Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

1 year ignores me over grandparents

28 replies

ChocolateIsAnAddiction · 25/04/2025 23:35

Just wandering if others have experienced this. My LG is about to turn one and has recently started to completely ignore me when grandparents are around. Honestly it’s like a barely exist when they are there. Although initially it really threw me I was happy she was building bonds outside of my husband and I. However the more and more it’s happened I’ve found myself getting really upset. Generally I find it ok when LG gets on this way when I’m with my own mum. Plus my mums been pretty sensitive about handling it and is great at reminding me that I’m her constant.
I struggle really bad however when it is my MIL (who delights in her being the centre of my babies attention over me) Today my LG kicked off because she wanted my MIL to hold her and not me. LG barely came near me at all. Just feeling so deflated. I know this is a phase and of course I know she loves me but the rejection of me over my MIL has really knocked me. Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this. Perhaps even some advice on how to deal with this phase. Tbh I think I just need to know I’m not the only one.
If you’ve read through this all thanks for taking the time to read through my ramblings.

OP posts:
Tbrh · 26/04/2025 00:04

I think you're being a bit silly and unfair that you don't mind if it's your mum bit you do mind that it's your MIL, be happy that your LO has so many people to love in her life and of course she will love her parents the most

Eenameenadeeka · 26/04/2025 03:54

I'd think it's actually a positive, she feels securely attached to you and free to explore/enjoys spending some time with grandparents who also love her

Hopeful6584 · 26/04/2025 04:04

My child’s GP were all dead before he was born. I really wouldn’t worry too much about your “issue”.

QuickPeachPoet · 26/04/2025 04:19

Very unreasonable. You sound very young.
Your child is forming healthy relationships with people she doesn’t live with yet feels safe and loved around. Of course she will know that you are her parents.
This point scoring between your mum vs MIL needs knocking on the head now. Both are equal grandparents who love your child - as a PP poster has said, be grateful she HAS grandparents who love her.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 26/04/2025 04:44

Maybe she is just bored with you and DH and delighted to have someone else to fuss over her. She might be a very sociable child and find her small world a little limiting. Don't take it personally. I get why you feel that way to some extent but I think you are being unfair saying its ok with your mum but not dhs mum. Dd obviously makes both very happy as they do her. Let them enjoy it.

BlondiePortz · 26/04/2025 04:50

I thought the fact my baby was happy and secure with grandparents was a positive thing not a territorial one

Original poster
ChocolateIsAnAddiction · 26/04/2025 07:06

Thanks so I everyone that’s replied. I think I’ve been caught up as well in the emotions of my maternity leave just ending. My mum guilt is currently through the roof.
Also there is no point scoring between my mum and MIL as one person said. I get on well with my MiL but I just find her overwhelming at times.

OP posts:
ureterr1blemuriel · 26/04/2025 07:17

I had similar with DC1 and it upset me quite a bit at the time too. My DD grew out of it by preschool, but it took a while. You are not being silly as a PP described. You cannot help how you feel, especially with a first born where you are still learning about being a mum and all of the emotions that come with it.

Anxioustealady · 26/04/2025 07:27

Hi OP, I'm pregnant with my first but I understand why this would be upsetting, especially if your MIL is gleeful about it.

I'd try to reframe it as you can have a proper break while she's around, maybe have your husband take her over to his parents without you sometimes, and remember that it's probably just exciting to see someone who has lots of energy for her, but no one will ever replace her mother.

Theunamedcat · 26/04/2025 07:29

Of course it's going to upset you but it's most likely a phase and will switch over the opposite way soon enough

Your mil doesn't sound nice relishing in it that's actually quite mean

SlashBeef · 26/04/2025 07:33

Try to embrace it OP. My eldest developed an amazing bond with his grandad from being about 9 months old. I remember being a bit envious at the time but he is now 12 and it is such a beautiful, valuable relationship for them both. They share a hobby that takes them outdoors regularly and they chat about anything and everything. It's really helpful for a child this age to have another close, safe adult to talk to.

beAsensible1 · 26/04/2025 07:34

Why wouldn’t a grandparent be happy that their grandchild wants them. It’s their child’s child who I assume they love.

her GPs are a novelty as she doesn’t seem them daily, she feels secure enough that she knows she can go them and you will still be there when she is ready.

parents and grandparents love being wanted.

try not to dwell and enjoy your bedtimes cuddles with her and if you are feeling left out plan a you and her day to do something together.

Lifestooshort71 · 26/04/2025 07:41

GPs can't win on here - we're either interfering witches snatching a child's love away or we're coldhearted and uninterested and won't do unpaid childcare 3 days a week. I understand you're upset about maternity leave ending but I honestly think having a supportive family network around you will be a godsend in the future but your feelings are valid so all I can suggest is to look for some positives for you all in this. Good luck.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 26/04/2025 07:42

Eenameenadeeka · 26/04/2025 03:54

I'd think it's actually a positive, she feels securely attached to you and free to explore/enjoys spending some time with grandparents who also love her

This.

