After work...

[proximalhumerous]

If a friend invited you over "after work" and neither of you had a 9-5 job (I mainly work school hours and he finishes around 8 or 9pm), should it be obvious what time they expect you? Especially if they don't want you to come straight from work as it's too early and they actually have the day off anyway. And would you be annoyed if you tried to clarify when they meant and they just repeated "after work" and then went silent?

I would just respond
‘yes, but what time? 8:30 or 10 o’clock, because there’s a world of difference!’

(not that I would even entertain going that late tbh 😂)

Goodness - just use your words!

I would just respond: “After work sounds great, what kind of time do you have in mind?” Also what had you planned on doing? Eating together? So 7pm after you have finished work and he’s not been in work today?

I'd just not go if they couldn't give me a time tbh, be clear or sod off.

I did "use my words", but all I got back was sarcastic replies (including a repetition of "after work") and then he stopped responding.

It was only a loose plan carried over from last weekend (because as usual he gave me virtually no notice and I'd already eaten a very late, large lunch when he invited me for dinner). I told him I finished early today, but he didn't want me to come straight over. I got confused and thought maybe I'd misunderstood and he meant after his work, but no, that was wrong too and the subtext was that I was an idiot.

Indeed. I'm not hanging round ready to leap up as soon as he deigns to tell me when I should go round to his flat, while he sits on his arse (he won't come to mine as I have a cat).

He sounds a poor communicator and if last minuteness isn’t compatible with how you live your life then maybe he’s not the best match for you? I sympathise, I dated a last minuter back in the day, it was highly frustrating.

Doesn't like cats? What a twat!

After the way he responded I don't think I'd want to spend time with him anyway. Sounds like a twat tbh.

Yes, this.

Are you a namechanger who has posted before about a one sided / "he calls, you go running" type friendship?

The tone sounds familiar.

Fuck me do you two even even enjoy spending an evening in each others company? I really couldnt be arsed withvthat shit.

I would just suggest a time “is 6pm ok?”

Surely the point of spending time with someone is that they are nice to you and they make you feel good?

Is this man nice to you? Does he make you feel good? Because inviting you over at the last minute implies he’s just bored with nothing better to do and the way you’ve said he talks to you makes him sound like a bit of a dick.

ETA I’d be inclined to consider ‘after work’ as when hell freezes over.

He sounds like a twat.

Why not pick the phone and actually speak to him?

I would also just suggest a time "fucking never"

Why are you wasting time on this bellend?

Why can't you both communicate properly? I don't understand. He's said to come after you finish work, but then said not straight after work as its too early?!

Do you really want to have anything to do with a man who doesn't like cats?

I trust you're not in a relationship with this toddler ☹️?

Oh good grief, we're not dating!

Oh sorry that was the vibe I got! Sounds like a situation you should let cool then.

I’d say ask after your work or mine. You have different work times.

I have posted about him before, yes, although it was ages ago - during Covid, I think.