Social anxiety in toddler

[ToddlerMum312]

Hi everybody
Just looking for some perspective here and please feel free to tell me if I am completely bonkers .

My little girl is 26 months , she can communicate by using 3 /4word sentences like “ I want more food please “ or what’s happened to elephant ? Etc she can answer questions and some open ended ones like “ what’s mom’s doing “ ? She replies “ cooking food “ what’s your name ? How old are you and how are you ? She asks some why questions and what’s /where’s / who’s questions . Socially , she enjoys one to one interactions with her peers like playing back and forth with a ball , going over to other kids and showing and giving her familiar to another little kid . Overall , she is shy and feels comfortable with us and close family members . She parallel plays at playgroups but rarely , if ever , partakes into circle time and prefers to stay close to me or imitates what the teacher does from afar . She is not bothered by loud sounds , fabric or texture of any kind . So far , she eats well and has slept through since 12 months with a 2 hour nap . She self soothes for sleep . Emotionally , she is okay , no meltdowns and tantrums are few and far between ( 3/4 a months ) , we can say no to her that she goes along with it . She does tidy her books / toys if I ask her , and holds my hand outside on occasions . She understands emotions and if I feel hurt she rushes to give me a kiss .

What concerns me slightly is that she struggles a bit with sitting still at restaurants, she does eat by sitting down at home usually with a book and a bit of “Bing Bunny “ 😆.

She doesn’t enjoy big crowds or join in with other kids . In fact she runs away from them saying “ I don’t want to “ making a grimace . She would look for me in the crowd and hold really tight when I pick her up . She wouldn’t want to sit at the table with them and wanted to do her own thing

At times she eats standing up or moving around and I know it is not entirely appropriate/ normal .

I am aware that nowadays playing on your own is not the norm anymore and nursery would pick up on that and ask the parent for a referral .

Does this sound like possible autism ( seeking advice )

It’s almost like you want something to be wrong with her. You’re fucking up her childhood with YOUR anxiety. Get help.

I’m with everyone else - I don’t think it’s abnormal. My son is maybe a month younger and very similar (but worse sleep and a few more tantrums!)

He’s a bit too active at meal times and can be a bit cautious in unfamiliar situations / around unfamiliar people ie. at playgroups he will usually stick fairly close to me. He’s always been that way though - likes to assess the situation from the safety of my lap before exploring, and I like to think that’s fairly healthy.

I think you have FDIA and you need serious help before you do actually cause harm.

Your toddler doesn't have anxiety, but it sounds like you do. I think it would benefit you both if you seek help for your own mental health.

She sounds like a perfectly normal toddler. You using the term social anxiety about a toddler is concerning though. She is 2 please don't put your anxiety onto her. You will end up giving her anxiety if you don't stop worrying about what sounds like perfect normal nuerotypical toddler behavior.

She tends to sit for the main meals at home ( not for too long ) not for breakfast though . I tried all the tricks for restaurants and coffee shops ( in the end I stopped going ) . She wouldn’t misbehave or cry . She’d just say when she in the chair “ come out “ and plays with her bunny hopping on the chair or the table . I tried books , toys but nothing . It feels like I am teaching her wrong

OP, you need to get a handle on your own anxiety before it does affect your child. Have you never seen or met a 2yo child before? Where are you getting your expectations of normal behaviour of a toddler from?

And no, nurseries don’t make ‘referrals’ for a child parallel playing. It’s totally developmentally appropriate as is being clingy in new places and wanting to stay with you. She’s 2! When we have kids round for a playdate with my 2.5yo, quite often they are off doing their own thing.

How much of your time is taken up worrying about this kind of thing?

from a child I looked after a while back . She was around 18 months and she would sit at the table at nursery for meals .. something that my child wouldn’t do ( she is not in nursery at the moment )

I don't understand OP, why you feel the need to come back under different usernames all the time to post the same things over and over again. Do you think people are going to give you a different answer and diagnosis her with autism as you so wish?

The only person that needs a referral is yourself to some sort of mental health professional. I find it concerning that you have no awareness or understanding just how harmful your relentless obsession for your own DD to be autistic will have on your on her daughters relationship to you and others and her development while you seem hellbent on there being something "wrong" with her.

It is very clear you know NOTHING about child development. Any quick Google search would tell you a 2 year old playing on her own is completely normal. Why on earth would a nursery make a referral based on this? And WHO would they be making to?

You don't seem to post anything about actually enjoying or engaging or just letting your daughter be. You've posted on another thread about timing how long your daughter concentrates for. That isn't even in the realm of normal parenting and it's very concerning if that's how you interact with your daughter and it is very sad for her going forward you treat her and observe her like some sort of labatory animal who must confirm to these wildly unrealistic expectations you have for a 2 year old than just letting her develop as the individual she is.

You keep going on about "research" you've done yet it is very evident you don't understand any of this evidence and how it applies to your child. You've posted thread after thread on things like language processing, sensory eating, toe walking and now this rubbish and tried to claim that the completely normal behaviour you talk about somehow relates to all this reading you have done means you child has autism. As like everything you have posted, there are no red flags.

I feel pointless posting this as you will as usual ignore all the professionals on here and in real life and posters who have actually real life experience and instead just go off on another tangent about another "problem" and then come back in a few week with a new focus and username. I really hope people in real life have taken note of your behaviour and are encouraging you to get proper supporr before you damage your own child.

It will likely come with time as they get older and understanding gets better. Children that go to nursery copy each other so I wouldn't say that is a valid comparison to your DD. My 2 year old DD sits nicely at the table for mealtimes at her nursery but can be a nightmare at home. Just try and keep the whole thing as stress free as possible but speak to your health visitor if you are worried- they should help allay your anxiety as it sounds as though your DD is developing normally. All children are very different too depending on their personalities so try not to compare too much.

Children develop at different rates, and it's best not to compare. Your DD sounds perfectly normal to me.

She doesn't have "social anxiety". She's 2. Don't medicalise the fact that she may be a bit shy, as so many of us were as little kids. It's also fantastic if she's happy to play by herself - that's a wonderful skill to have.
Just let her be the normal child that she is.

My DS sat perfectly for meals as a toddler and played confidently with other children from a young age. He’s 10 now and is diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Honestly trying to extrapolate from things that are in the normal range of toddler behaviour gets you nowhere. Just chill and enjoy your child.