have to teach her she must sit at the table. It can take a long time to learn these manners. Lots of children would rather wander round with a piece of toast in onw hand and their favourite toy in another. Sitting down is boring when you are two.

The very same. Back again with a new focus.

OP your toddler sounds perfectly typical. She does not have social anxiety. You need to seek help for your own anxiety.

Absolutely normal. Just let her be herself, ffs.

And "social anxiety"??? It's just normal, natural shyness. Stop pathologising a perfectly normal child.

Get help for yourself.

Agree with everyone else. You are describing normal toddler behaviour and seemingly to pathologise it. Not sitting still at meals is normal at that age. Different children are different personalities, some are very bold and others more cautious. Yours is behaving normally.

You sound like you are anxious. I think you would benefit from support with this, or you risk projecting onto your daughter.

Not at all. Sounds like most 2 year olds I know.
The eating thing - if you’re giving her books etc when she’s supposed to be eating her meal, then you can’t expect her to sit still in a restaurant! Your job is to show her what to do at mealtimes - stay in your seat, use cutlery when appropriate, try a bit of everything etc.

She sounds like a perfectly normal two year old tbh