AIBU my brother is arranging Power of Attorneys that offend me?

[NDFB]

My brother and I are the only two siblings, late 40s/early 50s. About five years ago he unilaterally arranged, without consultation with me, two Power of Attorneys (PoA) for our elderly mother. He appointed himself PoA over her finances and me over her health. Why do this? And why split the responsibilities? We should both be jointly overseeing her finances and her health. Last week, he sent me a PoA to sign (without prior knowledge, again), asking me to be JOINT PoA with his brother in-law, for his own health. I have never met BIL, don't even know his name. And to add insult to injury, brother has already appointed BIL SOLE PoA over his finances! And all this would be to take effect only AFTER my brother's wife has died! So, the scenario is: my brother's wife has died, he himself is mentally or physically incapacitated, eg on a life-support machine, and decisions have to be made regarding keeping-going or switching-off; or maybe brother is in nursing-home care etc. Then, a non-family member is now in SOLE control of my brother's finances; and that same person also shares control with me of his health. It is each person's own right to appoint their own PoA(s), but I will not accept having to share decision-making over eg whether to end my brother's life, or not, or decide on care-homes, with a stranger, the brother of my brother's wife, who herself may have been dead already for many years. Insulting, also that as you see, he has cut me out on both counts of having any power over finances, for either him or our mother, despite my always having been very financially savvy and sensible.

Jusy say no

Is he legally allowed to do all that?! I think you need legal advice.

You can’t have been assigned PoA for your mother at his decision only. You would have been sent a copy to sign.

I suspect it’s so he gets the money and you get all the shit regarding health and welfare, under the guise of “sharing” responsibility.

be careful of financial PoA. Dh’s sibling did this without telling him, next thing we know there’s several hundred thousand missing, they “can’t find” their bank cards and have no access to their accounts. and their house is on the market.

It’s because any soul destroying caring Labour is your job because your a woman - and for the same reason your womanly brain couldn’t possibly handle money issues

id very clearly ask him why he has split it this way and object and reverse it

So you are a mere female and he doesn’t want you to have any of the money but all the care responsibilities.

Tell him to shove all the POAs unless they are joint for your mum, up his arse.

Your mum would have given the power of attorney to him - he can’t just apply for it . She has to sign that she is giving it. So I would be asking her why she didn’t want to give it to you too?
Also, it’s really up to your brother who he wants as for his own POA too. You don’t have to accept your part if you don’t want to share it with his brother in law .

Does your mother lack capacity? IANAL but I'd be surprised if you can just appoint yourself POA over someone's finances if they are not cognitively impaired.

Yes , any interested parties would be sent a copy. My dd did it for her father and his sisters were sent copies and had the option to object.

Are you good with finances? Is there any reason you wouldn't be the best person?

It’s completely up to your brother who he wants asPOA.

you don’t have to accept it.

your mum would have had to sign paperwork. Why not ask her?

He.cannot have.made.himself sole POA of your mother without you being informed, with the opportunity to object. And you cannot have been made.POA of her health without agreeing. This doesn't make sense. This is very odd and agree you should seek advice. And as to being POA for him, just say no.

It's ultimately up to your mum (if she has capacity)

Your brother can't have arranged for you to have POA for your mother without you signing something.

You don't know his BIL but he does, and clearly trusts him. He's not a stranger. You should be pleased that your brother is taking responsibility and sorting things out instead of taking offence over nothing.
Regarding your mother, you need to speak to her and DB and consider joint POAs for both health and finance, but ultimately it's up to her.

without consultation with me, two Power of Attorneys (PoA) for our elderly mother. He appointed himself PoA over her finances and me over her health.

someone is telling porkies
impossible for you to be assigned POA without consultation

Health POA doesn't mean you do the caring.

But I don't understand how he appointed you as POA for health. Did you discuss POA before he sorted them out?

Your mum had to agree the POA for her, so she has to have been happy he was the right person for her finances and you for her health. It is not unusual for people to make this split.

As for your brother's POA, just refuse it if you don't want it.

Talk to your mum. What does she want? If she doesn’t have capacity to decide, it can’t happen.

This is all very odd.

PoAs of either sort can only be set up while the person they are for has full capacity
They also have to be signed with witnesses
You can't just be sent it to sign

Did your Mum have capacity to make decisions when he did the LPA.

If not, please report to the office for the public guardian and Adult social services.

I don't understand your issues. Your brother doesn't appoint anyone to be POA for your mother, she will have had to choose. Health POA doesn't mean you have to do any caring. Nor does POA over finances mean he gets all the money.

And as for who your brother chooses to be his own POA... You don't get a say in that at all. You can decline to become one yourself but why your choice as to who should be his POA have any weight whatsoever is baffling. You say "non family member" but this person is indeed your brother's family. He clearly trusts this person to make important decisions on his behalf and I don't see why that's a problem. You don't have to accept sharing the responsibility, feel free to decline and then your brother's BIL will have sole responsibility.

I am the financial POA for my mum and my grandma. My brother, my mum and my uncle are not.

My aunt did this made my brother POA over finances, me over health. I was irritated but it actually worked out really well because we get on well and therefore told each other what was happening. He dealt with dozens of different finance things from unwanted warranties to lost investments etc. I dealt with hospitals, carers and eventually found a care home. He would have done more if I'd asked and vice versa. I think in terms of time there is more to do on finance but obviously more responsibility and bigger decisions on health.

But the potential for it to go wrong is massive. I did have to trust him on what he was doing with her finances he could have milked her dry and I wouldn't have known.

Yours sounds very difficult. I don't know why he thinks brother in law should have control of his money seems mad.

I don't know why he thinks brother in law should have control of his money seems mad.

Perhaps he thinks his BIL will do a better job of it. Up to him who he appoints as his POA.

Who has POA and for what is/was your mother's decision. The attorneys don't choose themselves.

So the person you need to ask to explain the decision is your mother, not your brother. She had to have had capacity to choose attorneys. It can't be done once someone has lost capacity. So I'm not sure why you're blaming your brother.