After work...

[proximalhumerous]

If a friend invited you over "after work" and neither of you had a 9-5 job (I mainly work school hours and he finishes around 8 or 9pm), should it be obvious what time they expect you? Especially if they don't want you to come straight from work as it's too early and they actually have the day off anyway. And would you be annoyed if you tried to clarify when they meant and they just repeated "after work" and then went silent?

That's exactly what I asked and he said, "yours, obvs", but omitted to specify a time.

I am absolutely sick of seeing this trotted out on here. This is a site for adults, adults don’t need to be treated like children for goodness sake and told to “use your words”. Why not just say ask him instead of being a twat?

He sounds like a pain in the arse - rude and sarcastic. I would ignore and make other plans. 'Friends' do not treat friends this way.

Then perhaps adults should behave and communicate like adults. By using their words.

And perhaps adults shouldn’t be twats using phrases like “use your words” stop trying to infantise people by trying to be smart or popular on a forum.

stop trying to infantise people trying to smart or popular on a forum.

And again, in English?

Why are you even friends with him? He's sarcastic, sounds pretty unpleasant and is treating you like a fool. You also don't fancy him (hardly surprising). What am I missing here?

And again you’re a dick. For your reference English isn’t my first language. Did you mean to be so rude?

Yes, actually. As you were rude to me to start with. HTH.

'After work' to me means heading over once you've finished work, so not sure what he meant if he didn't want you to head straight over after you finished. Otherwise he could have said 'this evening'. Anyway he sounds pretty tedious if he expects other people to mind read

To be fair, half the posts on this site wouldn't exist if people were better at communicating (op but often also the other person)

Ugh. I'd just reply " no thanks".

I said, "What do you mean by afterwards? I finish at 3pm."
He said, "After work. 3pm is too early."
I replied [confused by this stage and wondering if I was wrong in thinking he had the day off], "After whose work?"
He said, "Yours obvs."
So I said, "What do you mean by 'after work' if you don't mean straight after my work, or after your work?"

He then stopped communicating.

I don't fancy him in the slightest, although many moons (decades) ago we were FWB until I got fed up with the utterly shit sex. He can be quite thoughtful and good company, but he can also be an arse.

It sounds like he forgot that you don't finish at conventional office time but decided to be a dick about it instead of going "sixish?"

Let me guess, he's not exactly awash with friends

It could sound like that, I agree, but I literally told him the time I finished.

He has two or three I'm aware of.

you asked, he didn’t give a time and now won’t respond

i wouldnt be going

And if he contacts me would be saying I asked you a simple question, you didn’t respond so why should I come to see someone being so rude

Well I don't understand why you said "What do you mean by afterwards? I finish at 3pm."
If he said come after work, I'd have said "okay, see you then" and turned up after i'd finished at 3.

If he’s coming to yours then you choose the time?! Or have I misunderstood?

Then you choose the time and tell him that’s the time.

He said, "Are you working tomorrow? Want to come over afterwards?"
So I said, "What do you mean by afterwards..."

He knows I work school hours, but didn't know I was finishing slightly earlier than usual - which is why I told him my finish time. If he'd said, "Come over when you'd usually finish," or "Come over at 5 o'clock," that would have been fine.

I said that because I assumed he wouldn't want me to go over that early - which was confirmed by his reply.

I could have done that, but he'd already said when he didn't want me to go, so I was trying to ascertain when he did want me.