Private school fomo

[Europeanmum]

Hello,
I was born and educated (state education was great) in Europe, came to London as an adult. Mum of a 3 years old, I am now starting to feel the pressure of the decision around primary schools. My values make me think that state school is the best option but all the comments around private school as the safe bet for performance are difficult to ignore. more than half of the kids at nursery have already accepted offers from private. We can afford private (fees would be 10% of our net take home pay and mortgage was paid off already) but it will mean half a million not invested and once you start there is no way back. Our standards for education are high because we did well in school and would not want our child to be uninspired or not challenged but it is impossible to understand if they will be academic at this age and we are not really interested in putting pressure just to satisfy our ambitions. And also we would hate if they became an adult raised in a bubble of privilege with limited empathy for different backgrounds.

is it just fomo or are we missing the trick?

Expectation levels of how you build on that are high.

We were given that so we would forge a career and make a success of it. DB is now chief executive of a public company. I run my own business and am well respected in my industry. So it isn’t just about money - you can earn lots of money as a sex worker.

My DS is going to do something extremely specific that isn’t as high paying but will add real value and make a real difference (not public sector). That’s fine too. But if any of my kids arsed about spending the money given on crap and wasting opportunities that would be unacceptable.

@Pickledpoppetpickle maybe they don’t think that way at your school. I sat quietly in reception with my son when dropping him off at an event at a very expensive private school. We had arrived early due to the distance travelled, and could overhear the stream of judgemental comments made by the staff about the arriving pupils, their clothes, the cars driven by their, teachers, and all manner of other things. I find it hard to believe that those attitudes didn’t permeate the atmosphere and education of their extraordinarily wealthy pupils.

I did both for my DD - state primary for a couple of years then private as I could see she was falling behind. Equally I know several very bright well educated young people who’ve been through state. No less capable

a big consideration right now however is resourcing. State schools have always been under resourced but they are being even more squeezed. Eg a local state to us doesn’t now offer computer sciences as they’ve just got rid of their last CS teacher due to budget cuts

sports offerings tend to be very limited at state - fewer classes, less often, fewer facilities. Anything non core - drama, art - often the same experience

how well your child does or doesn’t navigate socially diverse situations in the future will be down to you and how you navigate them. Not wether or not they have a couple of school friends from the local sink estate

holidays are longer in private - the more you pay, the less they go to school. But days tend to be longer

You have no experience yet of the state school system. Give it a few years and then come back. Honestly I think you’d be mad to not even seriously consider especially as you can so easily afford it.
is there a better investment than good education of your child?

Agreed, @Jinglejanglejangle has been given handouts from rich parents and is incredibly money-minded. Probably paying 5% tax on dividend income instead of PAYE like the rest of us. You can afford to play with the investment market when you’ve got your housing and bills covered.

Again, a total misrepresentation of your average private. My kids friends are totally "normal" for the most part. The ones you described are the outliers. They are perfectly able to understand that a lot of the "normal" things they have are not available to all. Catchment areas mean it's not particularly likely that state schools have as wide a demographic as everyone likes to think. I used to teach in one of the wealthiest towns in the UK. The state schools were not remote diverse.

@ClaudiusTheGod On the subject of tax, the reality is that there should be a low flat tax for everyone with no allowances for tax free savings or allowances. Anyone who uses an ISA or pension tax rebates avoids paying tax. It might not surprise you to know that having used ISA's for years I can utlise the income from that which the tax man won't be able to tax at all. If you taxed everyone at a lower rate (say 20%) then you would actually increase tax take as that facility wouldn't be available.

Flat tax is not progressive taxation though, is it. The rich, whose wealth relies on a large number of poorly-paid people to do the work which supports daily life, would pay a tiny percentage of their wealth in flat taxes compared to the kind of people whose labour kept the country going five years ago in lockdown. We saw whose work was necessary then.

If you can live off investment income, which is what you’re implying, then you are extremely wealthy. This kind of life is beyond most people’s reach. Face it, you got lucky with your parents.

It really isn't that simple. It depends absolutely on the personality of the child and the style of school.

My DS went to a state primary? Years r-4 were great.5&6 were not.

He's bright but quiet and a bit shy. He was given a place at a dire & huge local state school where he would have been bullied, kept quiet and kept his head down and come out with a clutch of average gcses

He managed to get a scholarship at a local Independent, which worked for him because it is small, not the least flash, has lots of DC's with service parents and they are all very down-to-earth. He has flourished and has 10 good GCSEs, half way to maths, DT & physics A'levels..

If it has been a big flashy independent he wouldn't have done so well.

@ClaudiusTheGod I did get lucky with my parents. Shock horror but you haven't given me something for self reflection there. Absolutely I did. Just like my kids have with me.

The thing is though, I have been maxing out my ISA's for a number of years and considering my age it's not a small amount. None of that equally small amount of income is taxable. Not one penny. Ever. Now or in retirement. In the tax mans eyes I don't even have an income. I could then theoretically claim things like child benefit. Good grief. But it's legal. I could do it if I chose to and the thresholds fitted.

If you said no money could be outside the tax system all of that would suddenly come into play. So even if you said there was a 10% tax rate on say 100k (to keep the maths simple), well that's suddenly £10k of tax isn't it. Versus none. Nada.