Aibu to want to try for another baby?

[2025letsmakeitthebest1]

So my husband and I have been together for 3 years. I have 3 children from a previous marriage and he has 1. My first pregnancy I had pre eclampsia, 2nd was fine but ended with an emergency section and 3rd I had hyperemesis and my daughter was born 10 weeks early.
I am 38 now and cannot shake the feeling of wanting to have a baby with my husband. I just feel it would really help solidify our bond as a couple but also as a blended family.
i know all the children would love another sibling so no issues there. I’m just worried I’m too old 🤷‍♀️

With 4 children, I would focus on your existing kids.

38 is not too old what 😵‍💫

What does your husband say about having another baby? Is he on board?

We are in the process of discussing the pros and cons.

Having children didn't solidify your bond with your previous partners, did it? You have 4 between you already. Maybe focus on them as blended families aren't easy at is, let alone adding more complications. YABU

You don't really say if your DH wants to try for another, but if he does I would say go for it

I left my children’s dad due to emotional abuse. We were together for 17 years.

With all the information I’d say no. You’ve already had difficulties in pregnancy and age is a factor. And siblings always say they want a baby, because they don’t understand the reality. Being a teen with a much younger sibling around is not always a great combination. You both have children, you don’t need one with each other.

Nailed it.

With 4 children already between you, I wouldn’t have another.

I’d also be wary of thinking a child solidifies a bond or family, if that were true then you wouldn’t have 4 children between you with none shared, you’d both still be with the parents of those children.

At 38 I’d be concerned also about the health impact on both you and any potential baby, and how that could disrupt the life you have now.

I don't think I'd be bringing a 5th child into the mix.

Blended families are difficult enough. How old is the oldest child and how young is the youngest? This would influence my decision

In that case you know very well that children don’t make a relationship or solidify a bond.

If you both want one, can afford it and have the space at home for another then go for it.

I can relate a bit as I am similar age and my partner and I have one each and both feel sad that we don't have one together but ultimately we decided that having another would impact the quality of life we can give the children we already have particularly with quite a big age gap so decided against it. It sounds like you already have a lot on your plate with 4 kids so my advice is really think about what is in their best interests rather than yours or your partners. We compromised by getting 2 dogs if that helps 😁

Youngest is 7 and eldest is 15

We have 2 dogs as well.
I think you hit it on the head it’s that sadness that we don’t have one together. Growing up I wanted a happy family life and it’s still hard to come to terms with that being broken.
it’s tough.

Bringing a 5th child into a blended family is ridiculous. Have some common sense and support your many existing children with the change that has occurred. Stop putting some selfish desire above your children.

I think the best way to solidify your bond as a blended family would be to spend time together as a family. Having a baby would shift focus onto the baby and that could be tough on the kids you already have.

Agreed, it may seem like you’re putting more effort into trying to validate the relationship with your husband rather than ‘solidifying the bonds’ of the family you already have. Does he do 50/50 or similar with his current child @2025letsmakeitthebest1 ?

I had preclampsia with my first. Part of the risk assessment of having more was leaving dh with me dead and him being a single dad. Would your dh be OK bringing up your kids? All your kids? Would you be happy with them.back full time to your dh?

I know that risk is very small. But it's something to mull over

He does every other weekend and one night and day during the week.

My second pregnancy I took aspirin and the third I wasn’t recommended anything but blood pressure was fortunately fine during both.
My health is one of the things worrying me.

Having a baby together doesn't cement anything other than a necessary coparenting relationship for 18 years. Enjoy the children you have and the relationship you have. Don't assume because your children might like the idea of a cute baby that they won't be unhappy with the situation in future. My DH and I have 4 kids between us and I thank the lord that we never had any together! We have a lovely relationship that is not negatively impacted by having to parent a child together.

Do you not think that his other child will feel some resentment for their dad being ‘full time’ with a new baby? Especially one who seems to be created to prove to yourself that it won’t be raised in a ‘broken home’? To be honest that’s fairly upsetting for any of the children to realise.

That is really helpful thank you. There are negatives to parenting together. He is an amazing stepdad to my children and I am very grateful for the bond he has built with them. We do also enjoy our child free time which would be greatly reduced.
I don’t know why I’m suddenly feeling so emotional about it all.

To be straight, this is probably a last surge of hormones before entering peri menopause. I started peri early and had the same rush in my early 30s. I do have a baby (same dad as the others) who is adored, but me now has definitely questioned wtf was I thinking. The thought now of having a baby with anyone makes me howl with laughter/tears.