My kids both run past me to granny I take it as secure attachment to me and that granny cares about them and they love granny

romdowa · 26/04/2025 07:43

Kids go through phases. My son would often cry for dad or me . They pick favourites on a whim. You're taking it a bit too personally

Hebfgusa · 26/04/2025 08:03

beAsensible1 · 26/04/2025 07:34

Why wouldn’t a grandparent be happy that their grandchild wants them. It’s their child’s child who I assume they love.

her GPs are a novelty as she doesn’t seem them daily, she feels secure enough that she knows she can go them and you will still be there when she is ready.

parents and grandparents love being wanted.

try not to dwell and enjoy your bedtimes cuddles with her and if you are feeling left out plan a you and her day to do something together.

Edited

I think it can be weird when the grandparent competes and said things like aww they always choose me. I've had that. Speaks to bigger problems with the grandparent - parent relationship/ dynamic. It's good the child is securely attached, it means they feel safe to do that. But if the GP infers the preference is more than that and speaks about it loudly. It can throw you if there is not a good underlying relationship.

It sounds like this is the scenario the op is describing.

For me it reoccurred lots and it's a sign of a confident, well adjusted child

Worsthousebeststreet · 26/04/2025 08:05

She's just a baby so it's a bit silly to take it personally. In a few months she'll likely be in a separation anxiety phase and glued to you like a clam.

fungibletoken · 26/04/2025 08:16

I remember DD being the same at that age. No interest in me or DH when others were around - particularly grandparents!

I think it can be a really tricky time because their personality is still emerging and your relationship with them developing, so it can be quite easy to mistake it for rejection. As others have said, though, it almost certainly means she's secure and settled with you and just excited to see some more faces.

That's much easier for me to say now DD is a toddler and more of her personality is out, but it didn't take long to get there. All the best for your return to work 💐

Jane958 · 26/04/2025 12:42

When my niece (and goddaughter) was about 9 months old, we were all on holiday in Switzerland. My sister and now ex-BIL and I had been out with our Swiss friends, hiking. Niece was with granny and grandpa.
We returned to the accommodation, where my sister promptly ran inside as she needed the loo.
Niece did not bat an eyelid (was being held by grandpa), no reaction to her father, either.
She saw me and literally launched herself out of my father's arms.
Very sweet and grandpa said to her, "oh you want to go to auntie xx".
At that age, they "have" you all the time, just showing that they are sociable and not afraid to associate with other people, so good for you, because that is how you have brought them up.

JLou08 · 26/04/2025 12:52

My DS is like this when he sees his grandad. It's a novelty and exciting for him. It's nothing to do with favouring him over me, he knows I'm the one who is there every morning when he wakes up and I'm the one who puts him to bed every night. His relationship with me is constant and secure so not as exciting as a grandparent he sees now and again.

Swiftie1878 · 26/04/2025 12:57

ChocolateIsAnAddiction · 26/04/2025 07:06

Thanks so I everyone that’s replied. I think I’ve been caught up as well in the emotions of my maternity leave just ending. My mum guilt is currently through the roof.
Also there is no point scoring between my mum and MIL as one person said. I get on well with my MiL but I just find her overwhelming at times.

Oh, there is point scoring!
Read yourself back. You need to stop that. It will not end well.

beAsensible1 · 26/04/2025 13:50

Hebfgusa · 26/04/2025 08:03

I think it can be weird when the grandparent competes and said things like aww they always choose me. I've had that. Speaks to bigger problems with the grandparent - parent relationship/ dynamic. It's good the child is securely attached, it means they feel safe to do that. But if the GP infers the preference is more than that and speaks about it loudly. It can throw you if there is not a good underlying relationship.

It sounds like this is the scenario the op is describing.

For me it reoccurred lots and it's a sign of a confident, well adjusted child

Show quote history

but as a parent you know in real life that it’s not the case.

your child lives with you 24/7 and sees their GP a couple of times a month. So what if they say that, theyre clearly delusional

EmmaJane2025 · 26/04/2025 15:39

This is perfectly normal! I didn’t get so much as a backwards glance when my DC’s GM was around! (My DM)

PluckyBamboo · 26/04/2025 15:42

You're being silly, feel good that you are raising a confident toddler and don't play immature jealously games with your MIL.

Original poster
ChocolateIsAnAddiction · 26/04/2025 16:57

Hi everyone!
I’m just after having a great chat with my mum (who said I was mad posting about this on the internet to strangers 😂). She explained that something very similar happened with me when I was my LG age. I’ve had a good laugh with her about the whole thing and tbh she knows all the context and history with MIL so knows exactly where I’m coming from.

Thanks to those that responded and saw my post for what it was. A FTM feeling a wave of emotions at midnight and overthinking things.
I know most people think I’m being unreasonable in this poll and that’s ok. There was quite a few things that happened in the build up to me posting but honestly I felt it didn’t need sharing and still don’t. I just wanted to know I wasn’t alone and I definitely know I’m not.
Take care! I’m off for baby cuddles.

OP posts: