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Original poster

How much board money should I charge

59 replies

Cherryblossoms54 · 26/04/2025 09:25

I split up from my husband we have 3 kids (28, 20 and 18). I’ve just got a new job which is a decent wage and after bills I will now be left with £1300 which I know is a good amount but this doesn’t include food, petrol, savings, pension contributions, MOT contributions, or road tax.

all the kids live at home. oldest is in a minimum wage job which is good as he has autism, the 20 year old was at uni and working, but has given up uni as he hated it, so is trying to pick up extra hours at work where he can whilst trying to figure out what he wants to do next. He earns £12 a hour in his job which is a great wage for his age, but he ideally wants to go back to uni. Youngest is about to leave school and start college. Ex husband pays nothing towards the youngest two’s education, I’m having to do that myself.

i don’t know how much board I should charge the oldest two now I’m working with a decent wage. Given it’s all adults, the food bill can be expensive. None of them drive so I’m also a taxi. middle child is the only one who has passed his test so is trying to save for a car. He is really good at saving.

Oldest saves nothing, spends all his money on gaming, takeaways, junk food.

the 2 oldest were originally paying £400 a month because they knew I was struggling, they are really great kids, and my middle child said he still wanted to continue paying this when he gave up uni.

ive been in this new job for a couple of months now and I feel guilty taking this money off the kids especially my middle child as some months he might only have £800 if he doesn’t pick up any overtime.

can I ask advice as to what you all think would be a good amount to charge them for board?

OP posts:
Augustus40 · 26/04/2025 10:44

Definitely get them to cover your lifts in petrol.

Gymly · 26/04/2025 11:35

I understand it's a significant cost for you. I wonder if asking for petrol money sometimes would be better?

NewsdeskJC · 26/04/2025 11:59

Carry on with the £400. It's likely a fair contribution. It will help you build up a better buffer against costs. You having better contingency and resilience is better for everyone in the house.

SoSoLong · 26/04/2025 12:08

Keep taking £400, put some aside for them to help with moving out when the time comes. It seems like you've got hard working kids who want to be helpful, congratulations!

Emonade · 26/04/2025 12:09

Cherryblossoms54 · 26/04/2025 09:25

I split up from my husband we have 3 kids (28, 20 and 18). I’ve just got a new job which is a decent wage and after bills I will now be left with £1300 which I know is a good amount but this doesn’t include food, petrol, savings, pension contributions, MOT contributions, or road tax.

all the kids live at home. oldest is in a minimum wage job which is good as he has autism, the 20 year old was at uni and working, but has given up uni as he hated it, so is trying to pick up extra hours at work where he can whilst trying to figure out what he wants to do next. He earns £12 a hour in his job which is a great wage for his age, but he ideally wants to go back to uni. Youngest is about to leave school and start college. Ex husband pays nothing towards the youngest two’s education, I’m having to do that myself.

i don’t know how much board I should charge the oldest two now I’m working with a decent wage. Given it’s all adults, the food bill can be expensive. None of them drive so I’m also a taxi. middle child is the only one who has passed his test so is trying to save for a car. He is really good at saving.

Oldest saves nothing, spends all his money on gaming, takeaways, junk food.

the 2 oldest were originally paying £400 a month because they knew I was struggling, they are really great kids, and my middle child said he still wanted to continue paying this when he gave up uni.

ive been in this new job for a couple of months now and I feel guilty taking this money off the kids especially my middle child as some months he might only have £800 if he doesn’t pick up any overtime.

can I ask advice as to what you all think would be a good amount to charge them for board?

£400 is mad! Just get them to pay for food and petrol, anything else is too much

Solmum1964 · 26/04/2025 12:31

Emonade · 26/04/2025 12:09

£400 is mad! Just get them to pay for food and petrol, anything else is too much

Show quote history

Not everyone can afford to subsidise DC. If OP is struggling to pay for necessities such as dental work, glasses and running the car then if course she needs to charge for more than just food!
I do very few miles so when DC lived at home and wanted lifts/use of my car we recorded who did what miles with lifts counting as their use. When I filled up they paid me an amount proportionate to their use.

Original poster
Cherryblossoms54 · 26/04/2025 12:34

Thank you. Can I also say I don’t think I was clear in my OP. the £1300 is after all the bills have been paid and after the 2 oldest have paid their board money.

OP posts:
Caspianberg · 26/04/2025 12:46

Keep taking the £400

Average food bill is min £50 a week for an adult. So they are probably easily eating £200 a month each worth. And the other £200 is towards everything else bills, maintenance of house etc.

If you find you don’t need it all. Pop £100 some months into a separate savings account to go towards helping them when they need it for car, uni, fuel, whatever

StScholastica · 26/04/2025 12:52

I think that is fair.

