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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what is is like to be the new woman

40 replies

Allornothingg · 25/04/2025 12:41

Just that really, my ex and I were together for almost 20 years but I think towards the end he started gravitating towards the new woman and within weeks after the breakup kids were introduced etc, holidays. This is a year on now so i
am over it and happy for them etc but i just wondered if you have ever been the new woman in this situation and did it all work out ok? It’s very quick to jump into a new relationship after such a long time and I am only just starting to think about a relationship with somebody else

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 25/04/2025 12:43

Yes … we got married a year later, been married for 20 (ish) years, we are very happy.

Sometimes you just meet the right person, at a slightly odd time.

Original poster
Allornothingg · 25/04/2025 12:44

ExtraOnions · 25/04/2025 12:43

Yes … we got married a year later, been married for 20 (ish) years, we are very happy.

Sometimes you just meet the right person, at a slightly odd time.

Yes I suppose so

OP posts:
Original poster
Allornothingg · 25/04/2025 12:48

ExtraOnions · 25/04/2025 12:43

Yes … we got married a year later, been married for 20 (ish) years, we are very happy.

Sometimes you just meet the right person, at a slightly odd time.

were children involved?

OP posts:
Original poster
Allornothingg · 25/04/2025 13:51

I think that if I met somebody straight away after a long term relationship I would think they wasn’t ready, but maybe they are, who knows

OP posts:
Poonu · 25/04/2025 13:53

I think men move on way quicker. They need someone.

Original poster
Allornothingg · 25/04/2025 13:54

Poonu · 25/04/2025 13:53

I think men move on way quicker. They need someone.

Do you think so? I Mean our relationship was dead in the water for a long time before it ended but I still think it’s quick and I just wondered how the new woman thought of it.

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 25/04/2025 14:21

Men definitely move on quickly I think a woman works through the emotions differently and are more wary getting involved again some women can move on quickly too but I think men find it easier.

cantpullthetrigger · 25/04/2025 14:23

I think men are a lot less selective and looking to fill a gap that was left by the previous relationship, rather than being much more choiceful in finding someone who truly complements them.

butternutsquashed · 25/04/2025 14:26

Men often move on at lightening speed, my friends Dad was widowed in his early fifties and had a new GF within 12 weeks. No crossover at all and they met online dating. It really upset my friend.

My DS had a relationship end last year, no third parties involved. He started online dating 4 weeks later. One woman he went on a date with was horrified he was just 4 weeks out of a 5 year relationship, no children and they didn’t live together. He was very upset for about 10 days and then that was it, all over.

Deargodletitgo · 25/04/2025 14:28

Yup, I'm the new woman. I was divorced for about 2 years after I met my DP, he had left his wife in November, met me in the May through online dating. His ex made some pointed comments about it, her view was their marriage simply failed due to lack of intimacy and seemed to think that he'd find a fwb but in other ways their relationship would not change really.

LadyChillT · 25/04/2025 14:29

they're just replacing the wife appliance, why hang around?

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 25/04/2025 14:30

No-one falls in love quicker than a man in need of somewhere to live.

Original poster
Allornothingg · 25/04/2025 14:35

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 25/04/2025 14:30

No-one falls in love quicker than a man in need of somewhere to live.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
BruhWhy · 25/04/2025 14:35

Yeah men really aren't picky. They generally just need someone to organise their lives and wash their clothes for them, and almost anyone will do. Hence the stunningly accurate cliché of men introducing Mummy #2 to their kids 6 weeks after leaving their wives.

Original poster
Allornothingg · 25/04/2025 14:39

It could be that they grieve the end of the relationship way before it ends, but moving on so quick with somebody else is my idea of hell. I am so glad I have took this time to grieve, heal and realise what went wrong.

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 25/04/2025 14:41

I’ve often wondered why any woman would be attracted to a man fresh out of a LTR with kids involved. I can sort of understand if she has kids herself, but there’s a thread atm where a child-free woman is involved with a man whose divorce hasn’t even finalised and he’s 50:50 co-parenting with his ex. I just can’t see the appeal at all.

Original poster
Allornothingg · 25/04/2025 14:41

It just shows too really that I couldn’t have been as bad as he said I was as another relationship would have been the last thing on his mind.

OP posts:
ExperiencedTeacher · 25/04/2025 14:47

I’ve moved on very quickly from my 20+ year relationship. Not because I need someone else but because I’d grieved the end of my relationship over many months and years whilst still in the relationship. I didn’t need time to heal.

ExtraOnions · 25/04/2025 14:47

Allornothingg · 25/04/2025 12:48

were children involved?

Show quote history

Yep, he had 3

Screamingabdabz · 25/04/2025 14:49

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 25/04/2025 14:30

No-one falls in love quicker than a man in need of somewhere to live.

More like somewhere to get his dick serviced.

JengaCupboard · 25/04/2025 14:49

Yes, in my mid twenties. He was not long (not long at all it turns out..!!) out of a long term relationship with the mother of his children, and as much as I am confident their relationship was over, it hadn't been for long..

However I was young and didn't really give it much thought in all honesty - not like I would now. He was a walking red flag in hindsight, but the chemistry and whirlwind of new relationships when you're young don't seem to allow much room for forethought..

As much as I didn't do anything wrong, I would never do/go along with/accept what I did back then, but I think that just comes with age and experience.

We were married and together about 11 years all in, but ultimately he was (is) a narcissistic shit-house, and I thank my lucky stars that I haven't had to clap eyes on him for well over 5 years now.

SausalitoSue · 25/04/2025 14:51

You’re happy for them, a year after he left you and your 20 year relationship for her?

EG94 · 25/04/2025 14:52

I think women mentally prepare the end before it ends. Men don’t. They just fall into someone / one thing new as soon as possible. My ex was on tinder the very next day!!! My friend messsged to say my bf was on tinder and I had to say not my bf we broke up yesterday. Was a bit embarrassing but I’m not that easily replaced hence he keeps re appearing via email as blocked everywhere else 🤣

ExtraOnions · 25/04/2025 14:54

Gosh there is a lot of unfounded bullshit on this thread…

… no my now husband was not just “looking for somewhere to live”, I didn’t have my own place at that time. We jointly bought our property a few months down the line

…I wasn’t there to organise his clothes and do his washing, he was (and remains) capable of doing that himself.

…No, it wasn’t a case of him not being “picky” and hooking up with the first woman. We fell in love .. as we are very well suited to each other. I think our sucessful twenty-odd years together shows that

… Him having children did not put me off. He always paid for them, saw them, took them on hols, paid for them until they were 21, and all good now they are adults.

Mrsttcno1 · 25/04/2025 14:54

I think if as you say the relationship was dead for a long time before it officially ended, I can see where actually it doesn’t feel like moving on too quick at all.

I have a friend like that, her relationship was over for a good 6 months before either of them had the official chat to say they were done in which case your “timer” has already got 6 months on it really.