to think that if you say to me "I look at you and don't see a fat person, I see a lovely person"...

[QOD]

actually means they look at you and see a fat person?
If not, why mention it?

If you do use that phrase, don't.

It hurts.

maybe its pointing out the obvious but saying thats not the first thing i think of its how lovely you are

seems a weird thing to jsut come out with but some people are very outspoken and honest but trying to be nice without really thinking

Why would anyone say that?

Am sorry they hurt your feelings.

it means that they think you are fat. which I suppose is either true or not. is it true? If so, then what are you worried about? They are telling you that you are lovely. If it isn't true, then I can see you'd be pissed off.

depends what context it was said in imo. if you were having a conversation which revolved around your weight and you made reference to the fact you thought you were overweight/fat and they said it, then surely it just means that although that might be the case, your weight is not the first thing they see when they look at you.

My mother told me at the weekend that I am obese. (I am a size 12) now that was out of order imo.

I think this sounds like a classic case of foot in mouth. The person was trying to be kind but instead has been very hurtful. I remember a very short-lived relationship with a bloke who once said 'you're beautiful in your own way' TWAT.

I totally agree QOD.

The majority of people who make these statements are totally thoughtless, cruel and unthinking and honestly believe that they can hide their ignorance and stupidity behind a comment which is actually designed to make them look 'nice', when in reality they cannot see past another persons size.

Almost as bad as "oh it's such a shame you're fat, you have a lovely face."

I guess, if you are fat, they assume you know you are and are trying to say something nice, but failing dismally.

I've had the fat but lovely face one too

first time when I was a young teen from a friends grandmother, have never forgotten it

some people just don't think beofre they speak

Mine 'face' comment came from my own mother - all the way through my life.

Context is all - it could mean that they think that you think you are fat. Dodgy ground and a bit cack-handed though.

My cousin's exbf once told her she was a "beautiful person". That didn't go down well either!

joash my lot were all arguing over who got to stand at me at the wedding last weekend for the photos as they've all been loosing weight for it and by standing next to me they'll look like they'd lost even more

I am 7 months pregnant but thats not the point, my aunts told me not to buy anything tight as my back was fat as well as my big bump

charmers eh?

dizzy - families are lovely

depends on the context i guess.
just saying it out of the blue is a bit odd definitely.
however if you said to me ' i feel so fat, all anyone sees is a fat person when they look at me' i might reply 'i dont see a fat person, i see a lovely person' and i honestly cant see that as insulting...

oh my word!
It's just that you wouldn't say to someone
"shame your hair is so thin............. but you're so nice"
"awww that acne looks horrendous, but you're lovely inside"

but the fat bit gets said!

Yer, I am fat
I guess it kind of pinched a nerve as someone else said to me the other day
"I think it's great you are so confident in yourself, I am too unconfident to be overweight. I feel so self conscious and you stride about smiling" or words to that effect.

And I thought...... why can't I say
"oh and I like you SO much even though you look like mutton dressed as lamb with your thin over brown face & blonde hair out of a bottle and I can't beleive you are only 2 yrs older than me"

LOL

MEOW see I think the thoughts, but they stay inside.......

QOD I imagine you look at these people and think "I look at you and see a twat."

Patronising, condescending, hurtful, moronic......I could go on, it's a ridiculous phrase. I suppose it can depend on the context, but if t'were apropos of nowt then it's verbal wankerdom.

And yes, it does mean they see you as a fat person, which is the worst possible thing in their world, therefore it must be dreadful for you, you poor blighted bunshoveling greedy fecker you.

There is a small chance I am reading too much into this.....

However, switch 'fat' for the physical feature of your choice, and you will see it for the jellyfish remark it is.

"I look at you and I don't see someone with big sticky out ears and a nose you could ski on, I see a lovely.....OUCH ! Why are you hitting me! Gaaaaaah!"

I've been told "your personality shines through" before when I was a teenager. Even then I remember think thanks very farkin much!

you poor blighted bunshoveling greedy fecker you

hahahahahahahahahahah that's totally got me over it

I love it LMAO

ConnorTraceptive I apparently light up rooms

at least they didn't say I fill them

To add to the lovely things mums/families say. My mum used to say to me 'you will never be pretty but you will always be interesting'. Just what you want to hear when you are 12. She used to trot it out regularly, I think she thought it was a really clever comment. Thanks mum.

Just out of interest, did they just come out with it or where you talking about weight at the time?

I get this kind of shit all the time.

stays with you for days, doesn't it?

PMSL @Littlelapin

Yep, unless the person has said it after I'd complained to them about being fat, I would be offended.

Wannabe/Chegirl - your mothers should be ashamed of themselves