What is fair re:money to grandchildren

[lookinginsidemywindow]

I will start by saying that I am NOT thinking of saying or doing anything about this to my father before I start getting accused of being ungrateful or other stuff, but trying to work out in my head what is fair.

My father started a saving fund for his first granddaughter (my niece) when she first was born. I then had another girl and my father opened a fund for her too with the same amount of money.

My brother has then had 2 more girls and is keen for a boy so there is a chance they will have more. I am not able to have more for various reasons so we will only have her.

I am not sure my father would be able to afford the same amount for all the grandchildren.

Is it fair that he keeps the same amount for mine and divides the rest to cover all the grandchildren from my brother's side, or shall he reduce the money all the grandchildren receive?

I repeat, I will let my father decide what he wants to do and gracefully and gratefully accept his decision.

Each GC should have equal amounts

It is very tricky to make inheritance appear to be fair. Our side will split everything equally between all children and grandchildren, which naturally means an unequal distribution if you took it as being per child's family group with unequal numbers of children. The eldest grandchildren had extra financial help in the past as well due to their father not being around. You could argue at least 5 different approaches to being "fair" from splitting just between children through reducing for additional financial support, but It's no good worrying which version is "fair", that's how it's been decided by the person giving and it's their money. Be glad your child is getting something, ignore any urges for more, and focus on just living life.

I'm a grandmother and I'm for equal amounts for all GC, that's what I'm doing. The GC are individual human beings not just extensions of their parents so I treat them as individuals.

But he isn't giving this money to his children, nor is it their money to disperse.

He's leaving it to his grandchildren, who are separate individuals. He doesn't love OP's one child four times more than her brother's four children, does he? So why would she get 4 times the money that her cousins do - thereby creating a huge disparity.

It's also fair to leave equal amounts to his children (OP and her brother) if that is what he wants, and have a separate pot he divides equally between his grandchildren.

Fair is a pig of a concept.

There are 14 years between me and my eldest sibling.

The oldest two went to university with grants, the middle fees of 1k per year and me, the youngest, 3k per year.

Life won't be fair, but grandparents can be, and that means splitting equally between the children.

I am guessing I would also be receiving inheritance of some sort, but not sure how this would be distributed between me and my brother to be honest. I've never asked, I want to assume 50/50.

The children, each get one.

Oh gosh calm down, there is a difference between asking an opinion on an online anonymous forum to keep my thoughts in check and going out in the real world demanding money for my child, which is not happening.

Why? Surely all the grandchildren should be treated equally regardless of who their parents are. It’s not as though the sibling would be getting more - the money is going to the grandchildren, not their parents.

So your share should be the same as your brother think you think your child should get more than the other grandchildren?

Noup, I don't think my child should get more than the others. When my father first set it up he stated each child would get £10 per month (I am making up the amount) and the more kids my brother has the less money my child would receive that's all.

But like I said, no I won't say anything, nor cause a scene, nor complain. I fully understand is the generosity of my father. I guess it was just a bit sad to know the more kids my brother has the less my daughter will get from what I originally thought she would have for her future. That's all.

I'm a GM and if I were to set up saving accounts for DGC they would all receive the same. However, in my will I'm leaving my estate to my two DC equally as one of them has 3 DC and the other has none. The one without DC should not be financially disadvantaged.

better to have assumed nothing then you wouldn't be sad now.

I'm leaving a btl house that will be paid off in about 4-5 years to my 2 DGC. I'm very unlikely to have more biological DGC as neither of my 2 DS's want DC. My long term foster son may want dc and would be left a sum to split between them when the youngest was 18.

Best not to tell your DD about the money. Let it be a lovely surprise for her once she's grown up.

Well that's what I did initially. When my niece was born I never knew my father had set up a fund for her, only after our daughter was born he told us my daughter would be receiving x amount until she is 18. Now that amount is being reduced. Of course I am grateful with any amount but also part of me is a bit sad that amount might be reduced more and more in the coming years. I never assumed or asked for anything, I was just told.

My daughter doesn't know she has that fund and I won't be telling her any of this, just the final amount when she is 18. I will carry on without giving it more thought and whatever that amount will be it will be much appreciated by my daughter I'm sure.

I don't understand how your DD's amount is being reduced

Because my father won't be able to keep up, the more kids my brother has the more money my father needs to spend on each if the original amount is kept. He will need to reduce the amount he gives each grandchildren to be able to afford it.

If he keeps up with £10 a month has has 6 grandchildren he will need to spend £60 a month, but if he only was £30 to spend then each kid will have to receive less.

I have one child. My sister has 3. My sister is massively better off than me.

It never (honestly) occurred to me that what was left in our fathers will (the grandchildren component of it) should be shared 50% to my child and 50% divided by the 3 children of my sister (16.6% each). The grandchildren all got 25% of the grandchildren component.

Yes, my daughter will get less from me when I die than my sister's children will get from her. That's the way it goes. There is no karma to share stuff out equally.

And this is why, abusive family relationships aside, any monies should only ever descend by one generation.

My sister has two children, I have none by choice, and our mother has made it very clear that my sister and I will inherit 50/50.

However, my niece and nephew will also inherit from me, so it all comes out in the wash.

My grandfather had 3 children. He left no money to them but instead gave it to his grandkids as though he were giving it to them. I.e. a third of his estate was split between the children of his first child, second and third. I happen to be a grandkid of the largest family so ended up with less than my cousins. It didn't bother me at all. I totally understood the reasoning.

Your dad wants to support each of his individual grandchildren equally. Which is fair and generous.

Don’t worry OP, the likelihood is that he will leave his will divided equally between you and your siblings meaning you will have more per child to pass down in turn.

Really, this is not your business to question with your Dad, and very grabby to even think of some of your nieces and nephews being penalised for having siblings.

It depends - my grandma has done this for all her grandchildren and great grandchildren but has accounted for it in her will, so that 'their' savings pot gets filled up to x- amount from the estate before the rest gets divided up if she dies before they hit 18 (if that makes sense).

She did the same amount per child but given the age differences adjusted it for inflation so the amount my younger cousins got each was more on paper but similar in value.

well if that is the case, then no one should be able to access those accounts to remove money.

I think he should change it to one savings account and put it in his will that it gets divided equally between all grandchildren, without specifying how many that is if your brother, for example, is likely to have more children. That seems fairest. After all you’d be pretty put out if your eldest sibling got more simply because they were the eldest, and younger got less.