Don’t know where to look when they’re talking about the wedding

[Msstayhome]

My partner of 1 year is going to a family wedding in Greece later in the year. I wasn’t invited as I hadn’t met the B&G at the time the invites came out. They live in Greece.

All of his friends and family seem to be going, and all his friends are going with their partners, and they talk about it whenever we meet and I’m finding it borderline embarrassing to sit in silence through these conversations as the only person excluded from the plans.

We’re meeting up with them all again this weekend and I’m dreading the awkwardness. Totally understand I’m the newest to the group and therefore not invited but it’s so uncomfortable sitting there while they discuss who’s staying where, what other plans they have while they’re there and what flights they’re all on.

I don’t think anyone’s being intentionally rude. Perhaps I’m just socially awkward? But I find it really uncomfortable.

That’s how I feel. Think your boyfriend should have asked if his girlfriend could come with him @Msstayhome unless the numbers are very limited.

Everyone else has been with their partners much longer and knows the couple. It’s actually a small-ish wedding. Just happens that DP’s friends are part of that list.

Your boyfriend needs to ask them!!
you are absolutely not being pathetic, and should be invited. You need to broach the subject with him…

What has your bf said about the situation? Surely he would want you to be invited if at all possible?

As for this weekend, try not to feel awkward, but try to get to know them better.
If you are charming, express joy for them, ask them questions about themselves t etc… they may yet invite you!

For heaven’s sake, OP, it’s not all about you. Make some plans of your own for the period during which they’re in Greece and talk about them, surely?

Definitely. I’d be mortified if I was the boyfriend and would try to pull whatever strings possible to try to get my girlfriend an invite. One year is a substantial length of time and these people are inviting his friends plus their partners so it’s hardly a small select gathering where numbers are a big issue.

Try and not take it personally. It is a small wedding.
It's often - no ring = no bring.

How is it a small wedding when mates of the family member plus their partners are all invited? And as for no ring, no bring, sorry I forgot we were living in 1955.

The OP specifically says it’s a small wedding, just that all her boyfriend’s friends and family are included in the number. If numbers were no issue, the bride and groom would presumably have given the OP’s boyfriend a plus one, but they didn’t. They went the perfectly rational route of not inviting someone they’d never met to their small wedding.

I don’t think it’s awkward. They’d never met you when invites went out. Own it. Say ‘well I hope you all have a great time!’

If you’d been together 5 years it’s a bit more tricky, but I think it’s perfectly understandable that you aren’t going.

I wouldn't think expressing an interest would make you look odd. I'd be asking what will the style be like, will it be a wild affair etc, what's her family like. What outfits are you bringing, what's arranged for the other days, can I see where you're staying? But I concede that I'm incredibly nosey.

I suspect a lot of them don't even realise that @Msstayhome hasn't been invited.

But I agree, she could join in with general chit chat asking things like what that part of Greece is like etc just as one would if chatting to a friend about their upcoming holiday

I hear ya.

Some of my very favourite people are those who have the social grace to welcome a newcomer/someone otherwise left out. Yes, it's a good skill to get involved with the conversation and not sit there like a lemon, but it's also the very best of manners to notice someone being left out and to include them kindly (either by including them in the subject or by changing the subject).

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to ask about the area of Greece it’s in (assuming it’s likely at least some of them have been there before if the bride and groom have lived there for a while), but equally I can’t imagine being bothered by a topic of conversation being about something I wasn’t attending.

They might not realise you're not invited.
You could say e.g. "I think I might go to London while everyone's away "

Research the venue area.
Then you can ask questions and say if they all think it is nice can they tell you of any hidden gems in the area so you can plan a trip with your partner next year.
Be happy for them going, ask the girls what they plan to wear.
Ask the boys if they plan to hire a car or use the buses.
Ask about the drinks and food.
Ask how hot it will be.
People like to talk .

I think if you're going to go to the meet-up then you have to play a part - smile and nod a bit and ignore the rest. They aren't deliberately excluding you, just excited or making plans. No need to feel awkward - just don't feel you have to contribute in any way.

Do you feel you could ask him if you go along for the holiday part of it. He's probably got a double bed booked? So you'd just have to pay for your flight. Whose wedding is it?

Probably not considering he's sharing accommodation with his parents.
Op has not been invited and nobody's mentioned it.
I think its a bit weird and like begging to be asking.

That's life, we can't all be included in everything all the the time. It's really not a big deal.

True. I wouldn't ask to be honest, was just wondering if they'd actually had any conversations around it, and whose wedding it was. If it were a sibling you'd think they'd offer a plus one. Well I did when I got married, but my sister invited her friend and husband instead as she was single at the time, but was close to this couple and they were providing me with things for my wedding at a cut price.

I think talking about it in front of you shows an alarming lack of manners.

Don’t meet up with them until the wedding is done with.