What is fair re:money to grandchildren

[lookinginsidemywindow]

I will start by saying that I am NOT thinking of saying or doing anything about this to my father before I start getting accused of being ungrateful or other stuff, but trying to work out in my head what is fair.

My father started a saving fund for his first granddaughter (my niece) when she first was born. I then had another girl and my father opened a fund for her too with the same amount of money.

My brother has then had 2 more girls and is keen for a boy so there is a chance they will have more. I am not able to have more for various reasons so we will only have her.

I am not sure my father would be able to afford the same amount for all the grandchildren.

Is it fair that he keeps the same amount for mine and divides the rest to cover all the grandchildren from my brother's side, or shall he reduce the money all the grandchildren receive?

I repeat, I will let my father decide what he wants to do and gracefully and gratefully accept his decision.

Oh wow, that is harsh! Very tricky situation that one.

Well not really in situations where I don't plan or need or am able to do anything about it.... The way i see it is a variation of not my circus not my monkeys....I just wouldn't give it headroom.

I remember that thread, @IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta - the sister was a total CF trying to get part of the inheritance for her children long after her father had died.

@lookinginsidemywindow , each of your father’s grandchildren is an individual with a relationship with him. They are not subsets of you or your sibling. Each should ideally receive the same from their grandfather.

I think this view, which is very common on MN is really vile.

You would have no difficulty recognizing the problem of unequal distribution when someone is alive- golden child gets favored/all and scapegoat gets lesser/ nothing.
You wouldn’t tell a scapegoated person well it’s none of your business if they buy your sibling an education, a house, a big wedding, and leave you with nothing- that would make you just as much a cunt as the parent.

And whilst it is true that (in England and Wales) you can leave your assets to whomsoever you, what you can’t do is stop people congratulating your children on your death, and agreeing that yes, you always were quite the cunt.

It’s a fair question.

my parents give equally to me and my brother and we have different numbers of children so we divide it ourselves, that’s how they want to do it and we’ve both respected that.

I know exactly how I will leave money to all my grandkids and I assure you that it would be equal and fair - same amount to all because I love them as equally.

but that is me.

my point stands - HiS money - his choice - it is no one else’s business what he does.

I hate people thinking they have an entitlement to decide / comment on what other people chose to do with THIER money .

I'd like to ask OP, if you had multiple children and your sibling only had one, would you find it fair to have it split equally across all GC or would you think the split you're proposing is fair?

I agree. If she hadn't been so vocal and insistent about never having children, it could all have been avoided; so she was the one at fault. IIRC, she'd been quite scathing about people who had children and she wanted to make a 'better' choice for her life, but I might have imagined that part.

Even if she'd said that she probably wouldn't, but couldn't be sure, their father could have left things more open.

I feel most sorry for the soured memory of their father, when he had done a very kind thing going on all the assurances that he'd been given; and also for the second sister's children - having to go through their lives knowing of the very unfair treatment from the DGF, albeit through no fault of his own; in fact, I highly doubt their mum would have told them the full truth ("Yes, I was certain that I never wanted you") and shoulder the blame and ongoing resentment herself, when she could deflect it all on to a deceased grandfather.

Absolutely each grandchild must be treated equally. They should all get the same going forwards. It’s about them as individual grandchildren.

@lookinginsidemywindow whose name are those funds in?? the childrens' or your fathers???

So your DC will inherit all of what your dad leaves to you presumably when your siblings DC will be sharing and you think they should have a greater grandchild's slice as well for being an only child?

Quick way to fall out with siblings if you suggest that, I'd say.

I think you need to set aside sibling rivalry and remember that your father has a number of grandchildren that he presumably loves equally and his money is his... not half your and half your brothers.

You dont sound graceful or grateful. It's for him to choose who to give what. Its better to keep it equal for each grandchild, not your child gets more and the others get less. Not sure why you would even think that.

Jealousy and greed are ugly. They destroy even the best relationships.

Will you also be receiving inheritance? Or will it only be given to grandchildren?

It’s his decision but I think it should be for each family. If he decides to have a bunch of kids then why should your one and only child’s amount be reduced. He should just give it equal amounts to his kid and they decide.

The fairest thing surely is to give the children equal amounts, and they share that equally with their children (the grandchildren). Then no one is affected because other siblings had fewer or more children.

Yes this. Don’t think those with more kids should get more.

I would tend towards inheritance splitting evenly through branches.

If the gift amounts are large enough to feel like early inheritance, then I would make them even between his two children. Thus gifts at the grandchild level would be divided depending upon the number had by each child.

If the gifts are smaller and more akin to birthday or Christmas presents, but just happen to be put into savings, then I would make them equal across the grandchildren.

I think all grandchildren are equal.

we have a ridiculous situation ahead in our families as my parents have their wills to split equally between me and my brother, and my in-laws have it to split 4 ways between my husband, sister in law and our two kids. So my sister in law only gets 25% as apparently she’s not a real person without children.

All the grandchildren should get the same amount at the age he chooses to give it to them

Surely he should treat all his grandchildren equally. Why should your DC get more than his other DGC? It makes no sense.

Whatever he pays should be equal amounts to all - the fact that one grandchild is older just means they have more money in their account because they have been around longer due to interest and further savings. It's just too bad on the younger ones. Keeps it fair and square.
But if he is depositing a lump sum to open the account and then no more for each child - that's okay too. It's up to the parents/child to make it grow from there on in.

It would be unfair if your sibling bred like a rabbit meaning that the amount your children got was negligible (not really enough to do anything with)

Quite. Not sure why people think otherwise!!

When he had only one child did you wonder should she have double to make it equal with your family?