Lookingtomakechanges · 26/04/2025 12:56

400 a month is a great deal for both DC especially as fuel and lifts are included.
You might ask the older one for a little more, perhaps a small increase every year.
Scotch any idea that you are making money out of your kids at this level You really are not! If they moved out the younger in particular would be using every penny they earn just for rent and food, and probably be in debt too.

VanCleefArpels · 26/04/2025 13:03

Alternatively you could not charge them anything but they have to do their own food shopping / cooking - if this is the largest expense you have as a result of them being at home this will help you and get them used to looking after themselves.

Another thought: charge them less than the £400 on the condition they spend the rest on driving lessons. Their job prospects will be far wider if they can drive

ClassicalQueen · 26/04/2025 13:08

If you have to, charge a percentage of their earnings so the ones earning less aren’t disproportionately affected. £12 isn’t that great of a wage if he isn’t working full time hours.

NewsdeskJC · 26/04/2025 13:36

So taking the board money put you have £500 left a month?
Keep taking it, honestly. It must cost that in food, energy, petrol, and losing the 25% council tax discount.

Lucelady · 26/04/2025 14:17

I think a lot of adult DC take the micky. My parents took 50%. My sons friends on £70k still pay too little.

I've got on tight fisted one (charged his friends petrol money back in the day. Uses spreadsheets to record his family input. Notorious, so I'll say no more on mumsnet. The other one is kind and generous. She offered me her £50 natwest bonus the other day whilst I was waiting to be paid. I didn't need it but it was nice to be asked.

lunaemma · 26/04/2025 14:40

Slightly off topic but for glasses I use specsavers and pay via zilch so I can split the payments, like this

How much board money should I charge
skyeisthelimit · 26/04/2025 14:53

I would make it £100 a week, which is £433 a month. If you are happy with £400 then leave it at that. The 28 is most definitely an adult who could be standing on their own 2 feet. They would not be able to live anywhere else for £400 a month.

Even the 20 year old, if has £400 a month to himself, that's a lot of money when he has no other costs.

I would save any excess money and then if you want, you can help them out sometimes if they have unexpected costs, but don't make them aware of that.

ignore anyone who says that you shouldn't be charging them, they aren't living your life with your expenses.

AmusedGoose · 26/04/2025 15:07

I'd take the money anyway and spend the extra on Christmas and birthday gifts or set up regular savings accounts to contribute to each month.

AliBaliBee1234 · 26/04/2025 16:38

Tbh i wouldn't take £400 if I could afford not to. It's the one time in your life you can save up or enjoy yourself without finanical strain.

I'd say £250 each would be and gives you £750 a month. Not too much of a strain on your middle son who earns less either.

Emonade · 27/04/2025 01:56

Solmum1964 · 26/04/2025 12:31

Not everyone can afford to subsidise DC. If OP is struggling to pay for necessities such as dental work, glasses and running the car then if course she needs to charge for more than just food!
I do very few miles so when DC lived at home and wanted lifts/use of my car we recorded who did what miles with lifts counting as their use. When I filled up they paid me an amount proportionate to their use.

Show quote history

She has £1300 a month to live on! I end up with about £400. Even when I was single and earning well I didn’t have £1300 a month to live on

SapporoBaby · 27/04/2025 02:33

£12 an hour is not ‘great’ for 20. It’s OK - but only £2 above the minimum wage and 12p under the minimum wage for a 21 year old.

Id have charged them both 20% of their income. But if you need more then you need more.

4kids3pets · 27/04/2025 05:55

If they are working I hardly think a 100 a month is a huge ask towards everything, you then have the option to save some or treat them now and then or put it all towards bills. Right until me and my siblings left home we did a 100 and I always thought what great value 🤣

sashh · 27/04/2025 06:56

I think a % is the fairest way to go.

Also what are they getting for their contribution? If it is full board and lodging or are they buying their own food / toiletries etc?

Fuzziduck · 27/04/2025 07:01

Keeping it at £400 will encourage them to try and earn more.
if you can, you could always put money aside for them - essential saving towards them moving out.

Lookingtomakechanges · 27/04/2025 07:04

Honestly OP I would just leave it as it is and not worry about it. Everyone is ok with it and it means you can provide a home for everyone. Your DC are great to so grownup and practical.

WaltzingWaters · 27/04/2025 07:11

I would continue to charge them the £400 each. But if you can manage it, maybe save £100 for each of them per month to then go into a fund when they do buy a car or move out. You could maybe let the middle one know this as he sounds responsible with his money.
But I certainly wouldn’t charge less to the older one or let him know about this until he is ready to use it, as it sounds as though he would just waste it away.
But if they’re costing you that much in food, electricity, fuel and council tax etc then just keep the money. I think it depends how much you’re actually profiting rather than just being reimbursed.